It’s time to be honest.
Not that I normally sit here and lie to you guys, but blogging is a selective truth-telling, isn’t it? Bloggers choose what to share and what to remain mum about, thereby creating the type of life they want to project to their audience – it’s not exactly a lie, but neither is it 100% accurate. No big deal, right? Ehhh… Not exactly.
It can be a big deal when a blogger tries to pass off a disordered lifestyle as a healthy one. Overexercising. Undereating. Cutting out entire food groups/macros. We’ve all seen it. And no, before you jump to any conclusions, I haven’t been running in secret or cutting out carbs – I’m still very much enjoying my walks and cupcakes…
…but what I’ve been choosing to remain silent about is the guilt that sometimes accompanies those cupcakes. I know I may come across as being completely carefree and relaxed when it comes to food, and while that’s true in most cases, there are still times where I get hit with some serious food-related guilt…
It’s not an easy thing to admit, especially when people are constantly telling you how much of an inspiration you are, but I don’t want to paint an inaccurate picture of myself, and I definitely don’t want anyone to feel bad about any struggles they may be experiencing themselves because they look at me and think that’s the way recovery should be.
I’m not perfect, I have bad days too. Heck, the reason that today’s post came up so late is because I spent the majority of the morning in a rotten mood and the gray cloud that was floating over my head made it hard to come up with anything good to say. It happens – that’s life. I choose not to talk about those things too much because I would rather focus on more positive ones, but that doesn’t mean that everything around here is sunshine and rainbows all the time. It’s definitely not.
Going back to food guilt… Yes, there are still occasions where I feel guilty after eating something indulgent, and no, I don’t take that as a sign that I’m still sick. Honestly, I think everyone experiences food-related guilt to a certain degree, regardless of whether they’ve suffered from an eating disorder or not – the difference is in how they deal with it. Avoidance. Compensation. Distraction. Self-harm. The coping strategies are endless. But my personal favorite? Acknowledging and letting go.
Yes it’s there; this far into recovery and it’s still there. But I’m not going to beat myself up for it or see it as a life sentence because this far into recovery and it’s there to a much lesser degree than it was before. This far into recovery and it doesn’t cause me to avoid the foods I want to eat. This far into recovery and it’ll only keep getting better from here. It may not be gone but it’s far less potent than it used to be, and I’d rather focus on that than the fact that it’s still something that I have to deal with.
So there you have it, the honest-to-God truth. I apologize for not bringing up this kind of thing more often, and for potentially portraying an image of myself that isn’t entirely accurate, but the main reason I don’t is because thoughts like that are more of an itch in the back of my mind than anything else, and they never translate to any sort of action. Still, I’m constantly torn between the side of me that wants to blog about those thoughts and the side that feels like they don’t deserve any attention… Any advice on what to do?
. – . – . – .
Do you ever experience food-related guilt? How do you deal with it?
Which do you prefer? Honesty or positivity in blogging?
Your honesty is really inspiring. And the reminder that sometimes, something that looks like a ‘healthy living blog’ or a ‘fitness blog’, can be someone disguising their ED and promoting it as some kind of ideal. Yours is one of the farthest from this that I know of. But even so, it’s good to be reminded that we’re all human and it’s not always beds of roses. Thank you xx
Thank you so much for being so honest with us. I think many very health-conscious people experience some sort of food-related guilt. I’m certainly no exception to this and I struggle with food-related guilt too, especially around the holidays. It’s more common than most of us like to portray, and ultimately it’s about how you deal with it. You are absolutely dead-on with your description on how to move on: accept the fact that whatever happened, happened and simply let go. Moving on is tough sometimes but the most important part is forgiving yourself! Guilt is a natural human feeling that could arise from anything, but the key is to avoid dwelling on it for longer than…oh a few minutes!
Honesty is always better than some overly sweet version of reality with pink icing on top. selective sharing is quite common but rarely leads to something constructive. People either think you’re too good which automatically makes them losers because they can’t recover fast enough or they think you’re lying. Be who you really are. That’s how we love you 🙂
Yes, I still often feel guilty for satisfying all my cravings. Then again, I also feel guilty when I don’t. When I unintentionally lose some wight and do anything to stop it, it feels… you know, weird. I’d rather take the guilt after easting a cupcake because at least I enjoyed it 🙂
Amanda, you inspired me with your quotes, I bookmarked them both for reminders to myself. I think selective sharing is something we all have to deal with in the age of social media, it’s not just a problem for bloggers. It’s a fine balance. I don’t want my friends to feel that I complain too much, but then again, you don’t want to paint an unreal picture– it can discourage friends to not see anyone sharing their struggles.
Great and honest post, Amanda. Thanks for being so transparent– It’s nice to know that you’re only human 🙂
I can really relate to this…especially this past holiday. I was feeling EXTREME guilt over some of the stuff I was eating/drinking. So much to the point I was at a party with my friends and not even having fun because I was anxiety ridden over all the stuff I had just eaten. It was then that I started thinking about when trying to eat healthy crosses over into an unhealthy addiction/ED. If it was to the point where I couldn’t even have fun with my friends anymore…it must be a problem. But I had no one to really relate to/talk to about this. My fiance thinks I’m crazy but he just doesn’t understand. I’m glad you were honest enough to put this up; and it helps so many people know that they are not alone!
Oh, this is awesome. It’s so awesome because I think sooo many bloggers can relate to this, non-bloggers too! Facebook, Twitter, Instagram.. they’re all things people use to make their life look how they want it to be (whether they mean to or not). Honesty is so raw and that’s what makes it great too. I think this is awesome, and in my opinion, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to accept things as they are and be kind to yourself whether you feel proud of your eating habits or not, and whether your being “honest” on your blog or not.
Have a fabulous Wednesday! Glad I came across your blog for this post!
Just realized I was little excessive on the word awesome… I really liked your post I guess! 😉
But excessive use of the word awesome is pretty awesome 😉
You’re absolutely right, blogging can be filled with such selective truth. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that you’re ever being insincere, but it is nice to hear that you too have thoughts (aka food guilt) like me. It makes you even more of an inspiration to me. 🙂
Oh I feel it alright. Everytime I publish a post about a fun meal out and I don’t acknowledge in the post that I felt guilty after the meal/skipped a snack leading up to it, I feel like a liar. I try to be honest and bring up my guilt and my ED in some posts, but at the same time I don’t WANT to bring it up and talk about it in all of them. Sometimes it makes me feel better and more able to let go if I write a blog post as if I truly have let go of an “indulgence” or “treat”. I tell myself, well it’s not a big deal in reality that I ate a dessert, so why do I have to write about it? And then I don’t. But sometimes I need to get it out and like you said, I don’t want people to think I’m TRYING to put up a front. But there I go again considering what other people think! That’s one of my main troubles. I don’t know if this rambling makes sense but I just want to let you know that you are not alone in all of this. Guilt over not sharing my guilt, yeesh!
I commend you for bringing this up because it seems it was weighing heavy in your mind. I completely agree that EVERYONE experiences food related guilt no matter who they are or what they have been through. My biggest struggle is when I go a few days without a solid workout, but I still eat as if I have run a half marathon. I know I still need to eat, but mentally I struggle. I don’t talk about this stuff on my blog because 90% of the time I am fine, and I don’t think my mental battles always need to be divulged to the world. I don’t think this makes me “fake” when it comes to blogging. I am not ashamed of the thoughts, I just don’t find them pertinent to most of my posts.
I think if there is a specific instance that happened that is bothering you and you want to talk about, then you should. If you take a picture of a cupcake and say how amazing it was and you enjoyed every second of eating it, when in reality it stressed you the EFF out..that’s where it gets sticky. I wouldn’t blog about something that affected me too much mentally. I stick to blogging about the positive stuff, and if that makes me fake then so be it! This is more of a random rant that helpful advice, but my point is that I don’t think you are doing anything wrong when you say you enjoyed a cupcake as long as you really did!! The world doesn’t need to know every detail of your life. Would you go out to eat with a friend and tell them every single thought you had about your lunch intake? Or would you talk to your parents about the time you made cookies and couldn’t stop thinking about how much weight you would gain from one cookie?? If you would do these things..than maybe it’s better for you to talk about this stuff on the blog, if not..keep bloggin the way you do!! We don’t tell every person every aspect of our minds and I think that’s totally ok!! Do what makes you happy!! OK END RANT!! <3333
Very good point(s). I never mention every.single.thought I have to friends/family, but at the same time I feel it’s important to be sincere because it helps people relate. Like I said, the most important thing to me was not to be a cause for other people to be beating themselves up for having some struggles in their own recovery. I just wanted them to know that I go through it as well.
True true, I think I lost sight of your main reason for wanting to share this stuff, and I do completely support you on that! I just didn’t want you to beat yourself up about it! I hope my comment didn’t come off as mean. I am behind you 100%!
<3
I think its so important for bloggers to be honest. I think there is a line for the sake of some things that need to be private – but definitely the projection of a ‘perfect life’ is really dodgy in my opinion. I also like to focus on the positive but definitely include the bad stuff cause that’s life and that’s what I blog about 🙂 I think everyone experiences food guilt to some extent, especially women, I wish it wasn’t the case but unfortunately it seems to be a product of our society 🙁
Hello! I have definitely suffered (and am still suffering) from ‘food guilt’, mostly when I eat too much of one thing. At the time it seems SOOO good and I can’t get enough of it. My mind takes on the thought that “I HAVE TO EAT IT ALL RIGHT NOW”, when, instead, I could have a small portion now and then have some more later on or tomorrow. That’s what I’m working on controlling right now. Convincing myself that IT’S GOING TO BE THERE LATER.
I prefer honesty AND positivity on a blog. The honesty of a blogger is what makes a blog special. 🙂
Hm, I think you know my take on this after my post on Monday… I totally think that you should have the freedom to share whatever is on your mind and in your heart, as long as YOU want to share it. Not because you feel like you have to, but because you want to… I think honesty and positivity can go hand-in-hand. If you’re being honest and truthful, that’s a positive thing! And I don’t think that there is any, zip, zero, nada, shame in the feelings that you’re experiencing and think what you said about handling those feelings is spot-on! You’ve got a great head on your shoulders, a heart full of passion, and a mindset of freedom. XO
Thank you for this post, Amanda. Food guilt= you were able to eat the food= you have come SO far. I’m just starting to explore enjoying cookies and other ‘scary’ or ‘forbidden’ foods. I certainly do not think any less of you- if anything I find your honesty even more inspiring! I love how you deal with your food guilt too- you don’t try to ‘burn it off’ or partake in some other unhealthy behaviour- you sit with yourself and nurture YOU. Thank you!
I’ve tried those other methods in the past, and while they make provide relief in the short term, they definitely don’t help in the long term… if anything, they just make things worse.
I totally agree, acknowledging the lingering thought and thinking “well at least I won’t let that thought spiral out of control” is the best way to deal with it, I do the same thing! When I decided on two desserts last night…I almost felt a little guilty, but then I quickly focused to the thought that a) I don’t do this a lot so it’s no big deal and b) what’s the worst that would honestly happen? And most importantly, I don’t fall into the mind trap of oh well, I ate bad, to hell with it now I’ll reallyyyy eat bad. That’s where I got into trouble in the past, and I’m so happy to have that behind me. Great post Amanda!
Applause for your honesty girl! I’ve had it some too, the guilt, & typically try to snap out of it by telling myself how ridiculous I am being!
Can I just give you a bigggg hug and a round of applause? I just wish that more people could be not just honest on their blog, I don’t think they have to tell the whole truth all of the time because it is good to focus on the positives, but honest with themselves. It’s OKAY to realise that everything isn’t all sunshine and rainbows because we all feel guilt about SOMETHING in life at some point. I’d say for women it is particularly to do with food, having had an eating disorder or not, we just tend to care more about our appearance to a point and of course what we eat has an effect on that and with so many foods labelled as ‘bad’ ‘unhealthy’ ‘indulgent’ etc it is practically brainwashed into our heads what we should feel guilty about!
I truly admire your honesty like everyone else here but particularly because you have done something that I should have said myself really. Whilst I had cupcakes on my birthday too, and heck of course I let myself have some because it’s my frickin birthday! But I didn’t mention that yeah, whilst I was pretty open to letting myself go, there was guilt there. And at the end of the day I did feel like I’d had too much and that the day after I would definitely have to get back to healthy…but like you, I’d say I’m pretty much recovered and I don’t listen to EDs thoughts but I really do believe that thinking that is actually okay and normal because if we did eat like that all of the time then there would be an issue that was worth worrying about! I think we both know that we’re healthy because we CAN allow ourselves treats but also realise that just the occasional day of indulging is NOT the end of the world, okay lovie? 🙂