Today was the kind of day where another one of these was in order…
Why? A few reasons. The first of which was comfort after the less than pleasant events of last night…
We had a power outage. I had just snuggled into bed for the night and read two pages into my book, when I suddenly found myself surrounded by pitch black darkness. Thank goodness that it’s been ages since I’ve watched a horror movie of any kind, or I might have started to think that a psychopath wearing a hockey mask had cut the power to make me easy prey. Gulp. As it stands, the worst thing that happened was me banging my big toe on the corner of a wall while I tried to use the light from my iPhone display to find a lighter. Painful, yes, but not as bad as being hacked into pieces.
The second reason that today was an ice cream kind of day was because of the insanely hot weather that hit us this afternoon…
Yes, I’m well aware of the fact that many of you have been dealing with weeks of temperatures in the triple digits, but I’m Canadian and, up here, we’re better at dealing with 6 month winters and sub-Arctic temperatures than we are at dealing with heat. Today was just rough; and I think Kaiah agrees…
And the third, and most important, reason that ice cream was on the today’s menu was because… well… I just wanted some; and what other reason do I need?
I used to feel like I had to justify my food choices, or the very fact that I was eating at all, with something – some string of logic that would make it “okay” to eat, because actually enjoying food was out of the question. No, there had to be another reason…
This food is beneficial for my body.
X and Y have to be used up before they go bad.
I feel like I might pass out from hunger.
I just had a hard workout, I guess I’m allowed to eat now.
Nevermind the fact that I needed to eat in order to live, and nevermind the fact that sometimes there’s nothing wrong with just wanting to eat for the sheer pleasure of eating, I always needed something extra to give food the green light to pass my lips – I had to either earn it, or it had to be beneficial in some way.
This, as you can probably imagine, meant that all of my meal choices had to be “smart”; which left little room for enjoyment. Don’t get me wrong. I love eating healthy, and crave those kind of foods 80% of the time, but there’s still that remaining 20% where I want something that doesn’t make sense from a nutritional point of view. Something that’s only purpose is to please…
… and I’m happy to say that I’m getting better at allowing myself to have those things. I’m getting better at feeling like I deserve those things, just because. No other reason necessary.
I’ve finally given myself permission to eat and enjoy.
This isn’t something that happened overnight. Oh no. It’s something that I’ve been working on for a long, long time. One thing that helped me in this process was to picture myself as a young child…
Would I ever tell that girl that she didn’t deserve a piece of cake? Or that she could only have a slice if she worked it off on the treadmill later? No, I wouldn’t; not in a million years.
Yet that’s exactly what I ended up doing.
Remember going grocery shopping with your mom when you were little, and asking her for that pack of cookies or that box of sugary cereal? Remember the disappointment that you felt when she said no? That’s the kind of disappointment that I subjected myself to for years. But remember the happiness that you felt on the rare occasion that your mom said yes? Your excitement on the drive home when you knew that you’d soon be eating a big bowl of Lucky Charms? That’s the kind of happiness that I’m finally letting myself experience again, just because I deserve it. Everyone does.
And believe me, it feels and tastes damn good…
. – . – . – .
No questions today, just a request to share your thoughts or experiences 🙂
Permission to eat. AMEN! That is something I have struggled with in my life after my orthrexia, but I have been working on it. Now I can actually eat real ice cream and be ok with it, eat a regular cookie, eat a slice of cake. Permission to eat — that really relates to me.
This is a gorgeous post!! Lovely.
Reading this makes me realize something that I haven’t ever really thought of. I realy do think this way, and it isn’t any way to live. Why should we have to justify eating, for pleasure, to use it up, because our bodies need it? There really isn’t a single reason why! We have the right to eat, and eat what we want, simply because we are. There is nothing we can do or not do to take away from that. Thank you so so much for reminding me of this, I really needed to hear it <3
Scott
The photo of you as a kid is so adorable! I think I have a similar one 😀 Oh yeah, I remember how excited I got when my mum would let me have ice cream (especially in a cone!) and those small baggies of chips. Sometimes I wish I was still as carefree as I was back then. Things would be much simpler haha. I was definitely the same way with “working treats off” and such. Blah! I’m still working on getting fully comfortable with having something just because I want to, but I can say I’m much better at it :]
^ haha nice response! I’m a new blogger in bloggyland and your blog seems to be a groovy place 😉 Children are really such a good example of how to eat! They don’t feel guilty, don’t over analyse and look forward to treats. Enjoy all the ice cream you can get girl, it won’t be August for much longer -boooo!
Hey sugars bad for you, mmkay?
😆 I think someone could use a little more sweetness in their life.
You are so right. I always think it’s such a shame that we have to lose that care free attitude we have as children. If we could approach food in the same way we did when we were little, it would all seem so much simpler. Eat what you fancy, no guilt involved.
I’m all for healthy eating but I’m also all for eating for enjoyment. Most of the time I think it goes hand in hand – nutritious food is tasty and enjoyable to eat. Sometimes it’s doesn’t and that’s okay. It’s more than okay to enjoy ice-cream, cake … whatever. Life is too short to not indulge in the things you love.
This post brought a tear to my eye, but it was a happy tear, accompanied by a huge smile. 😀 Every thought and experience you’ve shared here resonates with me 100%. <3
A large part of health is determined by happiness, and as we both know, denying ourselves glorious treats like ice cream (my absolute favorite), means saying no to joy in our lives. It's proven that people who are happy live healthier, more vibrant lives! Health is NOT solely about eating nutrient-dense foods at every snack and meal. And more importantly, it's not about obsessing about them. It's about finding a rhythm that makes you feel your best. And for me, that rhythm includes enjoying ice cream on a daily basis.
Amanda, your posts always inspire me to be my best. Thank you for that. I can't wait to meet you at HLS next year!! And possibly before that? Who knows, maybe a trip to Canada is in my future. I've always wanted to visit! Love you, girl! xoxo
I remember those days of being a kid-I wanted sherbert, BBQ chips and for my mom to buy ingredients to make lemon supreme cake and blueberry muffins. It’s important to eat healthy, but you have to mentally treat yourself too. There’s no such thing as a bad food, some are just healthier than others and you need a wide variety. If you crave something, go for it!
Great post!
You are such a little cutie 🙂
Im cravin some icecream now! Despite the rainy, cold weather outside.
I love this- as usual! Im all for eating healthy! BUT eating healthy is eating what our bodys craves! So if that is ice cream- then that is healthy!!
You were such a cute kid 😀 I really like to think of myself as a child, and try to talk to myself as I would to a little girl!
what a beautiful, thoughtful, and inspiring post. thank you for sharing that with all of us. food has created complicated relationships in many of us, and overcoming those seemingly simple issues is difficult. coming out on the other side, though? exhilarating.
-Sara-
I look forward to the day when I’ll be able to eat an icecream cone without feeling like I need to justify it somehow. You are a fantastic inspiration. Thanks for always being so honest and real
Aww you were such a cute kiddo. 🙂
I used to feel like if I ate dessert or something high in calories etc, that i had to work it off later. I didn’t listen to what i craved or anything! which in reality, is unhealthy. ice cream can be healthier than other things for your body if it’s craving it. if that makes sense.
What a brilliant idea to picture yourself as a child — Imma hafta try!
I eat ice cream all the time as a mid afternoon snack. It hold me over despite its lack of “protein” and high amount of sugar!~ Hasnt killed me yet..usually just puts a smile on my face =)
It leaves me smiling every time too, and satisfied 😉 I’m thinking it’s definitely going to become an everyday thing, which might be a problem in the winter when I have enough trouble staying warm…
I used to try and justify my food and whether I needed it or not. But now I try and give into my cravings more and I think it’s important to listen to your body and give it what it needs.
I originally read the title of this post as PERSIMMON to eat and enjoy. I havent eaten one in 2 days, I must have them on the mind.
The way you worded all of this is great, what a powerful thing to look back at yourself as a child and ask yourself those questions. I imagined myself doing it and I felt a bit sad ya know.
So proud that you have got to the point that you feel you can reward yourself, hopefully Ill get to that stage soon.
Youre such an inspiration girl. <3 everytime I read a post by you I get more motivation to do well.
Dang that photo of you is adorable!!!
something about the way you said “Would I ever tell that girl that she didn’t deserve a piece of cake? Or that she could only have a slice if she worked it off on the treadmill later?” really resonated with me.
I’ve never thought of it like that.
And now that i look back on my daily life, i realize i sort of subconsciously choose certain foods/snacks over the ones i really want. Just so i don’t have to feel “guilty” over eating them. When really, why should I.
This has made me doing lots o’thinkn.