Oh, Mr. Veggie, it seems as though your scandalous ways have resulted in many a food baby. You come around all innocence and sunshine, and before we know it we’re left with a growing belly and never hear from you again.
Jerk…
. – . – . – .
Hey guys! I really loved reading all of your comments on the whole veggie issue. It seems like most of us have overdone it on the veggie front at one point or another, and learned the hard way that you can definitely have too much of a good thing. As for me, I think I’ll be sticking to moderate portions of veggies that my stomach can actually handle…
… and use the rest for decorative purposes 😉
So today is Friday, and I couldn’t help but notice how much my perception of the weekend has changed over time. Weekends used to be a chance to stay out until the sun came up and sleep until 3 in the afternoon. I was the kind of girl who needed to be out pretty much every night of the week, even if I had to go in to work or school the next day. I wasn’t necessarily partying, but the evenings that I’d actually spend at home were few and far between.
Oh how times have changed…
These days, I usually go out 1 or 2 nights per week, and never end up staying out past midnight. My weekends no longer involve busy clubs and parties, but quieter get-togethers with family and friends. In all honesty, most of the time I’d rather spend my evenings at home and enjoy some quiet time to myself…
For a while there, I really couldn’t help but wonder if my preferences were “normal.” I felt that, as a single girl in her 20’s, I should really be showing more of an interest in getting myself out of the house, so I started pushing myself to go out more, even when I really didn’t feel like it.
Did I end up having a good time? Ehhhh, I guess so? More so than I would have if I had stayed at home? Not really. Like I already mentioned, I legitimately enjoy being at home. There are times where I really feel like I need to get out and do something (so I do), but for the most part I’m perfectly content with spending quiet evenings at home; especially since I’ve finally learned to stop beating myself up about it. See, I used to be plagued by thoughts like…
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why don’t I want to go out?”
“This can’t be normal“
… but then I realized that it was normal – my normal. Some people may love going out and being social, but that’s just not for me… at least not right now. There may come a time where I start craving more social interaction and time away from home, but as of right now, this seems to be exactly what I need. I think, I read, I write, I game, I blog, I eat my last fig and date oatmeal bar and cry a little inside….
… and I’m happy this way – this is just who I am and I’ve come to accept that there’s nothing wrong with that.
I think the idea that we should all conform to a certain type of lifestyle is as ridiculous as the idea that we should all conform to a certain type of diet. Just like there’s no one-size-fits-all diet, I don’t believe there’s a one-size-fits-all lifestyle. You shouldn’t feel guilty for enjoying time at home any more than you should feel guilty for eating a diet that’s higher in carbs; and you shouldn’t force yourself to change just to fit some “norm” either.
What you should do is whatever it is that makes you happy, whatever it is that makes you feel good. If you want to do this, do this; if you want to eat that, eat that; but above all, be confident in your choice. Don’t beat yourself up over what you like and who you are, because it’s our quirks and differences that make us beautiful. Don’t try to force yourself to play the part of someone you’re not, because it’s perfectly okay just to be you. Love it, work it, own it.
. – . – . – .
Can anyone relate?
Do you enjoy going out? Or are you more of a homebody?Â
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU.
And I’m sorry if I just freaked you out. The thing is, trying to get rid of an ED/ exercise obsession is so hard, and when I feel like crying your blog calms me down and gives me hope. It’s posts like this – and especially this one, that make me just feel happy to be who I am – happy to be in my own body.
I need to let go of the thought that I am lazy, that I will gain weight or have eaten too mug dessert. Because those thoughts start as nothing then end up ruining your life.
But during my darkest moments your blog and advice have been my light, and now I know life is full of hope. Happiness is out there.
Thank you so much Amanda. You have made me realise that every one of us is worth it; I am endlessly grateful.
Wish you all the best, Tamara
I can COMPLETELY relate! I honestly hate going out, but I always tend to force myself to because “oh I’m in college and I should be going out and being social”, but whenever I go to parties or large gatherings I feel awkward and miserable. The nights I have the most fun are with people, but small intimate groups where we can actually have meaningful discussion! SO nice.
When I was younger (high school and early college days), you couldn’t keep me in the house! But now? Now I’m a total homebody. Sometimes I feel guilty sitting at home all weekend long (mainly because I feel like I should have at least ONE thing to say I did over my time off), but most of the time, I’m just so darn tired after working all week, that I NEED that time to recuperate! Lol
I totally relate to this! I worried for a long time it was because of my ed that I’d seclude myself and relish me time but I’ve come to learn that it’s not, it’s just me.
In fact, I spent my whole first three years of university hating that I didn’t like to go out, drink and party. I felt like such a loner and such an oddity. Then by final year I stopped thinking about how other people saw me as a reclusive, boring person and just got on with my own thing. Did people still think I was a aloof recluse? Yes and that’s because I can be that. I am that, in fact, and there’s no point trying to deny something you are. What’s more, where’s the use in being unhappy with it? We are who we are and if sitting at home, reading blogs and eating my body weight in chocolate coated raisins is how I like to spend Saturday night, then why not??
I also agree with Laura, I think non-partiers are a lot more common than we think. Probably because we’re all at home, lounging in with a book or a film, we have no clue each other exist! I’d much rather go out for some food and a good catch up with friends then to a bar with loud music and drunk people! Sometimes, (more often!) I want to be on my own in the evenings and potter about. I think as long as you’re happy and relaxed in your ‘down’ time, it’s no one’s business how, where or with how many people you spend it!
Thanks for sharing, Jessica! And that’s a great point about homebodies being a lot more common than we think… we just don’t tend to [knowingly] come across them as much since they’re all… errr… at home. I guess that’s why the blog world introduces us to so many more people like us.
I think being more of a home girl is actually far more common than most people realise. For some reason I think people feel the pressure to be out all of the time ‘living it up’ but not all that many people enjoy it! I did used to go out a bit when I was younger (god I sound so old!) but even then I didn’t actually enjoy it that much. Now I like to go and see live music or have a night in with friends rather than going out 🙂
It took me YEARS to feel comfortable with my own preferences and decisions. In fact, I’d say that until last winter, most of the evening social activities I partook in felt more like obligations than fun opportunities. Sure, I had “fun,” but I was always checking my watch to see if it was late enough to make an exit! I am social, and truly enjoy being around–and meeting–people, however I’m *not* a big fan of being around people in noisy, smelly bars! The social scene in DC revolves around bar hopping at nighttime, and since I’ve been living here since I was 18, I’ve come to accept that as “normal.” However, I’ve also realized that that “normal” doesn’t need to be my normal. I MUCH prefer meeting friends for dinner at a fun restaurant (or hosting them at home!) or for drinks at a laid-back bar (or coffee shop!), so that’s what I do now. I’m rarely out past midnight (I used to arrive home at 2 or 3am every weekend night), and even savor those evenings when I *gasp* don’t have any plans other than to take a hot bubble bath and chat on the phone with a friend. 🙂
The entire time I was reading this I kept thinking “me too, me too!” It happened quickly in my life. I used to be an outgoing girl who loooved to party. Seriously, and I started young too :/ After college graduation something happened and I started spending more and more time at home. I’m still trying to figure out the reasons behind it and whether it’s normal or not for my personality (everyone is different of course!), but I’ve made peace with it. I think it’s about balance (as is everything in life!) and if you feel that it’s right and natural then it is! Thanks for an amazing post yet again 🙂
You know me, Im a total homebody!! I never went out much in my teens, unless it was with my church group. Even when I went to soccer tournys and the girls would go out at night, I would sit in the hot tub with my mom or one other girl lol Sometimes I feel like Im wasting my life away just sitting at home, but its not like I have the money to do anything anyway lol Now adays Ninja and I will go out once a week or so, and then a few days a week we go out for bible studies and what not. That’s it! I do like having people over though, so does that count as being a homebody? I love to entertain…in my own home though!
A social homebody, maybe? 😉 But I know what you mean – I’m a big fan of having people over as well, especially because it gives me an excuse to bake more!
Oh girl, you are DEFINITELY not alone. In fact, Will and I find ourselves having date nights IN much more often than we have date nights out. We both used to be very much into the whole “party” scene (especially him!), but now my favorite kind of evening is spent bundled up watching Netflix.
And that’s without even mentioning the fact that I can barely stay up past midnight… 😀
When I was younger I was a total social bee. I went out basically every single night whether or not I had classes the next day. Bad bad decision on my behalf! And then when my ED got really bad, I never went out. It was one extreme to the next. Now, I try and make myself go out a few nights a week even if I don’t want to. But I usually have a good time. I much prefer being “alone” and at home curling up with a movie and getting to bed early instead of partying until the early morning. Oh, how times have changed!
I can so relate to this! I used to love going out to the bars til the wee hours of the mornings, but then ED happened and I totally isolated myself. These days I have a better balance! I still love time to myself at home but a few nights a week I’ll go out to dinner, go out for tea, or have a movie night with friends. I’ve tried going out to the bars recently, but I just have a crappy time and want to go home at midnight. So I’ve just accepted that I’m a more low key person, and I’m okay with that! 🙂
My fellow homebody! You rock 🙂
I LOVE being alone too! Aside from my teenage years/early 20s, I have always been a homebody. Last summer, I went on a brief solo road trip to Whitefish MT. It was wonderful – I booked a room at a b&b, wined & dined myself, read & relaxed on the beach, etc. Next time I vacay solo, I’d like to go away for at least a week. 😀
I am a home body, but I am conscious of the why I am staying home. Is it because I am scared to go out or is it because I really want to be home. Most of the time I really want to be home or I have things to do (I am a college student! studying is life) but sometimes I stay in because I am scared of not fitting in, not finding friends, and not having any fun. So I push myself to leave the house and do things. It is almost always worth it
Beautiful post! I love your words. They are true and profound.
Thank you 🙂
i’m definitely a homebody. i do enjoy going out every once in a while {and it’s fun} but i also enjoy staying in and just watching tv or a movie.
Wow, I definitely needed to read this today! I used to be the same way, mostly in high school and the very beginning of college. I went out almost every night and stayed out late, woke up late, etc. Nowadays, I enjoy getting a good nights sleep, waking up early, and getting my day started. I felt like yesterday since it was a Friday night, I was the only loser home in a college town. But, whatever. Can’t please everyone and I just need to focus on doing what I like from now on and not even worry about it 🙂
What a sweet post and you are normal! You are being YOU and doing what you want and enjoy <3
I do like to stay home, I had my years of my early 20's and even up to 27 when I would go out all the time! I am married now and do treasure weekends with Mike since he works a lot during the week. I am a social butterfly and do get out, but no clubs! My friends and I will do dinners and such!
Happy weekend! <3
I completely agree Amanda, everyone has their own normal. It took me a long time to realize that I was an introvert, and then an even longer time to accept that. It doesn’t mean that I never go out and do something with others, it just means that I enjoy some solitude time, and will be exhausted and cranky if I go toooo long without any. Just as an extravert will be restless and aggravated if they don’t have anyone to talk to or do something with. There is nothing wrong with us, it is just who we are 🙂
I’m going to go against the grain here and say I absolutely love going out! I do suffer the repercussions though…I drink quite a lot (there is a major binge drinking culture here is australia!) so I do get the negatives…funnily enough sometimes I wish I was more content at home and do try and have nights in. I enjoy them (actually having a saturday night in right now!) but then I crave going out and the social interaction it brings by next weekend. It was a bit different when I was in a relationship but not really..all my friends go out and I love doing that with them! I am trying to moderate it at the moment though and not drink so much/get so tired. Everyone is different though and I totally respect people that do stay home more- they are probably a lot healthier than me!
I love this post: I am genuinely not a social person at all. Too much time alone with my head can be a bad thing, so occasionally I’ll go somewhere outside my comfort zone, but never with large groups of people and certainly never to a party. I’ve been socially anxious my entire life, and it upsets me slightly when people equate wanting to stay at home with disordered thinking. I’ve forced myself to go out for most of my teens: I never once had a good time or got used to it. Why should I continue to do something that makes me miserable well into my 20s just because it’s ‘expected’ of me? I suppose I am not a ‘normal’ person in any respect, so it is easier for me to just add not wanting to go out to the list, rather than it standing out as the only ‘abnormal’ aspect of my personality.
Fine, if an ED suddenly caused a paradigm shift in personality, or the specific reason for not wanting to go out is not wanting to consume calories or be out of a workout routine, then maybe someone could cry ‘disordered’ but if being at home is comforting, if it makes someone feel safe and relaxed, then no-one has the right to say anyone ‘should’ be going out drinking all night and crawling home wasted and probably sick. That is one person’s definition of a ‘good time:’ it is not THE definition of a ‘good time.’ I have had therapists throw at my that going out and boozing it up is an essential part of integrating into society. It saddens me that even supposed mental health professionals could have such a narrow-minded attitude towards what makes someone ‘normal.’
xxx
The disordered label really bothers me as well. I hate the idea that there’s only one way to be “normal” and that any deviation from that means there’s something wrong with a person. That kind of thinking takes perfectly healthy people and makes them start wondering whether there is in fact something wrong with them, which can just open up the door to things like the self-fulfilling prophecy and eventually cause more problems down the road.
i am a homebody through and through.
I am definitely more of a homebody, as I was throughout college. But now that I’m back home I feel the need to be out of the house a lot more and want to explore places and am more interested in meeting and talking to people. It’s weird. But I think in the end I’m still most comfy and content in my own space. I love my quiet time 🙂
Ahh thank god it’s not just me being a weirdo! 🙂 It’s really hard for me being at uni as going out tends to be ‘the done thing’ and oh man, when I first started as a fresher and it was freshers week…that was the worst week of my life at uni and I felt so lonely. Now people have kind of accepted that I just don’t like going out but that doesn’t mean I’m not a fun person! I’ll go out occasionally if I feel like it but it’s not a weekly thing for me because I do genuinely love just relaxing at home on my own. I do worry sometimes that it stops me from meeting guys and I’ll be single all of my life but it’s not the only way people meet each other so I haven’t given up hope 🙂
I’m definitely more of a homebody and enjoy “me” time. While the occasional night out is always fun, I much prefer getting together with a few friends or enjoying a night in alone. 🙂
I can absolutely relate. I’d much rather stay @ home, relaxing in my cozies cuddled up on the couch w/ the the hubs eating dinner & watching football/movies. I just feel much more content in my own home. It’s so crazy because I have a twin brother, and growing up I was the one who ALWAYS needed to go out, he was a homebody and now that we are older.. we’ve completed swapped who goes out & who stays in. Maybe it’s because I’m married now, I don’t know? But I wouldn’t change it for anything.
Have an awesome weekend doll xo
I totally get where you’re coming from. Now, mind you, I’ve been in a committed relationship for almost 3 years, so it’s a little different I guess, but I used to love going out and partying and staying out til dawn. Now? Not so much. I prefer smaller get togethers at home or at a friend’s house…I don’t know. I’m not so much the clubbing type anymore. I suppose if anything, I prefer going out to dinner and having a glass of wine 🙂
Sometimes I think I’m just getting old or something 😆
Thank you for this post! For the past four years (current length of my ED) I have hated myself. Who I am, the way I talk, the fact that I’m shy and have “no friends”, my dislike of going out and being “normal”. I am SO not alone in the way I am and it’s definitely okay to not be “normal”. Staying in and doing what I like, be it knitting, reading, or watching Glee, is totally and completely fine. And whoever says otherwise can take a hike 🙂
oh dude (girl), you read my mind! I’ve been thinking about this going out and staying at home a lot, lately! It’s mostly because I’ve never ever been a homebody. Sure, I love to stay at home for a lil while and do something productive or sometimes chill, but I always seem to have to balance it out by being outside. I’ve always been this way and I think it’s partly because my family never ever went anywhere and always worked and stayed at home while I was growing up. Then I decided that I can always play outside by myself! (or with friends) And I truly enjoyed it, and still enjoy it, heh…..:P But at the end of the night, I love going home and being with my loved ones. Ok I make it sound like I’m out all the time! lol, I’m not. But I have to balance it out and SEE people. #extrovertedslashintroverted?
Thanks so much for this! I am a bit of a homebody too and I struggle with the same feelings that you are describing. I am typically much happier in a small group or one-on-one. The whole club/bar scene is just not what I want to be doing every weekend. With my age and where I live, it is not really the norm (although I expect there are others out there like us who are also just afraid to say so!)
I think there are actually a lot more people than we think who struggle with these kind of things… we just don’t tend to [knowingly] come across them as often because they’re the quiet ones who keep to themselves, and thus a little more difficult to pick out of a crowd.
Great post Amanda! I can totally relate and at times would much rather sit at home after a long work week and just relax and watch a movie. What I love about this post is how you emphasize our uniqueness!!
From your veggie post to this one, I have realized we are two peas in a pod. I have cut down on my veggie consumption and can’t tell you how much better I feel. I still eat a decent amount of fruits and veggies each day, but before now my veggie portions were ginormous. Now they are “normal” sized I guess you could say…and the tum is happy. 🙂 I used to get so bloated, and actually thought I was lactose-intolerant. Turns out, it wasn’t dairy at all; just those innocent looking veggies, haha! I’m glad i finally figured it out.
And I definitely need to have a good amount of home time (“me time”) in order to feel happy. I feel that social interaction is essential to all human beings, but the matter of how much is completely individual. Thank you for stating that it is completely normal. Usually I don’t worry about it, but every now and then I do feel like the oddball who stayed in on a Friday night. It’s good to know I’m actually not alone. Basically, you rock Amanda. 🙂
definitely dealing with this issue.. I feel like I’m more of a homebody but am not sure if its just because I’d rather not face a situation that makes me feel nervous or uncomfortable.. I’m a college student though! I should want to go out and party and drink and go crazy.. as much as a part of me wants to do that, I love staying home and just being with my family/close friends or by myself… what a confusing subject..
Yeah it’s definitely not an easy thing to figure out, but feeling like you should do something only because it’s part of the image attached to your age group doesn’t really seem like a convincing reason to do it, you know? What you want and like should come from inside you, not be the influence of an external source.
Actually obsessed with your line “Don’t try to force yourself to play the part of someone you’re not, because it’s perfectly okay just to be you.” SSOOOOO TRUE. I think it’s easy to get sucked into thinking you have to go out or get in x amount of social time. Everyone is different. Some are social butterflies, others simply are homebodies. I’m totally a homebody too 🙂
Love this! I am definitely more of a homebody 🙂
Again, I and so many other ED-sufferers (or former ED-sufferers) can relate. It seems to be a common trait amongst all of us — probably something that has stayed with us as it is something we did so often during our ED days that it’s really become second nature. And if you suffered from an ED in your early 20s, well, all the more reason being used to wanting to stay in more often than not since it is something you did for a part of your adult life. lol, I know I’m a pain in your side and always seem to have something not entirely uplifting to say, but that’s really how I see it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this kind of a lifestyle though — I was *never* much into partying to begin with — but… food for thought 😀
Lol you’re not a pain in the side – it’s always good to get a different perspective on things. I went through a lot of phases when it comes to going out, even in my teens. Sometimes I’d love it, and other times I’d just want to stay home, so maybe this is just another one of those things that’ll pass eventually. Who knows.
This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot. While I’d generally consider myself more of a homebody I’m not sure whether this preference has been influenced by ED during the last years. It doesn’t feel comfortable but I think I might have to test out the waters, push myself outside my comfort zone and see whether I truly don’t enjoy parties. I don’t feel like it but I assume it might be necessary. What do you think?
I do have to say, though, that it’s relieving to know there are others feeling the same way. Yes, it makes me feel more “normal” for being the way I am.
I think it’s always a good idea to test things and see. If you find that you don’t like it, then at least you can stop wondering, and if you find that you do actually enjoy it, then hey… that’s just another fun thing to do, right? 🙂
Love this post! I am a homebody too and always think how not normal I am that I just don’t enjoy staying out late or partying on the weekend! I think you have a really good approach to this! Thank you for posting this!
I can definitely relate. I am very much a non-social, homebody type of girl. I’ve never been the party, and actually get pretty anxious is those type of situations. I much better one on one, and definitely love the comfort of my own home. Unless, of course, the “going out” means taking a trip. I love to travel and I’m all about going anywhere anyone wants to!
I’m the same way with travelling! I’m not big on going out where I live, but I’ll jump on any opportunity to travel and see a new place.
I’m definitely in the homebody category. Maybe I’m a little biased because I live with my boyfriend, but I’m perfectly content to spend my nights in relaxing with him.
I learned a while back that I’m not a partier. Maybe for big events and holidays I like parties and bar nights, but on a regular weekend I’d rather be at home or hanging out and relaxing with friends.
Like right now: Friday night, and the only plan tonight is to write tomorrow’s post and catch up on this weeks How I Met Your Mother – could not be happier about it. 😀
Hehe a lot of my Friday nights end up looking like that as well, and I couldn’t agree more about being perfectly happy with it 🙂