So I’ve been doing a little bit of thinking lately. It happens every now and then – no cause for concern. This is actually something that’s been on my mind for quite some time now, but I just really haven’t wanted to get into it because it’s not exactly the most pleasant of topics. May as well stop putting it off, though, and today seems like as good a day as any to bring it up. Why? Because it’s Tuesday [read: I have no idea].
So we all read blogs, and I can say with 99.9% certainty that we all come across certain things on those blogs that we don’t necessarily agree with. We see people undereating, and we see people overexercising. We see frighteningly thin girls doing hardcore workouts seven days a week, and we see those same frighteningly thin girls restricting “watching” their intake of carbs, sugars, and fats – oftentimes under rather questionable guises.
Hands up if you’ve ever come across someone whose cooking substitutions are just downright strange. Hands up if you’ve ever come across someone who’s cut out gluten/sugar/dairy/whatever when they didn’t have a medical condition that required that kind of elimination. Now, I know that there are plenty of instances where those claims are actually true, but I also know that for every legitimate claim, there are about ten that aren’t.
Just saying.
So we see people doing all of these disordered things while maintaining the facade that everything is fine, and we… go ahead and pretend along with them. This is where my thoughts start getting a little muddled, so bear with me. Maybe a shot of sugar will help clear my head…
Okay. So we see all these things and we know something is amiss. We want to shake these people and say: “Wake up! Can’t you see that what you’re doing is wrong?!”… but we don’t. We turn a blind eye to their obviously disordered behaviors, and the comments we leave on their posts (if we leave any at all) err on the side of politeness and propriety, and sometimes even verge into the territory of praise. Why? It’s not an easy thing to watch people engage in self-destructive behaviors, especially if they trigger disordered thoughts in our own minds, but why is it so difficult to call people on those behaviors? I have a few theories.
First, blame Bambi…
We don’t want to be a jerk, and more often than not, telling someone what they probably need to hear makes us look like one. Even when it’s put gently, the truth can be a hard pill to swallow – it’s much more pleasant to live in a world of comfortable delusion than it is to be faced with the reality that you’re doing something wrong. As such, people don’t tend to look favorably on those who call them on their bullsh*t – they prefer those who encourage and support their [bad] decisions. We want to be liked, so we smile, nod, and keep our opinions to ourselves.
Second, is it really our place to say? A blog is just a tiny piece of a blogger’s life, and using such a tiny piece to judge the entire picture is just bad practice. Yes, we can pick up on certain problems that are blatantly obvious, but most things are a lot more complicated than we could ever imagine. Unless I get to know a blogger really well and start engaging with them on a platform outside of simple blog comments, I don’t feel comfortable commenting on their eating/exercise habits. I hate it when people make assumptions about me, so I do my best to practice the same courtesy and not make any assumptions about them; and if I’m really concerned, then I’ll voice my thoughts in a personal e-mail – a comment section just doesn’t seem like the right place for that kind of discussion.
Finally, I think part of the reason we don’t say anything is that there are certain instances where we just don’t care enough to; that, and we don’t feel like our comments will make a difference anyway so we say nice things just to be liked. It sounds cruel, but let’s be honest… Yes, we form close relationships with some of the bloggers whose blogs we read, but for the handful of blends we make, the rest remain more-or-less strangers that we don’t really have any sort of emotional investment in. Would you tell a stranger you met on the street that they look too skinny or too fat? Would you comment on a random person’s choice of entree when they’re sitting at the restaurant table next to you? My guess is probably not. Furthermore, most people know they have some sort of problem, and if they’re not doing something to change it, it’s probably because they’re just not ready to – a comment from a random person on the Internet isn’t going to spur them into action, it’ll probably just make them defensive and angry – so we play nice.
Is that wrong? Is it wrong to see a problem and not speak up? I’m not quite sure. I wouldn’t exactly say that readers have any sort of responsibility when it comes to pointing out a blogger’s questionable habits – after all, the blogger has friends and family that should be playing that part – but at the same time, a gentle “what the heck are you doing to yourself?” can make a person realize that what they’re doing isn’t exactly healthy.
So I’m not sure. It’s a difficult issue to navigate, and I’d love to hear your guys’ thoughts and opinions on the matter. Should we speak up when we see a problem? Or just hold our peace?
Amen. Amen. Thanks for writing this 🙂
I think that it’s hard to judge a person by a blog and make the definitive statement “she has an eating disorder”. You don’t really know that person. A blog paints an exclusive picture of a life. Not the whole thing. You don’t know the whole story. You only know what you went through. So looking at a blog and making that judgement is kind of hard. If an eating disorder is THAT obvious….I guess just take it with a grain of salt and trust that this person has people in her life that care enough to intervene. I’m not sure it’s out job as bloggers to make it known.
Such a great post as others have already said. I think this is a very tough topic, I know that I had a period of being disordered – but hand on heart I didn’t realise how bad it was. I think if people had called me out on it (I guess a few tried to) I would have been defensive because in all honesty I didn’t realise I had a problem. I do think you are right in that comments sections aren’t always the best places to try and make these points, I think if someone had emailed me personally and been supportive that would have helped. I guess now I’m in a place where I feel like I’m over thinking everything to make sure that people don’t think I’m disordered!
I can definitely relate to the over thinking thing. I occasionally find myself questioning my choices just in case someone might accuse me of still hanging on to disordered thoughts.
This is a really great post, Amanda. I’ve seen plenty of things on blogs I don’t agree with, but how much do we know about the person’s life at the same time? I feel like it’s tough to judge disordered behavior unless we know the person outside the blog. I remember seeing a blogger post about how she was sick (like flu symptoms sick) and she still exercised and went to work. I left a comment saying she should rest instead of working out, but then again, I’m not her, and I’m not a doctor. I felt a little bad about it after, honestly. This is just such a tough thing to address!
*what you think (typing on phone!)
Great post and I was wondering what you thinks constitutes speaking up. I was half-expecting you to list bloggers you find in need of a wake-up call. Or do you suggest less hollow praise in comments sections and instead writing an email to that person? I agree being unkind, especially in the public domain, accomplishes little (and the blogger can delete it anyway).
Publicly calling out bloggers is something that I definitely wouldn’t ever do – it just seems incredibly disrespectful and out of line. When it comes to commenting, I’ll leave pretty neutral comments, or if they mention some kind of nagging ailment or concern (ie: I’m tired all the time, I ache, I don’t get my period), I’ll offer subtle suggestions at what they might try to do to fix it or relate some similar problems I experienced when I was going about doing things all wrong. It’s easier to give advice to bloggers who are open with their struggles… it’s a lot harder when it comes to those who pretend that everything is okay when it’s not.
Such a good post. I know I have had issues in my past and working on getting over them but I know the people who read my blog can see I did and know when I had say a binge or something. Def not the life to live and when I talk about it I make that so clear. It’s also hard to say because when I have opened up about my past in some of my posts I got some nasty emails and I took them because I feel a blog is opening up your life so it sort of comes with it. I don’t really count calories but I’m not gonna lie I have a sort of idea in my head about portions for being an avid counter for years. I know some blogs that I can’t even look at anymore sadly because it would be to triggering. (ex; she had green juice every meal, maybe I should do that?! or no sweets for her at all?! as im eating a cookie and now hating myself) I dont want those thoughts in my head and I don’t want anyone reading mine to ever get those thoughts. As for exercise I don’t know why but the whole HR monitor has been bugging me. I def see it as a good tool, but for some people! You know when you need it for the right reasons. I go to the gym and can run for an hour and the treadmill will read I burned 1000 calories, do I then go home to eat 1000 calories? No I listen to my body and eat what/when I want.. Glad you wrote this Amanda!
Great topic. When I first started my blog I developed a “friendship” with one girl who posted about going out to eat all the time. She was always willing to try new things when she went out to eat, but she wrote up a post about how eating naturally and organically was her passion so I simply asked her why it was easy for her to eat anything she wanted when she went out to eat.
She bitched back at me, defriended me on facebook, and I haven’t heard from her since.
I think THAT is what holds me back.
Yeah, a lot of people tend to get crazy defensive when their habits are questioned, which is unfortunate because a disordered mindset often keeps us from seeing things in an objective light – something that others are able to provide.
Ya, I wish I could say I have never gotten mad or defensive at someone for mentioning a habit of mine, but the truth is it happens way more than I would like to admit. However, usually after some time to think I realize that they were right and it was my ED trying to hold on tight that caused me to react the way I did.
I loved this post, Amanda, not to mention reading through most of the comments.
I actually was thinking something similar last week when a reader (whom I’ve never met before) wrote me an email about the confusion that she currently has about the concept, “What is healthy?” What should I eat? Is _____ food bad? _______ blogger says that fruit is the devil…What should I do??? etc. It made me realize that there are SO many bloggers out there, many of whom have very unhealthy eating and exercise regimes, and I can see how it might be incredibly confusing for some readers.
Like those above, you took my thoughts and put them into words [as you usually do]- very well said girl! I feel as if this has become all too prevalent lately and there is a lot of healthy living hypocrisy going around… Sadly. I think this is a sticky subject and somewhat of a gray area, whether you should say anything or just move. As I’ve come across certain things in the past, I’ve either moved on and kept my thoughts to myself, stopped reading the said blog, or sent the blogger an email which feels more personal than leaving them a comment for everyone else to see. XO
Great topic. While I do think the “you’re only seeing bits of my life!” thing is a bit overstated (sometimes we see more of a bloggers life than we do of IRL friends who aren’t that close), I agree that it can be difficult to gauge. I don’t have a problem with people who are honest about their struggles and genuinely make moves to change, but I have a BIG problem with the many bloggers who act like a wonderful example of healthy living on their blogs. The problem, as I see it, is that many readers come across these blogs and actually do find them inspirational, and aspire to live the UNhealthy lifestyle of the blogger, whilst thinking it’s healthy. The problem with calling them out in the comments is that it goes nowhere and you’d just get attacked by other readers, but I have emailed a blogger or two. I think email is a better avenue to provide that sort of feedback because you can go into more detail and express genuine concern rather than being seen as a “hater” on the blog. That said, I don’t generally believe my feedback does any good. I just hope that it’s one piece among many that pushes them past denial and into genuine recovery. Readers actually do care about bloggers. That’s what makes blogs different than reading, say, a newspaper. To me it’s a shame that expressing concern is seen as so hurtful and disingenuous, when it often comes from a very authentic place.
“Readers actually do care about bloggers.” <-- that totally made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
The blog world definitely helped me a lot in terms of recovery. Honestly, I didn’t start blogging when I first discovered this community because to some extent, I knew I was not eating well.
The more blogs I discovered, the more confused I got at times. But when I finally plunged into recovery, I realised it’s all not right. I see girls eating so much lesser than what I eat. My snacks look like their lunches/dinners!
It used to scare me how I wasn’t eating just carrot sticks or an apple for a snack (To me fruits are not even considered ‘snacks’, I just stuff them in my face and forget I had them in a few hours), or working out intensely every single day (I only work out like 4 times a week). But then I realise that I am in a happier, healthier, stronger, and better place.
Great post as usual, love!
A person has to be really firmly rooted in their own beliefs to not be affected by what they see in the blog world, and that can be really difficult in the early stages of recovery. It’s great to hear that you’ve been sticking to your guns, Shreya 🙂
It’s definitely a tricky situation! After all, what we see on blogs isn’t necessarily the whole truth – or the whole story. It’s certainly important to not encourage behaviours that you feel are disordered or incorrect.
It’s hard – I post gluten free recipes and give advice because I’m a coeliac – but I have hundreds of readers commenting/emailing for gluten free suggestions/advice because they want to “avoid gluten because it’s bad” or “need to eat cleaner” or the like. I actually think the opposite as I would much prefer to be eating gluteny whole grains and whole foods!
I can definitely imagine that being annoying 😕 Aside from people who have a genuine medical condition that requires the elimination of gluten, going gluten-free seems to be another diet trend that many people are latching on to; and the sad thing is that so many of them believe it makes them feel better… but who can really say if that’s actually true or if it’s just a placebo effect.
I am so grateful you wrote this post because I feel like this issue is often delicately sidestepped so often in the blog world. I come arose my fair share of blogs that leave me with an uncomfortable feeling, but like you I am often uncertain on whether it is my place to voice my opinion. I tend to keep my thoughts to myself, as it seems most of us have said we do, because I can’t say it is my place to comment on the way anyone lives their life. I prefer to stick to reading blogs that give me happiness and that I can relate to, and tend to stay away from those that clearly present issues. I am not sure if that is the way to go in terms of what is best for bringing some light to the issue, but it is what is I prefer to surround myself with. I do know, though, that if the situation happened with someone I am close with, in real life or a close blog friend, I would feel obligated to express my concern if only to offer support if they realize they need it. I sometimes have a hard time sharing so much on my blog because it is simply a glimpse into my everyday life, and I never want anyone reading it to feel the need to compare or feel as those their own habits are right or wrong.
That tangent aside, you are amazing for constantly bringing up topics that I know many bloggers are thinking about and providing a platform for some actual discussion. The more we talk about it, the more the subject will get out there.
Are you in my brain right now? Seriously, another topic that hit close to home for me. I’m actually really glad that you did comment on the post I had about my struggles, but I know it can be hard to just say what needs to be said. I do think it works better if the blogger is honest in the first place, and invites constructive commentary but the problem is that most are in denial or are just misleading their readers.
About the legitimate claims, I have to plead guilty. I tend to eat mostly gluten free, partly because I feel a little better without it, but mostly because I view it as a more ‘clean’ choice. Really, it’s just a way for me to restrict my food. However, I choose to be vegan not because of my eating disordered past, but because I have strong opinions about the farming industry and being a plant-based eater really works for me right now. I’ve challenged a lot of former fear foods because of it, so I don’t see it as restrictive. But as you said, it has to come from a place of honesty, not just trying to be as healthy as possible.
That’s a really great point, Ashely – it’s a lot easier to offer advice to an honest blogger than it is to call bull on someone who’s pretending that everything is fine. Again, honesty and openness are kind of key when it comes to communication…
Wow. What an honest post… I am thinking that sometimes it isn’t that we don’t care enough, but that we know we might not have all of the information.
I haven’t been blogging for very long or following anyone for any length of time. This hasn’t been a problem for me so far. It seems like the best thing to do would be to gently voice your opinion if you are worried about someone’s health. There have been many times I can remember someone (not about health – but about my kids, etc.) saying something in just-the-right way. I was mad for awhile, but when I took the time to think about it I realized they were right.
Thanks for the deep thoughts!
Love this. I literally just clicked “publish” on a very similar post. Have you ever spoken up on those blogs that you mention? Sometimes I feel like it… But I never do.
I’ve hinted and offered subtle suggestions on what they might try to change when they mention that they haven’t been feeling the best, but I’ve never straight up gone out and said anything critical.
AAAAAAAHHH this is so tough. And I agree with you, I don’t really think the comments section is the best place for it – I’ve sent a few emails to bloggers about their eating/exercise habits, and I always tried to voice my concerns gently and make it clear that I’m doing it out of CONCERN not out of being a jerk. It’s never been recieved well – one girl blocked me on twitter and another shot me back a super defensive email.
I think a lot of times its hard to tell when someone’s really got a problem and when their actions are legit. I don’t post about food a lot because I can’t eat gluten, and therefore don’t eat normal things like bread and cereal. Which, let me tell you, SUCKS and I ate that stuff all through my eating disorder time – but you never know who’s going to believe you, ESPECIALLY when I used to have an ED and still sometimes have food anxiety issues (which I try to be very transparent about – another reason I don’t talk about food a lot, I don’t want to come off like I’m 100% fine and normal cuz I know I’m not). I think there’s a lot of…doubt and mistrust that goes around in the blog world. And you’re also right that we have “closer” blog friends so the girls I’m close with I would probably say something too, but if I just started reading someone’s blog….? hmm. tough call.
That said, a lot of those bloggers honestly, reading their posts makes me feel pretty bad about myself (like I said, still have those food anxiety issues) and they make it hard for me to focus on doing what’s right for me – so I’ve stopped reading them all. My google reader is about ten blogs haha. I know that’s turning the blind eye, and maybe I’m doing them a disservice by not trying to help, but I have to look out for #1 ya know?
I don’t think you’re doing them a disservice at all, because like you said… those kind of comments are never well received. You can’t force someone to stop their destructive habits and get help – they have to be ready and willing to change. All you can really do is be there to offer support and advice when they ask for it.
Amanda, this was such a great post & something I’ve been thinking about for quite sometime. Part of me feels like it’s not my place to say anything; I mean who am I to judge anyone, everyone has their flaws and problems in life. I mean like you said were only seeing a glimpse into their everyday life (gosh I feel like i’m talking about a reality TV show now ha), but than the other part of me feels like it is appropriate to an extent. I mean we all come into blogging knowing that people will read our posts, and that criticism is going to happen, it’s just how life is you know. I don’t know, I think if you become very close with someone, and you feel like you have built a relationship where it’s okay to maybe put in your two sense, make a tiny suggestion, than that’s okay because you two have that friendship where it’s not coming across rude.
This is such a crazy post for me to read right now because I have been thinking the same thing for the past couple of months. I suffered from the same problems not too long ago so seeing people falling into these traps (ie. cutting carbs, exercising beyond reasonable measures, etc.) makes me run away in a totally different direction. I have had to cut out a lot of “healthy eating blogs” based on the fact that it just wasn’t what I needed at the time. Even now I read some blogs and it’s hard not to write anything about how they might be hurting themselves. It’s a very fine line and I’m not even sure how to go about it myself. But this post is wonderful and is definitely needs attention.
i know this feeling. And usually i email the person and “check in.” or I just don’t comment. really depends. I would want some one to email and me and voice something. it means they care, but in a way thats not threatening, ya know?
This is essentially why I love your blog – you are REAL you are HONEST and you want to help others. I have stopped reading so many blogs because I felt that so many of them were written by people who really were unhappy with their lives and trying to make it seem like everything was just great. I really never felt comfortable commenting on another’s lifestyle that could be potentially harmful primarily because I didn’t know the personally but now that I think more about it I wonder if that is exactly what these kind of people need to see how harmful and unhappy their lives really are.
Yeah I’m not sure 🙁 I think it’s something that everyone has to realize on their own. Like I know that when I was in the depths of my ED, nothing anyone said to me made any difference. Of course they were right, but it wasn’t something I was willing to accept at the time. Ultimately it’s something the person has to internalize on their own.
I love this! I tend to not put in my 2 cents, and if the blog starts to offend me or cause me to think poorly of myself I quit reading it. You are exactly right that we only see a snapshot of the blogger. I’m sure that person’s friends and family who know him/her way better than us readers notice if there is a problem, and they should be the ones to speak to them about it. Not a stranger. Just my thoughts on it though!
I see a lot of disordered and sad bloggers, but I do not speak up, maybe I should?
Hell, I was in that place once too and I still have days where I have little struggles, but since being preggo it has not been that way! I am healthy and happy and want a healthy baby!
I feel like I don’t speak up because I am afraid that the blogger will get pissed off or upset at me. So hard to figure out what is right. I mean if it was a close friend in real life, hell yes I would say something.
That’s part of the reason that I don’t speak up – because when people aren’t ready to change their ways, comments voicing concern will just upset them without doing anything to help. I just try to be there for them if they do want support or advice.
I loved this post Amanda and definitely know what you’re talking about, since I used to be one of those girls! Thanks for all the tips:)
So yes, I was thinking the same thing as the girls above. That some of the girls commenting clearly fall into this category in my mind. And you know what, maybe I’m one of those bloggers that people want to email. Right now, I’m in a good place to hear it. But I don’t think that I would have been even six months ago. And that’s all well and good now that I’ve made the progress that I have made. But I remember the first comment I got on BNS wayyyy back when. It was a GOMI-type commenting that they thought I was bullshit. Well, I brushed it off as them not knowing anything and deleted their comment. But it stuck with me. Because they were right. I was bullshit. At least now, I know how far I still have to go.
And as always, thank you for putting my thoughts into such eloquent words and pleasepleaseplease continue telling me the truth. 🙂
I think that’s part of the problem with bringing things to people’s attention… if they’re not ready to recover, any sort of comment voicing concern will just do more harm than good. It’s not going to spur the person to change, and it’ll just put them on the defensive.
And you know you can always count on me 🙂 <3 <3
It was very interesting to read your post and everyone’s responses to it. I am new to the blog world, but have been reading them for years. I def. agree with your post. It seems that a ton of bloggers will agree with whatever the person posted. I feel like if that person wrote “I hate flowers”, most comments would be “oh yeah flowers aren’t great”. You certainly don’t see a whole person’s life through their posts. Blogs make people’s lives seem perfect. They are constantly working out, eating balanced meals, have happy marriages, and never have a bad day. In reality, that just doesn’t happen. I like reading blogs where the blogger shows a lot of different aspects of his/her life, even the not so perfect ones.
UHM YES TO ALL OF THIS.
Thank you for finally posting what NEEDS to be said. I have stopped reading quite a few bloggers who log crazy amounts of miles with no rest days and clearly don’t fuel themselves well because they look like they are going to break in half. It breaks my heart that they don’t realize what they are doing to their hormones, reproductive health and bones. I don’t know if it is more anger or this feeling of I need to help them but regardless sometimes It is just better to stop reading.
One final rant: “I have no sweet tooth” …. *adds sugar alcohols & stevia to recipes*
WHAT THE EFF.
Hahahahah thank you for this!
LOL so true!
I know you hate it when *I* make assumptions lol (I mean come on, a fellow Polak? But then again, aren’t we the most critical people on the planet?), but I don’t do so out of spite or anything. It really is out of concern. I do it when I feel like I come across something that mirrors what I’m guilty of having done or continue to do. Obviously, I know that I can misread something or misconstrue it. But I feel compelled to comment if I think I have something legitimate to contribute — something to point out to the blogger that may get them to re-evaluate something, or to just get people thinking in general.
Something I noticed when I went to a few ED support group meetings at the beginning of my recovery was that I was the one who constantly talked… being totally open about EVERYTHING, and giving in to gaining weight. I HATED that every other girl there was just a wallflower…. I thought, “Why are you even here!?” It made me furious. I couldn’t understand it. But what I take from that is that clearly, I was at a point where I was ready for recovery. The others were not, just as I wasn’t a mere two months before. It took a deep realization from WITHIN for me to give into recovery. No one could talk me into it before then. So…. yeah, commenting on disordered habits will really not do much good.
I don’t mind when you make assumptions – us Polaks have to watch out for each other 😛 We’ve been talking for long enough for me to know that your comments come out of concern and not just being snarky. Besides, I appreciate being called on my sh*t every now and again
Well it’s not even your sh*t per se, but maybe my own (or the commenter’s) as you pointed out in a comment above! Sometimes the tiniest thing that comes off remotely disordered can cause a red flag for someone who themselves is really suffering from that exact thing. Sometimes the case with me for sure!
I don’t read a ton of HLB’s but I see a lot of destructive shit on IG – like posting their current weight/goal weight in their profiles + 34598349 workout photos every day… and weird gooey/artificial sweetener/egg white/protein powder food concoctions. This needs to change – it’s alarming that young women are preaching about ‘healthy eating’ but are developing food phobias to PERFECTLY HEALTHY FOODS – whole eggs, CANE SUGAR, grains, potatoes… WHO STARTED THIS?! I feel like I need to speak up & defend food. In regards to food allergies & intolerances, I have two theories about why this is running rampant. 1. When you cram 38592 ingredients into one dish, of course you’re going to feel like crap. 2. The psychological anxiety surrounding food & attaining the perfect body is creating a physical response that weakens the GI tract, which in turn, makes you more susceptible to food sensitivities. It’s a vicious cycle, and the only way to fix it is to work on the spirit & maybe invest in a therapist, instead of protein powder.
Have you read the blog GoKaleo? She is like the more aggressive version of you… she has a lot of great things to say, too. 😀
LOVE your theory on intolerances. With some of the weird food combinations that people come up with, it’s really no surprise that their GI tract is going a little wonky… heck, I’ve been guilty of that myself. And the IG pictures some people post… oh man don’t even get me started on the recent increase of HR monitor/calories burned pictures popping up all over the place. It’s enough to make my left eye start twitching…
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately too. There are a few bloggers who I really think need a gentle wake up call… but I’m too nervous to be the person to do it. But if I really don’t agree with a blogger, I don’t comment on their blog (although I still sometimes read it… it’s like a car crash I can’t look away from). I feel like by not commenting, I’m at least not contributing to the support for their unhealthy behaviour. But I feel like I should be doing more – because these bloggers aren’t just hurting themselves – they are hurting their vulnerable readers.
It’s funny because there have been a lot of posts like this lately and I have a gut feeling a lot of them are geared towards one blogger in particular. And if the rest of us all feel this way, how can that blogger be so oblivious?!
I know what you mean, but it’s hard to do more when people aren’t willing to admit they have a problem and accept help. And it is hard to believe that someone can be so oblivious, which leads me to believe that they aren’t as oblivious as they pretend to be… I know that even at my most disordered, I knew what I was doing was wrong, I just wasn’t willing to do anything about it…
This is an interesting topic and I think there’s fine line between speaking up out of genuine concern for another person, and having our own buttons pushed and saying something because of that. There are a lot of bloggers who I’ve communicated with outside of the comments section, and who I think are great women, but there are times when I’ve been triggered by their content and have to stop reading for a while. However, when I get triggered, I’ve realized that more often than not it’s because I have an unresolved issue that needs to be worked through, or I just have a different view about what constitutes healthy behavior and what doesn’t. If it’s one of my closer blogger friends and I got concerned about their safety and health, I would send a private email showing my support. It’s a tough call though, because I know there are blogs out there that blatantly discuss ED symptoms with pride and that’s a tricky situation because I just feel sorry that they are in that mindset, but grateful that I’m not anymore.
I’m really glad that you brought this up. I usually just don’t comment if I see something that is totally disordered on a blog. If it were a close blend, I might send them a text and make sure they are alright, but I have never needed to do that.
However, as a blogger, I also worry about how my own blog can be perceived. What seems like a step towards recovery for me, may be taken the wrong way by someone else. Also, I may not know if something I am talking about on my blog seems disordered. Remember, I have had this problem for a long time and even though I have been making improvements, I am far from perfect. I try to be as good an influence as possible, but I would appreciate it if someone told me the truth if I posted something that was potentially triggering. Please know that you can speak up to me if my blog ever seems off. I know that you are caring and respectful and would never give criticism unless it was very necessary. Chances are, if something seems wrong, it’s something I need to hear. Can I send you my cell phone number over email? I love getting texts from blends and if you ever have something you want to say outside of the comments section, I am 100% open to hearing it 🙂
I think that people are generally more understanding when a blogger openly admits to struggling or being in recovery from an eating disorder. It’s those who struggle while pretending that they’re perfectly fine that are the biggest problem. And of course you can 🙂
I couldn’t agree more with this post. I have actually had to stop reading certain blogs because of this. I really like the idea of sending a personal e-mail. I always feel bad for bloggers when they are left with very hurtful comments. Like what you said “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
I’ve only been reading your blog for a little while, and I don’t have the time to comment often, but every post I read here strikes a chord with me. Your blog is fantastic and I love the way you discuss important issues so openly.
This is definitely something I think about a lot when considering the healthy living blogworld. I am so so tired of seeing people cut things out for no REAL reason. I have a friend who genuinely has coeliac disease, as in the went to hospital and had the test, as in she spends all morning throwing up if she ingests a breadcrumb the size of my thumbnail, as in it stunted her growth as a child, as in it was passed down to her genetically! That is real allergy to gluten, not you get bloated sometimes and jumped to that conclusion. I also have a friend who has type 1 diabetes, the other day she said she could never go on any type of restrictive diet as constantly dealing with her blood sugar levels makes life annoying enough. These are people who have real reasons for making huge dietary changes and restricting food types.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that most other people are necessarily doing it ‘just because’ but unless you went to the hospital for a diagnosis, you probably got it wrong. One of the worst things about the internet is the rise in self diagnosing. My chronic pain consultant hates the fact that now we all just look up conditions online, think we match a lot of the symptoms, decide that’s what we have, start self-medicating and experiencing all of the other symptoms by placebo…
Sorry for the rant, I just think you raised a really important topic as people writing about their restrictions can encourage younger, more impressionable readers to do the same, which can be dangerous.
Glad you wrote this post!
Self-dagnosis is definitely a danger, especially when taken too far. I don’t have a problem with people experimenting with their diet to see what makes them feel the best, but as long as it’s done with a genuine desire to be healthy as opposed to a misguided belief that it will help them keep their weight in check.
I think the best thing to do if you’re THAT concerned is send the personal e-mail. At least it won’t be spewed to the public. Also, I think all of it is the tone of delivery. HOW you voice your concern. In other words, are you saying mean and hurtful things like, “Just go eat a cupcake!” or “I noticed you haven’t been eating as much lately. Or so your blog leads me to believe…I’m just a little concerned…” I’ve had people do the first of the two deliveries and it only led to me basically disowning them as family/friend. There is a BIG difference between loving concern and being mean/embarassing someone in front of others. It’s a tough call…I think if you know them well/feel comfortable shoot the e-mail. Otherwise, don’t say anything and if it bothers you stop reading the blog (sometimes unsaid things can be eyeopeners to people too…like a gradually declining audience to your blog).
I’m on my way to class right now and I have so much I could say on this topic, so I’ll save it for a rainy day. I skimmed some of the comments and I’m happy to share the same views as many of you! The short version of my spiel: I read a post today that is pretty much the exact OPPOSITE of the discussion you’re trying to start and it was terribly disturbing. I believe that by reading blogs/making pointless comments that perpetuate these “issues” we are doing much more harm to them (and the entire blog community) than good.
I think this is definitely a topic that’s on everyone’s minds. Personally, I choose to just stop reading a blog that I can’t support, no matter how much I like her personality. I think that’s the best way we can “speak our minds” since actually saying something would probably result in the blogger being defensive and upset. And like you mentioned, what is it really going to do and we don’t see everything, we just see what they put on their blog. If someone really has a problem, I’d hope that their family would recognize it and step in.
There was one thing that I didn’t agree with on your post – you said in reference to cutting out certain food groups: “Now, I know that there are plenty of instances where those claims are actually true, but I also know that for every legitimate claim, there are about ten that aren’t.” How do you know that? As someone who has IBS and intolerances and has been cutting out foods (mostly gluten and soy – and then certain veggies that upset my stomach), I’ve come to learn that everyone’s digestive system is different and changes throughout their lives, you can’t just assume that 9 out of 10 people are doing it “just because.”
9/10 may have been an exaggeration, but I’ve come across way too many instances where the person openly admits to cutting out food groups simply to restrict, all the while labelling it a sensitivity. I’m no stranger to eliminating foods from my diet because they cause me problems – God knows I suffer enough stomach woes – but when a person admits to it after the fact, you can’t really argue with that.