I’ve been keeping things pretty light around these parts lately, and it’s not because I have nothing serious to talk about, but because I can’t make sense of the more serious topics that I do want to talk about. Remember how I mentioned that I wanted to write a post addressing my thoughts on “constantly feeling like I have to be on guard with diet and exercise to make sure that people don’t think I’m falling back into old habits“? That was last Monday, and to be honest, I’m no closer to figuring out what I want to say about the subject now than I was back then. Sigh.
But enough is enough. Having this float around in my head is starting to drive me crazy, so it’s time to sit down and get ‘er done… or out, as it were. Apologies in advance if this makes little to no sense – I’m just going to type the words as they come and worry about the coherence factor later. Or never. Here we go…
I realize that my blog doesn’t exactly make my eating habits out to be all that clean…
I eat a quite lot of sugar (the good and not-so-good kind)…
I don’t always eat my veggies…
Breakfast for dinner, anyone?
I eat processed foods on occasion…
I treat myself on a daily basis…
And I don’t sweat every day; unless it happens to be really hot, which it hasn’t been in quite a while.
Needless to say, I’m definitely not a poster child for a clean and healthy lifestyle. But I’m okay with that. Why? Because I was probably the unhealthiest that I’ve ever been back in the day where I was a healthy living poster child. It didn’t matter that I was eating plenty of veggies. It didn’t matter that I never touched process foods. It didn’t matter that I avoided white sugar and flour. It didn’t matter that I was going to the gym 5 or 6 days a week. All of that meant nothing because my mind was in a bad place and that one thing seemed to negate all of the other “positive” things I was doing. It wasn’t until I eased up on my restrictive, obsessive, “must eat 100% clean, 100% of the time” mentality that I started to feel (and look) better.
But the thing is…. my eating and exercise habits aren’t even that bad – they’re actually quite good – I just feel like I have to highlight the not-so-healthy aspects of them to prove that I’m healthy. I mean, what would people think if I told them I just snacked on an apple? And heaven forbid all I wanted was a salad… Those are the kind of things that you only do within the confines of your own home.
So I share my more interesting eats…
… while keeping the healthier ones hidden…
But it’s starting to feel fake. I’m tired of constantly feeling like I have to project a certain image, and I’m tired of seeing healthy as something negative – these days it almost feels like the healthier you try to be physically, the unhealthier you must be mentally. Maybe it’s all in my head (a lot of it probably is), but I feel like I have to go out of my way to bring attention to my unhealthier habits just so people don’t assume that I’m going back to my “health”-obsessed bad habits. The constant vigilance is starting to take its toll though. Heck, I don’t even feel like I’m allowed to talk about healthy eating and exercise because of the negative connotation those things have in my mind, much less do those things myself.
Feeling guilty for wanting to be healthy? Strange, I know.
It’s a mindset I really need to get over. Yes, healthy habits are often taken to the extreme, thus becoming unhealthy habits, but there’s nothing wrong with the habits themselves – it’s the mindset behind them that matters. It’s like when a guy buys a girl flowers – the act itself is sweet, but if he’s only doing it for a better shot at getting into her pants well then… no longer so sweet. But I digress.
The point is, I developed quite a nasty bias against the whole idea of healthy living as a result of my eating disorder, which caused me to slingshot in the opposite direction in my recovery. I need to work on finding that balance, that middle ground. I’ve always had a passion for health and fitness, and I miss being able to engage in those things without second guessing myself or feeling guilty…
. – . – . – .
Can anyone relate to my bias and/or guilt?
Bloggers, do you feel like you need to be careful when it comes to how you project yourself?
I completely agree with you! When I was eating “100% clean and 100% healthy” mentally I was the worst I’ve ever been; now that I treat myself everyday I feel so much better!
I’m the same as you, I post up pictures of my more tasty looking/unhealthy eats..then I had someone comment on my blog the other day saying “OMG you’re so unhealthy virtually all your meals have chocolate in and are pancakes/oats etc, there’s not a veggie in sight”. Its comments like that that really annoy me as of course I still eat my veggies/greens etc but who wants to see a big bowl of steamed broccoli or a bowl of leaves?! I think there is definitely some bias towards being both really healthy & then also living that happy medium as lots of people just portray it as having no self restraint…
You mean to tell me that you don’t get excited by big bowls of broccoli? 😆 I hear ya… there’s really nothing interesting about those – it basically comes down to posting them to prove that you ate them… because a meal isn’t complete unless it’s posted on IG 😉
It really is all about balance. I eat healthy about 80% of the week.. the other 20% I leave to eating out, road trip food, late dinners, and going out. Most of the blogs I follow post recipes that are super healthy and then follow with a super sweet dessert. We all do it.. we give in to our sweet tooth, and there is nothing wrong with that!
Aw, that has to suck Amanda! It sounds like you can’t ever get a place where your eating habits are socially acceptable. But you know what? I think it may be the same for every one. We unfortunately live in a society where others implicitly and explicitly judge our weight and our eating habits no matter who we are. So funny (or not) that those topics are free to discuss while judging other things like race and religion are considered closed-minded. It’s all the same to me. At the end of the day, you know who you are and how you feel and that is what is the most important! There is always going to be someone who isn’t happy.
I have a similar experience with some of the choices I make involving my consumption of animal products. I am morally against factory farming, and in order to avoid supporting these institutions I am very picky about the eggs and meat I consume. This can lead to questions and judgments from others, but I try not to let it bother me. People aren’t always going to understand, and I don’t want to waste time justifying my decisions to them. Hey, I’m not asking them to tell me why they chose X item off the menu, right?
Sorry for the ramble, I just wanted to let you know I think I kind of get it in a roundabout way! It can be really frustrating but for me it’s always easier not looking to others to support or refute the decisions I make (not just in food, but in life!).
xo,
Susan
Honestly, I don’t think any of us who read your blog are going to see you post a pic of a salad you ate and go “omigosh she is going back to the way she used to be” (at least I won’t) Really, I can’t vouch for anyone else, but we all know you at least a little and will understand if you want to post about exercise and healthy stuff 😀
Comforting to know. Thanks, Liz <3
LOVE this post! Found you through Lindsay – lean bean blog! Following!
Recently posted something similar…maybe you can advise!
http://fitmommymay.blogspot.com/2013/06/helpmy-mom-has-called-child-protective.html
I read your post Heather, but my laptop has issues commenting on Blogger blogs so I hope you don’t mind me responding here… That’s definitely a pretty tough situation, but the only advice I can think of is to stick to your guns and lead by example. It really sounds like switching over to a healthier diet has done so many wonderful things for your family, so hopefully your parents will realize that after a while and become more accepting.
So it seems like you’re almost over compensating to prove you aren’t what you used to be? That’s tough stuff. It’s hard to be surrounded by this wonderful community and feel like you aren’t doing the best thing for yourself or feel like you’re being judged because of what you eat – or anything in between. But the main reason to blog: for yourself.
Like what Hayley says above, there is no one size fits all approach and I’d like to smack people who think that there is. There are good ideas, good suggestions, but that’s about it. In no way do I want to eat Paleo, nor do I want to eat fast food every day. Everyone has a happy medium, a healthy zone, if you will, and yours is what it is – perfect for you.
I definitely only show what I want – which is what people must keep in mind if they choose to read. I will not ever talk about what I eat on a daily basis because it’s A) not really interesting (i suck in the kitchen) and B) not really relevant, at least now.
In any case, I love reading your blog (i just found you!!) and I’m thrilled to see what you talk about and post pictures of. You are a great blogger, and I know you’ll find balance with your healthy living habits.
One last tangent – I feel like the phrase ‘healthy living’ is itself sort of a stigma. Yes, I’m a ‘healthy living’ individual, I promote fitness and well being, but that doesn’t mean that everything I do is healthy. Health encompasses so many aspects of life, relationships, internal, personal, physical, mental, nutritional – and they are all related, sure. But, ‘healthy living’ isn’t done in just one way. It’s done tons of different ways, and that should be celebrated. Sorry this was so long! My thoughts, like yours, are sort of scattered on this topic. Thanks for posting though. <3
Loved reading your thoughts, girl! Especially when it comes to healthy living being done a multitude of different ways. There’s definitely no one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to health. It’s all about doing what makes you feel your best.
This is a good post and I think many “healthy living” bloggers relate to it because we are constantly being judged by our food choices. I think what helps me is that I try to realize that if I know I am doing what makes me happy, then it doesn’t really matter if everyone else approves or if a few people are questioning my choices. If you are confident in how you are living, then to hell with the rest 🙂 It is super ironic though that there is this weird stigma of being though of as unhealthy if you are too healthy…there’s definitely no one-size-fits-all approach so I think it’s great you just do what works for you and own it.
Yes! I totally agree with this post. . especially trying to be a healthy living blogger, but coming under attack because I ate ice cream for dinner one night or didn’t go running one day. .. it’s hard not to sensor yourself on the blog to try to project the image that you want people to see. I try to go out of my way to show that healthy living is exactly that – living!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts too – I think, at least for me, it helps to get them out on the page and out of your head!!
This is why I find it hard to take pictures of what I eat every day. I don’t want others to think the things I post are the ONLY things I eat and try to mimic them in a sense. Also, I don’t want someone to comment and say, “I need to eat more of this or that,” because I might just shrug it off but the comment somehow manages to manifest itself in my little head.
My mother asked me the other day why I never eat salads anymore and I plain out told her, “It reminds me of the worst days”; however, I would no longer avoid cheese and nuts and other fatty toppings but the feeling of just eating a large salad for dinner freaks me out. I just associate it with the days of eating a ton of vegetables with vinegar and mustard and non-fat cottage cheese. Oof. It’s hard for me to do it now because my life of being obsessive was revolved around raw vegetables.
I do feel the stigma of trying to show others I am no longer in the darker depths of my disordered eating by only going out to frozen yogurt or things which are “indulgences”. And when I do go out, I do feel as though people are watching what I eat because of my past. It’s just annoying and I shouldn’t feel I need to PROVE anything to anyone as long as I feel good about myself.
I used to have those kind of negative associations with certain foods too. Giant salads definitely brought back bad memories, but so did things like watermelon and green tea. I still haven’t overcome the green tea bit, but thankfully watermelon came back into my life in a good way.
Oh yes, I definitely feel you on this one – though when can I ever say I didn’t with any of your posts?! But I digress.
Constantly needing to point out the “unhealthy” habits we have in terms of food and fitness to make sure nobody suspects us slipping and falling back into old habits. Showing – and even stressing – that yes, indeed, we are lazy at times, too. Eating sweets or chips in front of others even when I’m not feeling like them in that moment – just to proove I do eat them in general.
What I’ve been trying to tell myself – at least in terms of blogging – is that people never see the whole me. Like when somebody points out one of my meals to look tiny or lacking in energy. It’s not their fault. They can’t know whether I probably had a huger breakfast that day or generally what else I ate. Or, simply: that I wasn’t that hungry. It happens to “normal” people all the time and they don’t need to make a million excuses so why should we? Well, obviously because we chose to expose ourselves to a broader public by starting blogs but it’d be easier if we could cut that part of comparison and guilt out, wouldn’t it?
Yes girl! I love this. The body can’t be healthy if the mind isn’t! All the stress we place on ourselves trying to achieve perfection does just as much, if not more, damage than not eating perfectly can do.
Hi!:) Well first off, thanks for this post. As a blogger and recovering ED survivor of 10 years being sick, I can testify that this isn’t an easy battle. I even went to school and got a B.S. degree in Nutrition, so I fight the battle even harder. For me, I decided not to give up my clean eating and healthy eating, and I look 100 times better now than I did when I was at my worst of 78 pounds suffering from anorexia and orthorexia to an extreme obviously. I still don’t eat the processed stuff, and I actually do advocate a clean lifestyle, yet now, I don’t feel like I have to eat all raw or all vegan to be 100% pure and clean. I don’t touch sugar for medical reasons and I’m not afraid to eat out at restaurants anymore, though i do eat the healthiest options on the menu. I get that maybe I’m not “there” yet, where some people say they are during recovery, but my mind is much farther along in recovery than before.
On my blog, The Soulful Spoon, I don’t really mind stating how passionate I am about healthy living and eating clean, because honestly, it just makes me feel better and not eating this way led me to a life of sugar addiction, food obsessions and depression. Healthy living actually got me out of that hole, but I simply took it to an extreme. I finally feel like I have that balance and that’s a nice place to be, without obsessing about not eating certain allergens like I used to, but also choosing my leafy greens, lean protein and Greek yogurt over the sugary ice cream and cereals I used to binge on.
Thanks again for the post. You’re amazing and I love your blog!
Choosing to live a healthy lifestyle can be a really beautiful thing when it’s not taken to the extreme. I know that it was a desire to nourish my body properly that really helped me conquer those initial stages of recovery… I just had to realize that I didn’t -have- to eat that way 100% of the time if I didn’t want to.
I never post everything I eat because I know people compare it to what they eat. I know they do because I do it. I’m like “oh she doesn’t eat alot of carbs or she eats smaller meals, etc…” Comparison is so unhealthy. When I catch myself doing it I get off the internet and take a break.
This was a very interesting read Amanda! It’s kind of funny because I was starting to feel the opposite way. I was feeling like I was posting too much of my “fun eats” and not enough of the healthy stuff. I would consider myself a healthy food blogger, but then when I was posting about the not-so-healthy dinner I had on Friday night, I started to feel like I was contradicting myself. It’s a weird dilemma!
However, the more I think about it, blogging about healthy food isn’t bad and niether is blogging about unhealthy food. It’s all about balance and what makes you happy. Our blogs are about real life and I don’t think we should feel bad or uneasy about what we post.
Totally relate to the guilt! Though I have no ED history, I do struggle to keep weight on. I enjoy healthy foods, but I feel so judged when coworkers turn up their noses at my green smoothie or call my hearty salad rabbit food. I feel like they see me, my appearance, my daily exercise (walking) during lunch break & assume I have this obsession/disordered habits when truthfully, I just feel better this way! Also, I feel guilty that my blogging & overall zeal for health has influenced my mother’s habits. Since she has health problems (RA & Type 2 diabetes to name just 2), I’ve longed for her to adopt better habits. But now that she has, I feel that she sees what I eat/do & doesn’t realize I DO treat myself fairly often & denies herself things she once enjoyed (but could still enjoy in moderation). I also think these feelings we have just shows how screwed up society is. Whatever happened to eating real food & moving a bit through the day? It’s actually pretty easy to be healthy (in general….not talking about health conditions beyond our control), so why judge others so harshly
Mmm, I can see how that balance could be hard. Especially because it’s like, if all you post are pics of healthy food, it almost makes me feel bad for not eating that healthy lol! Meanwhile, you get the good chocolates over there – love Smarties and Aeroes! 🙂
Post what you want, don’t post what you don’t want. Isn’t that what blogging is really about? 🙂
I know exactly what you mean. When I have a bad day it makes me wonder if I’m as healthy as I think. In ypga last night I was struggling to keep negative thoughts about my weekend out of my head. I’m working on getting back to being healthy mentally and physically. When I think back to my obsessive diet and running days I realize that I wasn’t really living my life I was just going through the days and waiting and planning for my next meal or workout… that’s NOT healthy. Finding the balance is hard though… Just stick with it and try to keep those negative thoughts out of your head.
I had no idea that you felt like that. I wish I could take away that fear for you. I definitely have fears and doubts of being accepted as a blogger and I do have to censor myself sometimes. I guess I try to share as many (mostly) healthy recipes as possible to encourage other people out there to eat healthy but I’m not perfect and sometimes eat frozen meals and only work out once a week. I feel guilty about it but I’m try not to beat myself up because being unhappy mentally is just as bad as physically.
Definitely don’t beat yourself up, girl! I’d go as far as to say that being unhappy mentally is even worse than it is physically!
I can totally relate. I *try* to be healthy, but I also allow a lot of treats. Balance, eh? I sometimes feel guilty trying to portray a “healthy” image, but I’m just out there being me… and writing about it… often. haha Oh, and there you go teasing me with that cake again…
I totally relate to this feeling. I feel like since I’ve been trying to eat “cleaner” in the past few months, that some people become concerned that I’m trying to lose weight or not eating enough when all it means is that I just feel BETTER when I eat better. Yes, I do enjoy the occasional fast food meal or trip to the ice cream store, but that’s not the reality of my day-to-day life. Brava to you for recognizing the difference between real reality and a blogger’s reality. 🙂
At times, I definitely feel like I need to project myself in a certain way. Since I consider myself to be a “healthy living blogger” and the title of my blog contains “clean eating,” I often feel guilty/bad if I mention eating something that is not so healthy, whole, or clean (even though this is SO necessary in life!). I can remember a WIAW post a few months back where I mentioned that I ate a slice of cake, but I made sure that I specified that it was a “small” piece of cake- almost to justify that it was okay. In actuality, I should not have to justify anything or explain anything, but for some reason I find myself doing so :(.
Nah, I don’t really care. I totally tweeted about all the junk food I ate on Sunday. I am not a daily food picture taker, so I don’t feel pressure at all.
I definitely get this – and I think it’s a stigma that’s pretty unique to the HLB world. Honestly, MOST bloggers are former sufferers of some form of ED and while it’s great that this is a supportive community where people can understand each other that way….it also creates this sense that everyone is judging you – are you eating enough? are you REALLY recovered? etc etc. Personally, this is why I choose to NOT talk about what I eat that much on my blog – especially because I can’t eat gluten, dairy, or peanuts and so yeah to a lot of HLB girls I’m sure I look like the poster child of “she still has an ED”. Yeah I eat dessert every night and I drink a LOT of beer, but in reality I eat pretty clean, and I like it that way – and I shouldn’t have to defend myself to some chick on the internet watching me like a hawk while she should be focusing on her own life/issues/whatever. GAH. sorry. This stigma really does piss me off haha.
Now there’s something I didn’t consider – the idea that judgment is so much more prevalent in the HLB world because of the fact that so many bloggers are former ED sufferers. I definitely don’t notice as much judgment out there in the real world, so maybe it does all come down to projection… Thanks for the thought, girl 🙂
It’s great that you are so self-aware. I think that’s really important to prevent taking steps backwards. When I was really thin and struggling with my Celiac disease diagnosis, I was concerned about what people thought of what I was eating. I knew they were judging me, so whenever I could eat something unhealthy in a public place I went out of my way to do it. I still struggle with this because I usually have to refuse donuts and cake, etc. at work functions while some people don’t know that I’m gluten-free they will say, “oh, it’s too unhealthy for you.” Or, “of course the skinny one doesn’t want cake.” It’s too bad that it is so commonplace for people to comment on other’s eating habits.
I think that blogging makes it really difficult to project your true self. You get feedback fro readers about what they are interested in when you post, so you start to write posts accordingly, but then you begin to leave out other aspects of life that help make life balanced. And then we get back to this idea of balance that we all seem to struggle to find.
..this was really intriguing – and i totally get it.. i think it’s really difficult to find a perfect balance in the pendulum swing of ‘healthy eating’ but i think it’s damn near impossible once we start factoring in outside opinions and conceptions.. i was just commenting on another blog about this passage from my daily devotional that said not to worry about what other people think because people can be ‘harsh taskmaskers’ and i think it’s so true – no matter how ‘right’ you think you’re doing something, someone else’s opinion (or your own worries about their opinion!) will send you running in circles once again.. i think talking about and encouraging others to live a healthy lifestyle is great and important, but it can be hard for those of us who put ourselves in that position because then there’s even MORE scrutnity and you run the risk of becoming a representation of yourself (influenced by others’ expectations) instead of just yourself – which can feel really isolating, because you almost feel like you have these two separate lives! (which def can’t be healthy lol) i say; BE YOU 🙂
It’s definitely a difficult position to be in because no matter what you say or do, there’s always someone who’s going to have a problem with it. Like you said, at the end of the day, you just have to be true to yourself.
I definitely agree that as bloggers we’re putting ourselves under a microscope, which is a big reason why I don’t share food as much as I used to. I think my blog has evolved away from that a bit and it works best for me because I feel less pressure to be “perfect” all the time.
I’m so glad you put this post up, Amanda…especially because I’m sure every blogger can relate to some extent! With the number of eating disorders (both past and present) in the blog world, I feel like any discussion to wanting to lose weight or clean up one’s diet automatically raises red flags. I’ve started to blog with an “eff it” mentality- my blog is only a glimpse of my life and if people are going to misinterpret what they see, it’s a shame…but I can’t put up posts just to please others- if that’s the case, I rather not blog at all ☺
“…these days it almost feels like the healthier you try to be physically, the unhealthier you must be mentally.” -> beautifully written. I definitely have issues with this. When I’m setting up my WIAW posts, I’m always struggling. Most nights, I’ll actually just have some fruit for dessert–but I never explicitly say that because who just eats fruit for dessert?! I also feel the need to include more of my “unhealthier” eats and less of my “healthier” eats just to prove, hey, I eat “unhealthy” stuff, too. Maybe I’ll try to include them in the proportions that I actually eat them this week. 🙂
I sometimes just eat fruit for dessert 😉
I can certainly relate to your bias/guilt! I have felt that way on a number of occasions. More often than not, however, I’m not thinking about my eating habits or my lifestyle until someone points them out, and they’re usually saying “wow, you’re inspiring” or “thanks for the motivation.” I had someone who I had recently met comment on a photo I posted yesterday on Facebook (it was a running related photo, my legs were covered in grass seed) and say “Wow, you run soooo much…thanks for the motivation!” I had to stop and think “Do I really still post that often about running on FB now that I have my blog?” I know that the people who have known me for a long time know that I am a runner, and that people I see on daily/weekly basis know it as well, but for a relative stranger to say that to me, it made me stop and think. Do I subconsciously post my workouts now just to uphold my image as a runner/healthy person, or is it just something that is natural to me and that I just do it? (does that make sense?) To me, going for a run 4/5 days a week or working out 5/6 days a week is a natural part of who I am. I don’t have to think about adding fruit to my breakfast or grabbing a healthy snack. But as a blogger, I do kind of feel like I have to SHARE that with my readers, just to maintain my “image.” I lose quite a few followers on Twitter during the weekend though, because I let that image slip. I love beer. I love ice cream. I love balance, and if you can’t appreciate that I am a human being and not a brand or an image, then I don’t want your time anyway.
Sorry for the novel!
I totally get what you’re saying about this topic and it’s something I always feel like Im’ on guard with when it comes to friends and family.
I have a kot of these thoughts too and I feel not quite guilty, but afraid for what people will say if I don’t have a treat everyday or something like that.
It almost feels wrong, and then you get the accusations that you’re eating diet food. But, if you’re at a healthy weight and mind why does it matter if you eat a so called “diet” food. It really shouldn’t be a big deal, but there’s definitely that stigma attached.
There’s definitely that awareness when I post things, but I try to be real anyways and hope no one says anything rude.
Seriously loved this post, I feel like I could have written this myself if I could write that well.
While I try hard to eat healthy, there are MANY times that I don’t and one of the hardest things is to realize that is OKAY. It’s normal in our busy lives to not have time to eat healthy 100% and while there are people out there who do there are probably so many more that don’t. I like to think that I am a healthy eater, but I also like to think that I have healthy thoughts about myself as well and sometimes to get to that point you just have to let all of the bad things you might have done go! There’s nothing like that one weekend where you somehow gain 5 pounds to make you feel like you shouldn’t be writing a health and fitness blog, but then you realize there are others like you out there who read your posts as motivations to overcome those few bad eating moments with healthy ones!
http://www.runchelsearun.com
Definitely! Honesty is always so much more relatable than trying to project some sort of perfect image. Everyone makes mistakes, and beating ourselves up over them only makes the whole cycle so much more difficult to escape from. Like they say: you can’t compare your behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel.
I love your honesty. I feel the same way a lot. I eat really healthy. However, I do now have cereal, froyo, chocolate etc often too. I know I feel my best when I have a few servings of vegetables a day, but too much and my body is not happy. I’m always hesitant to post my leafy green salad on my IG for fear that someone will think I’m relapsing, or not truly in recovery. I think we’ve both found the balance between eating Cheerios for breakfast, kale salad for lunch, and a cookie later on in the day, but it’s hard to for people to know that without seeing every second of our lives. Some days I eat really ‘clean’ because that’s honestly what I’m craving, and some days are more cereal, yogurt, crackers because that is what I what. Bottom line: it comes down to caring too much about what other people think. I am the worst with that, and it is something I’m constantly challenging. Why do I spend so much of time caring about the opinions of strangers and acquaintances? Great post, Amanda, as always 🙂
I like this post and the balance of foods you share here. I think it’s an interesting question, for sure. Let me just say that I always enjoy the honesty and the balance that you bring to your blog!
i totally understand where you are coming from. and i will say that i felt the same way for a long time (and still do feel that way on occasion). but i finally decided to stop caring what other people thought. i know it’s different because you’re posting these things on the internet, but really think about it…if you know in your heart that you are “healthy” (meaning healthy weight, healthy relationship with food, healthy mind-set) then why let what other people think impact your actions? i find that sometimes i overindulge just to prove a point to people that i’m not “sick” anymore. and that’s just as unhealthy as anything else. listen to yourself, don’t make excuses, and be confident and certain that what you are doing is right for you. that’s what i try to strive for at least. 🙂
Thanks, Jenny 🙂 That’s definitely something I’m striving for myself.
I actually wrote a whole post about feeling guilty for wanting to be fit and healthy. I completely understand where you are coming from. I don’t have an eating disorder anymore and I don’t over exercise. However, I do work hard at my marathon training and I do try and eat as many fruits and veggies as I can. I’m learning every day how to balance my eating and I try to keep it as real as possible on my blog. I love eating salad and I also love gelato. P.S. I had that same pomegranate poptart thing today. 😉
I completely get you on this girl! I think this is part of the reason I’ve stepped back from blogging so much (besides the time thing…i don’t have a ton of that anymore haha). I’m trying to find my balance of healthy v unhealthy, and I want to find my version…not someone else’s. I worry about giving people the wrong idea, though, for similar reasons. Right now, I do have a salad for lunch every day…because that’s what I want after a hot morning at the park haha. I snack on tons of stuff, some processed some not. I love having a burger for lunch or dinner…but i know i feel a lot better physically if i supplement that with lighter snacks or more veggies at one of those meals…i think you’re absolutely correct about the intention behind things being the most important part…and i don’t think either of us should be afraid that we’ll give people the wrong idea about what we do/eat because of our history. You have given me much to think about today, girl, as always!
I do the same thing. it’s why I’m constantly posting pictures of ice cream creations, mac and cheese, milkshakes, cake, pizza, and any processed snack I have when in reality, that’s such a small snapshot of my day. I do eat them more than I did even before I developed the eating disorder, but it’s almost out of control now because the second I try to be “healthy”, I’m afraid people are going to assume I’m still struggling with my ED. And I’m NOT. I truly enjoy grapes more than I enjoy chips, and carrots more than goldfish (sometimes). It shouldn’t be that way though. If we’re truly mentally healthy, then we don’t have to prove anything to anyone. After I read your post wanting to talk about it, I wrote one about a very similar subject for later this week. Yours literally took the words right out of my mouth.
I definitely think there’s some lingering ED remnants there with feeling like we’re constantly being watched and judged. That’s why I’m trying my best to just say “eff it” and do whatever feels right, regardless of what other’s might assume.
I agree with so much of this post. Go out to dinner and order a huge greasy burger and fries, and you’re perfectly “normal”. Go out to dinner and order a salad, and “something’s wrong” with you. There are so many HLBs out there where people are running 6+ miles a day and snacking on paleo friendly foods. It’s nice to be able to come to a blog that, at least to me, seems more realistic of what I consider healthy. Not that those who run long distance and eat paleo aren’t healthy, what I’m saying is I feel more relatable with the healthy image you project- I don’t always eat my veggies either, and I would rather get my heart rate up gardening and doing yoga than HIIT. You’re on the road to recovery, and that itself is the best part about reading your blog.
Thanks, girl 🙂 That’s kind of the beauty of the blog world… it’s so diversified and there’s something out there for everyone to relate to.
“I’m just going to type the words as they come and worry about the coherence factor later. Or never. Here we go…” lol, that is literally what goes through my mind every time i write a post. i’ve come to the decision (my own, may not be right) that always eating in clean is not the epitome of healthy. because in order to do that, it takes a lot more mental effort than one should need when it comes to food. I think making good clean decisions at the grocery store is wise, and cooking at home with those ingredients is wise, but forcing yourself to stick to that regime is not life. its restriction. also: oh man that cake looks good this morning 🙂
I know what you mean Amanda! I have many of these same thoughts! Heck, I consider my blog a “healthy living blog” and yet I still feel weird sometimes about posting certain things thinking people will be negative and think something is ‘too healthy’ ! It’s like you can’t win! And that’s what I’ve come to accept….someone will always have a problem with what you’re doing and how you’re living your life so you kind of just have to ignore the criticism and stay true to who you are…in all areas, healthy and not so healthy. Cause in the end….all these parts make a REAL person…not just the parts you think people should or want to see.
That’s something I’ve learned over the years as well… It’s impossible to please everyone, and if people only accept you for someone you’re pretending to be, then really… what’s the good in that?