… until you’ve lost it.
I’m pretty sure that most, if not all, of us are familiar with this well known phrase – perhaps even having been unfortunate enough to experience it’s truth first hand. It brings to light the fact that there are so many things in our lives that we take for granted. Our possessions. Our loved ones. Our health. Things that we don’t truly come to appreciate until they’ve been taken away from us, and we’re forced to go on through life without them.
No, I didn’t lose Kaiah – don’t worry.
She’s just mopey because it’s been raining all day and she’s cooped up inside.
Probably one of the most common questions that I get asked is how I manage to stay so strong and motivated in my recovery; how I manage to keep from giving in to bad habits whenever times get rough.
My answer?
Because I never want to go back to that place again… I never want to lay down for the night and wonder if I’ll wake up in the morning. I never want to feel so physically exhausted that I can’t even muster up enough energy to turn over in bed when I feel uncomfortable. I never want to waste my days watching the clock and obsessing about when/what my next meal will be. I never want to feel so depressed and hopeless that I consider taking my own life because I can’t deal with living it any longer.
That was my life in the depths of my eating disorder, and I never want to go back to it again. I’m so incredibly grateful for everything that I’ve gained in recovery, that I’ll do whatever it takes to hold on to it… which, thankfully, isn’t all that hard because so much good food is involved…
Peaches & Cream Oats – Eggy bananafied steel cut base, frozen peaches, melted coconut butter.
A bowl of Puffins (Hi Nicky! :D), Kashi Honey Sunshine, and puffed wheat with vanilla almond milk and a dollop of strawberry Greek yogurt.
Baked sweet potato with maple syrup, cinnamon, cottage cheese, and roasted almond butter.
Oatmeal Raisin Cookies. I had totally forgotten about this recipe, but after seeing them on Freya’s blog, I knew I needed to make them quick… perfect for a rainy day.
. – . – . – .
I mean, would you trade any of that for a plate that looked more like this?
If your answer is yes, then I’m afraid we can no longer be friends.
But I wish you well [and hope that you come to your senses].
I had to completely lose my health, and almost my life, before I was able to appreciate just how much a healthy body is worth. I’m not kidding when I say that I’m almost crying tears of joy after every mile I run, or after every weight session I finish, because I still remember a time when I could barely drag myself up the stairs without having to stop in the middle, and when lifting my arms to wash my hair in the shower was almost more than I could handle. Without health, there is nothing. Period.
No happiness. No spark. No life.
An ED, or any sort of disordered belief, tries to convince us that life will be so much better if we just lose those 5 lbs, those 10 lbs, those 20 lbs. Bullshitpoop. I remember what life was like, and it sure as hell wasn’t any better. That’s why it breaks my heart to see so many girls willingly torture themselves because of this kind of mentality. They slave away at the gym while denying the simple pleasures that good food brings. And for what? To buy jeans that are one or two sizes smaller? Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll take health, happiness, and freedom any day, even if they do come with a bigger pair of pants.
If your body is healthy, appreciate it… because you never know what you have until you’ve lost it…
… and getting it back isn’t always that easy…
. – . – . – .
Show your body some gratitude… I love my body because it _______ .
Wow, I love this post.
Thank you for reminding me that life *or whatever it is* is horrible with ED, and in fact not living at all!
Love you!
<3
Wow, I love this post.
Thank you for reminding me that life *or whatever it is* is horrible with ED, and in fact not living at all!
Love you!
<3
I love my body because it responds to nutrients quickly and good food makes me feel good – FAST! <3 thanks bod! =)
great post love! this def deserves more attention… but then again all of yours do! =) go write a book mmk? <3 i'll buy it
I am addicted to sweet potato, nut butter and cottage cheese! Yummers!
I am addicted to sweet potato, nut butter and cottage cheese! Yummers!
I love my body because it does everything for me! I used to only focus on my “fat stomach” (WTF?) or I’d avoid foods that I loved (Just plain stupid) but I’m so far away from that place now! I love my body because it’s fully functioning and healthy. What more could I POSSIBLY ask for? When I think of how critical I used to be, I feel ashamed. There are so many people who can’t walk because their legs don’t work. People who can’t go out and have fun with friends because they’re seriously ill. What a fool I was to take such a perfect body for granted. Thanks for writing this! xoxo
I love my body because even after all the ill treatment I’ve given it in times past it still hasn’t given up on me – and that’s is truly a fact worth celebrating.
Great post!
this is so random but do you heat up your almond butter before you eat it? it always looks so yummy! i keep my homemade AB in the fridge s im wondering how yours is so creamy lol random i know.
I love my body because it is finally getting back in sync with my brain! awesome post 🙂
Haha no I don’t heat it up, but mine isn’t homemade and I don’t keep it in the fridge. You could probably add some oil to the almonds to make it a bit creamier.
I love my body because it is strong! Instead of despising certain areas, like my stomach, when I used to look in the mirror, I now look and see strong, muscular legs–I make a point to see the things I love!
So i’m totally in love with you and your blog. I love honest you are. I love my body because it’s such a wonderful piece of machinery. All I have to do is listen to it and it takes care of itself 🙂
So i’m totally in love with you and your blog. I love honest you are. I love my body because it’s such a wonderful piece of machinery. All I have to do is listen to it and it takes care of itself 🙂
I really cannot even say how much I appreciate your post! People always regret things when it is already too late and we are so bad at appreciating and praising thins we have! We should handle our body as a temple for our souls – would we like an unstable, energy-less, “grey”, live-less temple? No! We would like a temple that sends out energy, postiveness, life, fun, happiness, love, strength, power! Because onley then our souls can be strong, positive, energetic and happy as well!:)
Powerful post!
I remember the days where I had to lie down on the floor after a shower cos I didn’t have the energy to get up, even though the floor hurt my bones SO bad. Or the days when the calories in SALAD leaves were counted..such a shit place, and I will NEVER go back there.
I love my body because it can run take my shopping for ages, ride my horse, run a marathon, and wear killer heels – mutli tasking at its’ finest!
ps – thanks for the shout out 🙂
Great post!! I love my body because it’s strong and can withstand more than I give it credit for usually!
I love my carrots and broccoli, but I am not about to give my oatmeal up for it 🙂
I love my carrots and broccoli, but I am not about to give my oatmeal up for it 🙂
Hey, it’s the Mandy who e-mailed you before. Thanks for writing these encouraging posts, reminding me to give my body what it deserves. I love my body because it hasn’t given up on me, even when I was ready to. 🙂
Hey Amanda! I don’t know if you remember me but I used to read your blog. I just realized you’d moved – good thing too cause I often wondered what happened to you and whether you were okay. Glad to hear you’re happy and healthy 🙂
I’m glad you didn’t lose Kaiah…you worried me!
im SO with u- once uv discovered what LIFE is really like after an ED.. u NEVEr want to go back.. when ur in ur ED things seem great but boy… it sure can be a HELLUVA lot better!! i love my body becuz i SERIOUSLY LOVE MY BUTT- yes i cud use some more boobage..im still hopeful!
im SO with u- once uv discovered what LIFE is really like after an ED.. u NEVEr want to go back.. when ur in ur ED things seem great but boy… it sure can be a HELLUVA lot better!! i love my body becuz i SERIOUSLY LOVE MY BUTT- yes i cud use some more boobage..im still hopeful!
I love love love this post.. I read this post last night actually made me get up (out of my comfy cozy bed) and have that extra bowl of cereal at night even though I wasn’t hungry. I went to eat it just because I wanted it and it sounded good and because I knew I would need that extra dessert cereal for my morning fuel. and I have to thank you for the encouragement because last night I had a great night sleep AND i had an awesome workout and I owe it all to that bowl of cereal 🙂 andddd maybe the froyo
I love my body because it’s mine and I only get one body so I need to stop beating it up and give it what it deserves!
You are so beautiful and this is such a beautiful post <3 Thank you for the reminder to love and be grateful for what I have. I love my body because it is the home of my soul:-)
P.S. All of your food always looks SO good. Your food pics are some of my favorites EVER 🙂
I feel the same way about my past eating disorder. I never want to go back. Sometimes it’s nice to hear it from someone else. I forget sometimes that so many other women have been through the same experiences.
I loved this post – and I love my body for being able to keep up with me!
I loved this post – and I love my body for being able to keep up with me!
I love your blog. It’s especially helpful today, because I just posted my quiet “cry for help” post. I know just what you mean when you say that losing weight doesn’t make you any happier.
You SERIOUSLY scared me there with your dog!! I thought Kaiah was gone!! Phew so relieved!! DON’T scare me like that again Amanda or I will fly to Canada and steal her anyway 😛
This post ROCKS!! You’re such an amazing writer and such an inspiration! Too right that is Bullpoop, and being healthy is the way to GO!! I love my body because it is STRONG. And it likes hugs 🙂
WOOH PUFFINS! And I have Kashi Sunshine coming so I can so totally copy your combo ;P
Amanda, words cannot describe how much this post means to me and will do to others. I literally could have written this post word for word myself, it actually brought me to tears. I never never want to go back to the depths of my ED and go through all I went through ever again in my life. Not only do I not want to put myself through those painful days again, but also the pain that my family went through. I am forever sorry for what I put them through and eternally grateful that I still have them. But at the same time, I have such a powerfully strong relationship with them now which is very special. And I totally agree that without health, there is nothing. It’s just so sad that it took both of us to nearly lose our lives to realise that. But sometimes it takes that much to really really appreciate life and for that – I am almost thankful that I had an ED because it’s made life seem so much more special.
Honestly, you are a true inspiration to me and I know you are to to others. And as for me, I love my body because despite everything I’ve put it through, it is still here, allowing me to live each day and allow me to be free to do what I want.