Happy Monday, friends!
Today is a special day — it’s the first second day of National Eating Disorders Awareness week…
If you’re not familiar with NEDA, they’re a nonprofit organization that supports individuals and families affected by eating disorders. They campaign for prevention, improved access to treatment, and increased research funding to better understand and treat eating disorders. They’re basically an invaluable source of information and support for those whose lives have been touched by an ED.
NEDA week is an annual campaign that aims at increasing the awareness of eating disorders and body image issues — a crucial undertaking given our current culture. We live in a society of diets and gyms, where under-eating and over-exercising seem to have become the norm. This results in many undiagnosed and silent sufferers who may not even realize that something might be wrong with their “healthy” habits…
I had no idea … that you can be too thin … that over-exercising can lead to an eating disorder … that 35% of “normal” dieters progress to pathological dieting …that an eating disorder can kill you or lead to permanent physical damage … that [I, my daughter, son, sister, brother, friend] had a problem.
If you’ve read my story, you know that I lost a good handful of years to anorexia, and one of the scariest aspects of it was how it took hold of me without me even realizing… It all started with a innocent desire to get healthier by cleaning up my diet and getting more exercise, and it quickly escalated into a serious psychiatric disease that almost claimed my life… and one that I would spend years battling to free myself from.
I don’t spend a lot of time talking about my eating disorder or recovery here on Spoons, and it’s not because I don’t want to or because it’s too painful, but because it honestly feels like a past life… one that’s often difficult to recall and put into words. I find it easier to simply live recovery than I do to write about it, but I do realize the importance of raising awareness. Heck, I probably would have never realized I had a problem had I not randomly stumbled across a recovery blog and read thoughts and struggles that so closely resembled my own…
It’s heartbreaking to think that so many of the signs associated with an eating disorder are considered normal these days. That our culture is so obsessed with numbers and aesthetics that people are literally killing themselves to fit an ideal that’s largely unattainable because it isn’t real… at least not without a team of professional trainers, chefs, makeup artists, stylists, photographers, lighting, AND computers. I mean… photoshopping a woman who’s already absolutely gorgeous?!? Come on now…
[source]
That being said, I’m going to use NEDA week as an opportunity to talk about some of my own experiences with body image issues, anorexia, and recovery by tying these topics in to each of my posts this week, and I’d love it if you joined me by sharing your own thoughts or experiences on any of these issues in this week’s Thinking Out Loud linkup. I know those posts are usually meant to be random and lighthearted, and you’re more than welcome to leave them that way, but I also know that most people have experienced their fair share of struggles with body image at the very least, and I wanted to try and get a little more discussion and awareness raised because stats like these just shouldn’t exist…
No questions today — just your thoughts.
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You are awesome and continue to inspire others. I always enjoy reading your open and honest posts and thank you fir acknowledging this week.
Thanks for sharing this and your story! It’s so tragic how many women and girls suffer from eating disorders. I had a good friend in high school who spent every summer at a recovery center on the other side of the country. Her anorexia stole her teenage years and almost her life. It’s so important to raise awareness to these issues, both so we can try and help those we love, but also so that we can recognize unhealthy thoughts when they creep into our own thoughts.
You have been and continue to be an inspiration to many that are struggling, Amanda. I’m sure of it.
My eating disorder was 21 years ago….and, like you said, it does feel like a past life. Every time I see a friend obsess about exercise, try another restrictive diet, etc. I feel sad for them and also very, very freed. In a way my disorder, since it was short-lived, set me up for a life of freedom from all of that because I live determined to never go down that path again. Even though many of my friends and acquaintances might not have a true disorder, they live bouncing from diet to diet and restriction to restriction. Who wants to live that way?
This resonates pretty hard to me. I can’t tell you how many times I have just cried over food. I have disordered eating tendencies (guilt moreso that restrictive, but I get real restrictive if I’m not careful)and I didn’t think I had a problem until my doctor said something. I tell myself I need carbs (oats! granola! muffins!) to fuel my body. I can’t be afraid of nut butter and avocados. Exercise and food still preoccupies my schedule but baby steps – I understand if I’m going to exercise like crazy, I also need to FUEL like crazy. I love reading your blog everyday because when you admit that it’s just hard sometimes to break old habits I totally understand. Thanks, Amanda for being so open. I really admire you (and your blog and writing, of course!)
If you ever need to chat, don’t be afraid to hit me up <3
Great post, Amanada. I think it’s important for readers to understand eating disorders and sharing your personal story makes it easier for you to reach the audience & help them understand how important it is. I know from my personal 80 pound weight-loss that it is a fine line between trying to lose weight & becoming obsessive about it. Sometimes I have to remind myself to not go crazy counting calories or working out for 3 hours everyday. Even now, 4 years post weight-loss, I still go through those worries. I think people don’t realize how easy it is to slip into a negative behavioral pattern. Thanks for sharing your story.
Wow. This post. I was seriously still thinking about it 15 minutes after I first read it. Thank you for being so brave in bringing this awareness to your readers. I feel like so many people, and women in particular, are quietly struggling with eating disorders and I appreciate you for starting this conversation on your blog.
Thank you so much for bringing awareness to this! It’s something that I, myself, have been affected by in my past, and several other women that are close to me as well, along with countless women out there that I don’t even know. It needs to be stopped! I wish it were that easy…
Thanks for spreading awareness. Such a serious problem affecting so many innocent young ladies (and men too)!
Awesome post! I had a very disordered relationship with food in middle school – I started running, restricting, weighing myself, and hating the mirror. This year has been a struggle as well, but I have learned to recognize the signs of “trying to be healthier” (like exercising too much) as signs of disordered habits.
Great post and so glad you’re advocating this special week like I am:) You know the depths of my story already, but I just wanted to say thanks for writing in small ways about your recovery, even though you don’t go into depths about it. Your blog was a blessing to me. I was already past initial recovery, but I can truly say Spoons has helped it flourish:) I think it’s so funny both of our blogs have to do with spoons and our stories are so similar! Craziness!
I’m starting to realize that my story too feels like a part of the past now, even though I regularly write about it. I think doing so helps me stay active in recovery, but I know that everyone is different. I’d love to attend a NEDA conference one day, wouldn’t you?:) It would be so cool if we got to meet at an IIN meeting someday too:) Who knows!?
Have a great day lady!!<3
I would seriously LOVE to attend a conference or participate in a NEDA walk, but Canada is seriously lacking when it comes to those things 🙁
The only thoughts that come to my head are that with how far I’ve come — being basically 10 pounds OVER the weight I was before my anorexia started, not exercising as much anymore, eating more than enough to never feel hungry or agitated — I can’t help but wonder why the interest still in blogs such as this one. I know that you don’t write about your ED past anymore, but you do write about “healthy living” and all that, and there are a handful of similar blogs I follow as well. It seems to be a trend of people who have suffered through an ED to still have this lingering interest in health, food + nutrition, exercise, cooking/baking…. not sure what I think of that lol. I’m still trying to figure it out myself. All I know is I’d be a liar if I said calories and thoughts like that NEVER cross my mind anymore, you know? So I guess my thoughts are…. how recovered are most of us who claim being recovered? What does that really entail? I guess it’s just different for everyone, but I think there’s no denying this connection between healthy living interests and an ED past.
I’ve given a lot of thought to that topic myself, and I think I’ve come to the conclusion that it IS possible to be interested in healthy living without it coinciding with a disordered mindset. At the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy — and that’s what it all comes down to. Wanting to be healthy. Not eating whole foods to stay thin; not exercising to burn calories; but doing those things because you want to treat your body well and feel your best. And then also remembering that there’s more to health than simply the physical — that you can’t sacrifice your mental and emotional health to eat 100% clean or get your daily workout in.
I guess it’s because I’ve noticed a huge shift in my own mentality from when I was interested in healthy living because it allowed me to stay slim, vs now when I’m passionate about it because it keeps me happy and makes me feel good.
I’m glad you’re spending the time to bring awareness to this topic. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in defining yourself by other people’s standards. This always leads to problems. We have to figure ourselves out first and go from there. Happy Monday!
Love. I had anorexia throughout sophomore year through senior year of high school and then a mini-relapse last semester in college. I’m definitely feeling so much better and looking healthier now that I’ve put on 5-10 pounds and honestly, I’m mentally healthier too. I don’t feel guilt after taking a rest day. I can eat a full meal without needing to workout right after. Candy and cookies never tasted so good until you never ate them for 2 years. I love this post <3
Definitely hear you on the candy and cookies bit… Life’s too short to leave that kind of sweetness out of it.
Gah, do you see where they airbrushed out the natural little lines on the models side?! I mean give me a break. No one is meant to look like they have perfect baby butt soft skin past the age of 3. Just sayin’.
I read once that H & M airbrushed Beyonce in one of their ads for her summer line. She didn’t approve the “photo enhancement.” Apparently she raised havoc because she didn’t want to made into anything she wasn’t, especially since the clothing line was directed towards young teens. PREACH SISTA! I wish more celebrities and campaign ads promoted healthy woman. Not perfectly tanned, toned, and Edward Cullen glistening images of Brazilian amazons.
Def. Sharing! You have opened my eyes so much over the time we have “known” each other about eating disorders! Thank you dear friend!
Such a well written post with such important information! You are beautiful lady. Seriously.
Count me in. Definitely. Spreading awareness is something I really want to work on in my blog – ED’s are still such a tabu subject here in Switzerland and I find it scary.
As you, I’m not the one who yells out my ED story to the world, but I definitely try to be as open as possible if someone asks – as long as it helps someone. If I feel it triggers or someone tries to get ‘tips’ – I stop.
I’ve always loved the raw honesty in your posts, Lucie… especially because it shows how far you’ve come since you started blogging. Always, always remember how amazing you are — you’re way too good for your ED 😉
I’m glad you brught this up – even if it is more of a distant past for you at htis point (which I have to note is an incredible feat!). Once in recovery, I think there becomes a fine line with just trying to live life “normally” and try to forget the ED mentality, but also keeping in mind that one remains succeptible to those behavior taking hold throughout life. At least for me, it has been when I’ve tried to forget and believe that I have a completely normal relationship with food and feelings that has led me to relapse. On the other hand, sometimes being overly cognisant of ED’s presence can make it hard to break free. I do think it is important to bring more awarness to the fact that eating disorders are more common that most think – particularly with the increasing attention that is being brought to eating more “healthfully” and changing our food culture. Orthorexia is taking hold of far to many people as distorted “healthy” eating messages permeate and fear of certain foods increases. I also think it’s important to discuss eating disorders more openly so that we can break the stigmas that they are all caused by barbies and media and difficult family realtions and are rooted in vanity. This only attaches even more shame to the condition and keeps people silent with their struggles and as a result many needlessly suffer. If we can have more objective discussion about eating disorders I think we will make much more progress in helping to reduce the incidence of them taking hold of far to may lives. Thanks so much for being open to sharing your story. Everything you’ve written about your experince has already helped me a great deal 🙂
Amanda my dear. Knowing you I don’t think you’ll ever come to terms with how influential you are in this community. You’re too modest for me 😉 But you are and your words hold weight. I know you are an invaluable source to many young women and men struggling with EDs or are in recovery. To me you are an incredible friend with such a bright future. And to think Anorexia almost took your life would have been an unbearable tragedy. Looking forward to the posts this week!
NEDA is such a great organization. As someone who has personally struggled with disordered eating and body image issues, they are a great resource. So many women get trapped in a vicious body-hate cycle that is hard to break. I am much better to myself than I used to be but still struggle often. I consider it all part of the recovery process. Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts, it takes strength to do that, but it helps others see they aren’t alone.
It takes time, girl — you just need to be patient, especially since progress is so gradual that you may not realize it until you really stop and look at how different you are now than from how you used to be. I once heard that an ED can take 5+ years to recover from, and while it seemed unbelievable at first, I can definitely see how that’s true…
I only heard about NEDA recently..what a splendid, much-needed organization in this day and time. I am recovering from anorexia..I’d say I ended up in that dark place because I was searching for ‘perfection’ and ‘control’..always feeling as though I am not good ‘enough’.
It pains me that the majority of people outside the blog world are seemingly ignorant of how deadly eating disorders are. And it wasn’t until my mind was strong enough to take the intiative to recover, because my family proved unsupportive in that regard – only due to their lack of knowledge in that area and not because they were uncaring.
I am so pleased that you are embarking on getting into this, because I cannot describe how much advice and encouragement from others – who’s been there, or can relate – helps 🙂
I think one of the most important parts of awareness is just getting people to talk. So thank you for talking about something that I’m sure is incredibly difficult and making it not a stigma. I am looking forward to reading the rest of your posts this week (though, when I don’t I, really?) and I will definitely partake in your more serious Thursday Thoughts.
Definitely looking forward to reading your thoughts about it, girl! <3
It really bothers me how society thinks it’s just normal now. Trust me, feeling bad about yourself and never being happy. That’s not normal, nor is it a way to live a life. Hell, my ED began 8 years ago. And it still to this day affects me. Not all the time, just here and there. It’s a battle, but society doesn’t make that battle any easier, and that’s the part that is bad. Society has such a great power, they could change a lot.
I had a long time struggle too, but I’ve never really opened up about it on the blog. Again, it’s one of those things that I’m comfortable talking about, but never found my space on the internet to be the place for it. I’ve always admired your bravery when you do share, and I’ve always thought your story is beautiful. I adore you friend, and thank you for raising awareness! There are still so many people out there that don’t know they have a problem, and I can’t even imagine how many lives you have helped and changed by sharing your story! xoxo
What an amazing post, Amanda! You constantly inspire me! I will share and share and share this post until everyone has a read. So much love!
Awesome post! I’m attending the first annual Miami NEDA Walk on April 27th to raise awareness for eating disorders! miamineda.org/miami2014
nedawalk.org/miami2014 *
That’s amazing! I really wish we had more thing like that in my area, but Canada is a bit lacking compared to the States when it comes to ED awareness 🙁
I’m in and will share in this week’s link up : )
The touch-ups they can do on images these days is insane. It’s so unnatural and deceiving and what you’ve shown above is a perfect example of that. The sad part about is that people view those re-touched images and believe that that is real and that that’s supposed to be what they should look like too when in reality it’s a false image. It’s really very sad.
This is awesome girl. Im so glad you brought this week to our attention. Although I do feel like my ED times were so long ago now, we never really escape that old life, so even if we aren’t still suffering from symptoms, I think it’s still important to recognize the past and acknowledge what we battled through. I think you may have just inspired my next vlog!
I’m definitely in on Thursday!
I know what you mean about the ED feeling like a past life. Honestly, when I think about, it feels like I’m watching a movie, but someone else is playing my character. I can see it and remember what it feels like, but it feels like someone else’s life – I don’t relate to the girl in the movie anymore.
Thank you for tackling this topic – I know you’ll be helping out a lot of people!
100% agree with this. ED is such a life stealer that during the time it consumed me, I don’t really feel it was ME living. It is so sad how much of a life waster EDs are, yet they take the lives of so many people. I praise God that I am the one living now.
The world we live in is such a fine line to navigate-we blog and preach about being healthy and exercising, and it can lead to obsessive behavior if we’re not careful. Major props for your story, I’ll be following all week!
Wow, never knew how crazy dangerous it is….oh how much I need to stop.
🙁 If you’re struggling, please PLEASE reach out for help. It’s not worth losing health and years of your life to. I know it’s hard to imagine, but you WILL be happier when you’re healthier.
Thanks for sharing this great post! I think you are a strong woman to not only win this battle but push on and spread awareness. I, too, struggled with eating disorder and only recently have been really pushing to stay positive and keep on the healthy track. My life and my body deserve it!
Awesome post Amanda – and what a great idea to incorporate NEDA awareness into your posts this week. Looking forward to reading along dear and sharing in TOL this week.
you help me SO much love your blog keep itup!
I am so proud of you for figuring out it was a problem and doing something to stop it. I am also proud of you just living the recovery and making it work for you. Sometimes I think it might be too much to be constantly bringing it up, but you always have a great compromise with talking about it and showing how you can recover and live your life! I am excited to read the posts this week just to see more about it. One of my friend’s sisters actually went through anorexia this past year and lost 20 lbs within 2 months, and has been battling to gain it back. It’s taken a lot, but she finally opened up about it and accepted it and realized what she was missing. I think that’s it; until YOU realize what is going on, whatever anyone else says won’t matter.
I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts this week; I know how hard it is to write about and put into words, especially when it seems like your past. I may even be able to pull together a post for this Thursday even though I never had a true eating disorder, I kind of feel that just about everyone, including myself, has some form of “disordered eating” at some point in their lives. It is such a fine line between “Hey I am going to drop 5 pounds” and taking it too far without really being able to understand what too far is until you are already there.
Isn’t it sad that it’s almost considered normal to struggle with body image these days? Like if you like your body it must mean you’re vain or there’s something wrong with you.
you have me in! I really respect you focusing this week on NEDA awareness and can’t wait to share in the link up.
Thanks for sharing and inspiring so many with your honesty. I had no idea it was NEDA and I just decided to share my 13 year struggle with Bulimia last night.
http://www.inallofhersplendor.com/2014/02/24/fitspiration-my-fitness-story/
Hi Amanda, I stumbled across your blog about 6 months ago and since subscribing, have found reading it to be a nice part of my morning ritual. Even though we are polar opposites in many ways (from what I can tell by reading), we do have a common ground with an ED history. So seeing a post about National Eating Disorders Awareness week is great — I think that it will hit home to many readers out there. Like you, I don’t talk much about my eating disorder experiences, as it just isn’t an all-consuming part of my life anymore. I am so lucky that I had the resources and support to get help and get better. These experiences are definitely a large part of what shaped my last 5-6 years, but it doesn’t run or ruin my life any longer. I am in complete agreement with you regarding the alarming stats that you posted and your sentiments about how important it is to address these issues and provide resources. Thanks for a great read – not the lightest or most fun subject but altogether important.
Thank you for your comment, Jenn. It’s always great to hear from others who’ve overcome similar struggles and show that recovery is possible 🙂