Do you trust me yourself?
It seems like a strange question, doesn’t it? I mean… of course you do, why wouldn’t you? You know the inner workings of your mind. You know you don’t have any ulterior motives. You know you have your best interests at heart. But do you trust yourself, really?
Do you believe in your own abilities? Your own strengths? Do you have confidence in your opinions? Your instincts? Life is a collection of consecutive choices – one after the next – do you trust that you will always be okay, even if you don’t have all the answers and make mistakes along the way?
We live in a world where our ability to trust ourselves is constantly being tested. Just take a look at all the “expert” advice that we’re constantly being bombarded with – the underlying message there is that our own knowledge isn’t good enough, that everyone else knows better than us. Fine. That may be true in some cases (I don’t know the first thing about nuclear physics, for example), but when it comes to things we intuitively know? Outside guidance can become a big problem.
Why? Because we begin to question ourselves. We begin to value the advice of “experts” from books, magazines, TV, and the Internet more than we value our own intuition. We stop trusting ourselves. And you don’t even have to look far to find examples of this – it happens all the time in our very own healthy living community.
I first came across healthy living blogs in the early stages of my recovery. I was at a point where my eating habits and beliefs about food had been so messed up for so long, that I really had no idea what or how much to eat, so I turned to outside sources to tell me. I saw girls who ate healthy, exercised daily, and looked great as a result – basically, girls who had the kind of life I wanted – so I began to adopt their habits in hopes of securing the same kind of life for myself.
I started eating foods that I hadn’t eaten before…
I started exercising in ways that I hadn’t before…
I started “doing this” and “doing that” because “look what it did for her!” Unfortunately, what it did for me was not always beneficial. The massive amounts of veggies I ate only made me feel sick and bloated…
The massive amounts of protein I drank did the same…
And the worst part about it was that I was too stubborn to admit it wasn’t working. I mean, there’s nothing inherently wrong with trying out what someone else says works for them – experimenting is how we find what works for us – but there is something wrong with continuing to do it even if it doesn’t serve you well, just because it works for another person. Heck, it might not even work for that person… you never see what goes on behind the scenes or know the whole story.
It would be nice if there was a “one size fits all” diet, but there isn’t. And it would be nice if someone else could tell you how to eat, but they can’t. Really. There’s a massive amount of information out there regarding diet and exercise, yet people are more confused than ever. Why? Because for every “expert” opinion that you come across, there’s another “expert” opinion claiming the exact opposite. Eat carbs. Don’t eat carbs. Eat fat. Don’t eat fat. Eat fruit, don’t eat fruit. And the thing is, they’re all right… for someone. Some people will thrive on a high protein diet, some won’t. Some people will thrive on a low-fat diet, some won’t. We’re all different – it only makes sense that different things are going to work for us.
So with all the choices out there, how do we know what to do? By [literally] going with our gut. By being open to trying new things, but willing to admit when they aren’t working. By remembering that when it comes to our own bodies, we are experts. Yes, we’ll make mistakes and stumble along the way, but at the end of the day, we’ll be just fine – and we need to know that.
Can anyone relate?
i don’t trust myself. why? because it is i who finds herself eating spoon after spoon of any nut butter if it is open in my house. it is i who says she will change her eating patterns but doesn’t. it is i who gets up every morning and does 2 plus hrs of exercising everyday saying i will cut back tomorrow but justifying my excessive workout regime as necessary due to the fact i am not working. it is i whose mind is so engrained with false precepts that i don’t even know where to begin changing. but it is also i who knows that it is within my reach if i just changed. Just Change! why do i fear it so? why do i put more power in food and exercise than in God? it is i, it is i, it is i! I wish it weren’t so. how did you change your eating and exercise habits? did you just stop one day or make small changes over a period of time? i hate my bloated stomach all the time from eating too many raw veggies yet i enjoy vegetables. i am afraid to forgo them for fear i will eat something like a bowl of oatmeal and not be satisfied and go back and eat more. i fill up on raw foods with the intentions of feeling full enough that i will not want anything else yet my body craves more calorie dense foods. yes i should eat more calorie dense foods but when i allow myself such things i go overboard and eat it all–the whole avocado, the entire jar of nut butter, etc. how do i transition safely? or is there no initial safety into this world i desire to exist? i fear i will spiral downward unable to stop. i am scratching my eyes out stressing over this. i say i need help when in truth it is only i who can change it.
having said all this i have only been reading your blog for the past week and SLOWLY see myself trying to move away from the power i have allowed food to have in my life. it is fear that rules my life essentially. i know fear is not of God but…but…but…ugh! if only i could get rid of it and just live.
I understand the frustration, Heather, but be kind to yourself and remember that change is a PROCESS – one that takes time and work. You can’t expect your habits to do a complete 180 overnight… I made small changes, and over a period of time they added up and eventually got me to where I am. You don’t have to do anything drastic to start seeing results… just push yourself a little each day and you’ll eventually get to where you want to be.
I felt the EXACT same way when I first started reading healthy living blogs. I bought whey protein because everyone else was eating/drinking it and then realized how it actually isn’t that great for you and that I just don’t really like it. I think it is great to get ideas from others but to always remember that you have to do what is best for you – not the entire healthy living community. P.S. I see a little of your current schooling coming out in this post and I LOVE IT <3
😆 Can’t deny that I’ve been loving what I’m learning lately. I really need to get to writing that e-mail to see how you’re liking your course…
That’s such a good point! I think a LOT of people in the blog world eat and exercise how they think they “should.” It would be interesting if everyone had one totally completely honest day.
Have you read about the blood type diet? I totally believe in it. Itbasically just says that everyone’s blood type determines what works for their body and so everyone feels their best on totally different diets!
Oh girl, this post speaks to me. I’ve been struggling a lot with food and workouts lately worrying WAY to much about what I’m “supposed to do” based on my comparison to others. This post is making me rethink that attitude, so that you SO much for that!
Even with your hiatus, you came right back & “nailed it!”. That’s one of the reasons I had to take a more relaxed approach to blogging over the past month, I was letting what I was reading get way too far into my own head & it controlled the “shoulds” in my head. I am still learning to listen to MY own wants & needs & reap the benefits. It’s a funny thing that one we start to not care so much about what others think, we can be happier with ourselves. Happy Friday Lady!
Hey Pretty Lady!!:) Just letting you know how much I think of this post because this literally screams what my philosophy is on food, and how we can’t turn to others to find the answers for us. I tried to do this for SO long during recovery too. Meanwhile, I was a mess! I kept searching the net for blogs and answers through other people for the perfect diet to “heal” me. I finally gave up and listened to my body. It doesn’t like foods that may be perfect for some, and it loves other foods that some people think are “toxic” or don’t work well for them. I don’t care anymore what works for someone else, even though I love seeing what others enjoy. I find it amazing how we all eat different things and thrive differently. For instance, I love drooling over your cereal breakfasts, lol, but I know myself well enough to know that I would be a wreck digestive-wise eating them, but then again your nut butter and Greek yogurt indulgences are right up my alley:) Other people love fruit, I personally hate it. I’m a fan of protein smoothies and superfoods, while some people just don’t get it. The point is, we can all eat differently, and thrive the same. This is the beauty of living, nourishing ourselves through food, and not trying to be robotic when it comes to fueling our bodies.
Self trust is listening to all areas of your body, and sometimes we need to listen less of what our heads say, and more of what our bodies tells us. GREAT, GREAT post!!!:) I’m using this on my Fab Finds Friday post as a favorite!!:)
“The point is, we can all eat differently, and thrive the same.” <--- I couldn't have said it better myself! And I love what you said about finding other people's habits interesting, but sticking to what you know works for you - I feel like I'm in that place right now as well. The HLB community is so interesting just because it's full of so much variety, and while I love getting ideas and being inspired by others, at the end of the day it's about knowing what works for you.
Ditto!:) I’m glad you “get it” too!:) I think finding a healthy interest in food is what it’s all about:):)
Love this post times a million!!!! When I first started blogging and reading other blogs, I started changing everything about my eating habits and I was miserable. I have finally found what works for me and I couldn’t be happier 🙂
why is it so much easier to trust others than ourselves? i know this has been said in all the other posts but i think it is speaking to me today. i have been struggling with this all summer- well this works for so & so, this works for so & so…..the hardest part of the journey is learning to trust YOUR gut. thanks for the reminder friend & have a fabulous weekend 🙂
Love this! I think the best thing to do is to figure out what works best for you and stick with it! Different things work for different people and the only way to know what works best for you is listen to your own body!
I love this! So true. We know what works best for us and our bodies will ALWAYS tell us what is working and what isn’t. I have the hardest time with protein powders. Almost all protein powders make me feel bloated and gross and I still have a hard time accepting that I do not NEED protein powders because I’ve gotten along fine without them before I started experimenting with them this past year. I also try and tell people who are looking to be a vegetarian to do a lot of research and experiment with different food choices to see what works for them. What works for me will not always work for others. Great post!
I can very much relate to your protein powder woes… Sometimes I look at the amount that other people eat and wonder how they manage it. Heck, I wonder -if- they actually manage it… But that’s kind of the ironic part, isn’t it? We were just fine until we started meddling…
I really enjoyed this post!
I agree that we are inundated with all this “expert advice” which tends to take our focus away from ourselves and our own knowledge. This often creates a disconnect between our minds and bodies.
I cannot stress enough how true it is that no one diet will work for everyone. This is why I feel it is important to experiment through trial and error to discover what works best for YOU. Our bodies are extremely intelligent and capable of expressing what it needs – we just have to listen up! And the more we do, the more in tune we will be with ourselves, and become our own experts.
This is a great post, Amanda and I concur 100%! Everyone’s diet is so individual and no matter how many experts you talk with, the only way you’ll find the “perfect” diet is by trial and error! Even if a certain food doesn’t agree with you, it still benefits you to some extent i.e. it gives you more insight into what works for YOUR body! Although I’ve been reading HLBs for a while now, my approach to reading them is so much more different- I now take suggestions with a pinch of salt! Just because X blogger is thriving on a low-carb, high-fat diet, that doesn’t mean my body will!
When I first stumbled across blogs, I definitely found this to be an issue. The comparison and modeling trap. You’re absolutely right when you say what you see on paper, articles, or a blog post is not everything. It was not until I was honest with myself when I started realizing I cannot adapt to someone else’s life. I have to create my own. I found a no-fat diet is NOT something for my body. (duh) I found eating carbs is perfectly fine, not to mention delicious. I realize when I was running 6 miles every day it was perfectly fine to be eating chocolate and all things delicious as well as meals. Not one or the other. (duh) And it wasn’t until I took a step back, admitted I had a problem, and stepped out of denial that things started to change for me. <3 you!
<3 carbs... and <3 you right back :)
Trusting yourself is so important whether it’s about big life decisions or even small ones. I usually trust my intuition if something feels right, I go for it.
I was the same way when I started blogging, I saw how much food other bloggers were eating and I thought I needed to up my intake. Well I wasn’t running 10+ miles a day so I didn’t NEED that extra food and it went straight to my ass!! Thank God that didn’t last long and I found my own routine and eating habits and I can confidently say that when it comes to eating and working out, I have found MY own groove.
As for confidence in life and decision making, I do sometimes get meek and let people make decisions when I know they are wrong, or I let people walk on me. Those traits about me are changing though. A LOT about me is changing within the last few months and things are going UP UP UP!
Absolutely, 100% agree with this. Even aside from HLBs, the amount of nutrition and exercise advice out there is overwhelming – we can find ourselves chasing a new trend every week. Something I’ve realized lately is that every time I try a new diet trend or tweaking my diet, I always end up with the same realization – just because someone else’s approach to food and nutrition works for them does not mean that it works for me, and I’ll spend a few weeks making myself suffer unnecessarily because I have trouble admitting that it’s not the ideal plan for my body. My body likes grains and needs a decent amount of carbs, veggies without overdoing it, fruit, a fair amount of protein, and treats whenever I feel so inclined. It makes me and my body happy and fuels me well, so why change it in favour of someone else’s fad?
I agree completely, and part of me does have to thank blogs for “saving me”. When I first started to get in shape, I was obsessive about EVERYTHING – what I ate, what I drank, how much I exercised, etc. But I never seemed to be truly happy. After finding blogs where they just ate and exercised, and they looked great, I knew I had to make a change.
I stopped counting my calories and just would right down the times I ate and what, which helped me to be more mindful about my hunger. I still was a little obsessive about exercise (and still kind of am), but I know now that I don’t have to spend 2 hours at the gym, and know how to get a good workout in with what time I have. And now after starting CrossFit, all I hear is Paleo-talk. And while it would be amazing to transition to that, I think I am at a point where I have to eat for myself and not worry about the opinions around me. Thank you for this post, really.
That’s always the tricky thing, eh? Being able to take a step back and realize that you’re not happy with what you’re doing. I think a lot of the time we try to convince ourselves that we -are- happy because we feel like we should be (since others doing the same thing seem to be), when in reality it isn’t doing us any good at all.
It is tricky. And it is also a relief to know that I am doing it for myself now, instead of trying to conform. I like living my own reality instead of what others think it should be.
I can completely and 100% relate! I often find myself second guessing what I’m about to say and thinking if it really does make sense or if it would matter if I raised my opinion. And I agree with you, I think HLB (myself included) often try to put forth a persona of eating that falls within the “standards” of HL blogging. To be honest, I also get uncomfortable when I eat too many veggies and I don’t participate in the protein obsession that is circulating the healthy living community. Americans already eat WAY too much protein than our bodies can actually use (our bodies can’t store excess, so it just goes to waste). So no, I don’t eat salads for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and rarely use protein powders or eat protein bars.
Love how eloquently you put this post into words! You’re AMAZINGGG!! <3
Thank you for this. I have been in recovery from ED for over 4 years, and I still struggle so much with trusting myself, especially when it comes to eating and exercise. I like being told what to do or following someone else because it’s “safe”. Deep down, though, I so badly want to trust myself, and believe that my opinion,feelings, desires, and dislikes are valid and acceptable. Recently I’ve been very frustrated with intuitive eating. I’ve been following a meal plan for so long and eating intuitively seems impossible. It all boils down to trusting myself. Thank you for your encouragement!
I can definitely relate- I like to think of myself as (mostly) a nutrition expert, since I do have a degree in dietetics and am going on to a dietetic internship in a week. But even with all my knowledge about food and health, I still don’t trust myself enough around a bowl of crackers and hummus to not eat the whole thing and get a stomach ache.
You’re very right that there is no one diet fits all. I think when it comes to diet, moderation is the most important word to try and apply. Crackers and hummus can be a very healthy snack, until you 0ver-eat it and have to roll yourself home.
I can totally relate to this. I am always second-guessing myself. I think that what I am doing feels good, and then I see stuff all over the blog world that says I need to do it differently. Workout for 2 hrs a day?? How about 20-60 minutes? Sometimes I think I should be exercising more or eating more kale, but then I remember that everyone is different and I would be exhausted and miserable if I had to squeeze in a 2 hour workout on top of my 10 hour work day. No thank you!
Yes. Yes, I can haha. And it feels good to finally be able to say that I’m working on figuring out what works for me, regardless of what the heathy living world says. And you were a huge inspiration in my trying to do things differently. It honestly never occurred to me that different diets work for different people. I thought watching carbs while upping veggies and protein while exercising almost every day was the way to go….and then i read a few of your stories earlier in the year and they stopped me in my tracks. They made me think about my own life and really encouraged me to try changing things around with both diet and exercise. Still working on the diet part (much closer with that though than in a long time…and it involves a ton of carbs and way less veggies…go figure 😉 ) but exercise has become much more enjoyable. Thank you girl…probably would have taken me a whole lot longer to figure it out on my own <3
I may or may not be gushing right now <3 I've definitely noticed how much happier and more relaxed you are with your eating and exercise habits, and I couldn't be happier for you 🙂
This is certainly interesting and a great topic. We all have a tendency to compare ourselves to others whether it’s blogging or real life. It is hard not too! I try and associate myself with people who inspire me in some way so I tend to want to do things they are doing. You are correct though, not everything or even half of what people do that work for them would probably work for me and that’s for everyone really!
I always knew we thought alike but today especially. It is all about what works for you, which I say to everyone all of the time, including on my blog. And oh boy, the vegetable thing. Yeah. I tend to eat large amounts some times and wow does it affect my stomach and make me bloated. I trust my instincts yet also get advice and inspiration from others – and then apply to my life. I don’t dig smoothies or protein powders but in general, I am open to suggestion and seeing what works for me.
I couldn’t say it better, trust your gut. I think there is a time where I was so clouded and couldn’t find that true gut feeling but there is a way to do it and do it correctly for you.
Oh my gosh, I just want to give you a big fat hug for writing this. It is so beautiful and true and makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. I get furious every single time I stumble over an article or post about “the perfect diet”, “the way to live”, “the way to eat” and claiming that this is exactly what will make you healthy, slim you down, make you happy. And I am so full of respect and love for all the bloggers out there who are open and honest and tell you that what works for them will possibly not work for everyone and is just something they developed due to their own experience. I hope that there will be dietitians in the future who tell their clients exactly that and help them to find an individual approach.
EXACTLY. this is what i was griping about the other day.
You see, I’ve been struggling with this for six years now. I was anorexic and then now im close to over weight on the bmi chart. I cant figure out what works for me and im so sick and tired of it. ive tried everything basically and im currently trying to throw out calories (of course, knowing the ballpark amount though) and do intuitive eating and exercise. im just hoping that even though the road may be slow now, I get to a place where it all kind of clicks. its so hard and im tired of asking people how they manage to stay so skinny.
Good luck in your journey, Jae! I can tell you that easing up on the counting and control helped my body naturally settle at it’s happy place. It takes some time and trial and error, but it’s definitely possible to learn to trust yourself again.
Amanda, I was wondering, did it take a long time? and i dont know if im jinxing this or not, but i feel more freed than I’ve ever been in this six year journey. when i binge or i think i eat too much, i feel like the next meal and the next day are just around the corner for me to do better and to trust my body. even though people around me are bashing my body (i swear, i dont look obese or anything… and people dont classify me as fat– i have a pretty healthy body image right now, i would just like to have more peace with my body and have it settle, naturally at its natural weight) i know it takes time.
thanks for being such a breath of fresh air. i always look forward to your blog posts!
It did take a while, and I’m probably still not done! Health is a continuous process – we’re always constantly working on it, and it’s full of ups and downs. I know it’s easy to get discouraged during those downs, but remember that kindness towards yourself is a HUGE part of the whole process… Don’t punish yourself if you mess up – no one is perfect.
This is such an awesome post! I’ve definitely have encountered times where I’ve experienced self-trust issues. Sometimes those self-trust issues related to food and sometimes they related to just everyday decisions in life. Growing up, my parents’ always taught me and my brother to trust our gut, so that is how I’ve based a lot of my decisions in my life. My gut has yet to steer me wrong. The problem occurs when I do the opposite of what my gut tells me…that’s when I find trouble.
Great post, Amanda! Incredibly well said. We all need to find our own way. Getting inspiration is great, as long as we don’t put too much credence in any one method or guru! And, as you said, as long as we learn to trust ourselves, listen to our bodies (and instincts), and take what works, ditch what doesn’t.
I swear I feel like I wrote this post. I can relate to you SO MUCH. I started reading “healthy” living blogs during my low times of anorexia, and developed into a protein powder-veggie-chia seed-clean eating-machine. Not to mention I became obessed with training ball-to-the-walls. That lasted a couple years, and my mental health and physical health has suffered. Fast forward to a month ago, I started seeing a nutritionist who deals with “people like me”. She put together a vague meal plan to help get my health (mental & physical) back. I freaaaaaked out, she cut my protein intake way down (it was way too high), and my veggie intake, having me eat cereal, 2% REAL milk, butter & cheese, lots of whole grainy carb goodness, and she has me have a smal dessert…EVERY night. She halfway joked she is un-cleaning my diet, but obviously still having me fuel my body with healthy foods. I feel freaking AWESOME! My brain fog is cleared, my chronic bloat is fanished (I have a naturally flat tummy, and it’s back!), I no longer need mid-afternoon naps, no weight gain (I thought I would blow-up), and my mental state is crazzzy improved. I feel normal again, and I love it. I stil lift weights 3-4x/wk and go on hikes with my dogs, but that is because it is a hobby for me–not something I have to do, I WANT to do it and love it.
Ok well there’s my semi-novel, but I just had to share because I love your post and relate sooooo much! I wish all girls would realize many behaviors in some HLBs are not for everyone, actually not for most people. I am not bashing anyone or blaming, BTW 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Dolce! So many people underestimate how much energy our body needs in order to function at it’s peak level, so it’s always great to hear examples of someone doing it “right” and reaping the benefits.
You always are spot on with your thought provoking posts. Like legitimately spot on. I definitely can relate to this in terms of exercise- specifically, running. I’ll say “well if she got faster running 70 mile weeks, I should too” all while ignoring the fact that the minute I hit 50+ I get injured and fatigued. I think it’s tough not to be influenced by outside sources. I’ve never been someone to jump on the diet fads- I was brought up following a pretty balanced diet and I’ve never strayed far from that (besides cutting way back). I’m glad I never did though because its hard enough to trust our instincts without listening to other people throwing 18 opinions at you. Great post, as always!
Definitely a thought-provoking topic. I try to trust myself more and more each day, and become less of my own worst enemy.
I can completely relate! I searched for 10 years following what others did and what worked for them. I just wrote a post actually today about how I’m just done with it all. I need to do what’s physically and mentally healthy for me. Food and exercise should be something we enjoy. We need to enjoy them but not focus every single minute on them. We need to focus on everything else life has to offer too and enjoy every aspect of it.
I will no longer scarf down black bean brownies because they are “healthy.”
I love to cook and I love food.
I love to run and I love pushing myself.
But there are also other things in life I love even more.
“Food and exercise should be something we enjoy. We need to enjoy them but not focus every single minute on them. We need to focus on everything else life has to offer too and enjoy every aspect of it.” <-- Couldn't have said it better myself 🙂
Woah… like woah… that’s deep for a Friday, but I still like it and 100% agree! Great post luv!!!
😆 You’re right… maybe I should start saving these for the beginning of the week instead 😉
Well said, friend. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, especially following a conversation I was having with one of Court’s cousins the other night. They’ve really spiralled down the “healthy living” rabbit hole, and I’m trying to help them understand that there comes a point where you have to STOP hanging onto every word/suggestion that their ‘guru’ says because it clearly isn’t serving them.
I get it, though. We all love the idea of there being ‘that one thing’ or ‘the answer’ to health, diet & exercise, but it’s a false reality.
I love this post. When I was recovering from/had anorexia I looked at health blogs and started eating like the bloggers. I was still severely ill and underweight. Only now do I see how a lot of the ‘healthy’ blogs actually suffer from eating disorders themselves, not realising how they are helping to perpetuate eating disorders through their blogs.
As always I love your blog for it’s matter of fact honesty! You rock!
ohh i LOVE today’s topic! it seems simple in theory to trust oneself, but its definitively something i struggled with throughout my early 20s. in terms of what to eat, what career to choose, where to live, etc- i suddenly didnt trust my instincts at all like i did in my teens and listened to other people and it all got sort of, well, messy. trusting yourself to make the right decisions for you is one of the best skills anyone can learn, in my opinion.
True story. And not only that, but trusting that, even if you make the wrong decisions, you’re still strong enough to handle whatever comes with that.
Amen!! Totally love this. I am still having self-doubts A LOT but comparing to a year ago or so it got so much better – because I stopped comparing and looking for solutions out there, but trying my own stuff and making my own experiments with food and exercise. I always had some coaching as a support, but slowly I am finding my way through all the theories and advices out there to my very own philosophy. We are all different and need to find what works for US! Happy Weekend Sweetie!
I totally agree! And you know what’s funny, things that used to work a few years ago don’t agree with me anymore. I think it’s a constantly changing process and the most important thing is to (like you said) be willing to try and embrace new things 🙂 Great post!
This is a great post Amanda. I have to admit, I do struggle with trusting myself a lot of the time.
I’m pretty sure we’ve talked about this quite a lot lately haha. Especially when it comes to choosing a career. It’s just something I’ve struggled with, especially since I tend to always hear other peoples choices in the back of my mind – telling me what I’m doing is a bad idea.
I totally can relate to doing stuff because other people were doing it and thinking “well it worked for her” obviously it has to work for me as well. I think I’m finally coming to a point where I realize I can’t make myself happy by doing what works for other people, because that’s not how life works. We all love different things and require different things to be happy.
Happy Friday love!
You’ll get there, love. It’s something I really struggled with as well, but I think I just finally got frustrated enough doing things that I knew weren’t working for me to just adopt a “f*ck it” attitude. That and I took comfort in the idea that, no matter how much you try to plan things, ultimately there’s so much beyond your control… so why worry.