Does anyone else feel really badass for surviving yet another apocalypse?
No? Huh. Maybe it’s just me then; but it’s a good thing that today didn’t mark the end of the world, because I would have missed out on some pretty darn tasty eats otherwise…
You know the drill. Plain Greek yogurt with a banana, Kashi wheaties, applesauce, and roasted almond butter.
Ezekiel English muffin – cream cheese&jam – almond butter – carrot sticks.
Chewy chocolate chip cookie.
Random but good. I took some WW noodles, topped them with bell peppers, green beans, and mushrooms that I cooked in some olive oil and pasta sauce, tossed in a tiny bit of broccoli, threw a fried egg on the side, and called it dinner.
Kidding – sort of. There’s no denying that a good meal or tasty treat can put a smile on my face faster than almost anything else, but a bad meal no longer has the ability to ruin my mood the way it used to.
There was a time in the depths of my ED where eating a less-than-perfect meal or having to rush through a good one would put me in the biggest funk imaginable – I would get so upset, you’d think I had just suffered through some major tragedy – which, in my mind at least, I had.
Because my body was starving, my mind placed food on a golden pedestal and meal times basically became the only things I looked forward to. I didn’t care about seeing my friends; I didn’t care about going out and having fun; I didn’t care about anything. The only thing I wanted was to be able to sit down in peace and quiet and enjoy my food.
I would spend hours trying to come up with creative meal ideas that would guarantee me the enjoyment that I so desperately craved, and then go on to spend several more hours in the kitchen preparing these elaborate meals. I looked forward to eating so much that I would literally stare at the clock and agonizingly count down the minutes until my next meal. It’s actually kind of sad to think about…
I mean, don’t get me wrong – I love food, and eating is definitely a huge pleasure… but it’s still just food. At the end of the day, it’s main purpose is to provide us with the energy we need to live our lives. Sure, it’s great to be able to sit down and enjoy a good meal, but sometimes that kind of thing just isn’t possible, and it’s important to be okay with that.
I used to make a whole production of sitting down and dragging my meal out as long as humanely possible, but these days it’s pretty common for me to run into my kitchen, grab the first things I see, throw them together hoping for the best, scarf everything down in 2.2, and run out the door without giving it another thought. I actually found half a sandwich in my closet the other day – apparently I was in such a rush to get ready that I put it down and forgot to pick it back up. My bad? 😯 Is this my favorite way to go about doing things? No, definitely not, but sometimes it’s the only way, and as lackluster as it is, it’s still inifnitely better than going hungry and suffering the consequences.
I’ve been trying to decide whether I prefer living to eat or eating to live, and I think I’ve finally figured it out – I’m fine with both. There are days when I don’t mind putting more time and effort into my meals, and there are days when I don’t want to give food a second thought and end up getting by on cereal, bananas, sandwiches, and frozen pizza. Both days are good in my books, and dare I say that I actually like having a combination of the two? It’s perfectly okay to enjoy food and look forward to eating, as long as it’s not the only thing you look forward to; and it’s perfectly okay to have to rush through a meal without getting much of a chance to enjoy it. After all, it’s not like it’s the end of the world and that’s the last meal you’ll ever eat… there’s always tomorrow 😉
. – . – . – .
Do you, or have you ever, put food on a pedestal? Could a bad meal potentially ruin your day?
Do you eat quickly or slowly? Sitting down or standing over the kitchen counter?
What’s the most random ‘meal’ you ever put together in a rush?
“It’s perfectly okay to enjoy food and look forward to eating, as long as it’s not the only thing you look forward to” – well-said my dear! I think this nails it perfectly. Our lives shouldn’t revolve around food or our meals every day, but that doesn’t mean we can’t look forward to eating. If that were true, Thanksgiving/Christmas/birthday meals would be pretty boring, no? The one thing that has been bothering me lately about my eating habits is that I scarf down food waaaay too fast when I don’t have to. It’s become almost a bad habit, and I’ve been trying to slow things down so that I could actually taste my meals (when I have time of course 😉 )
I’m totally guilty about putting food on a pedestal. It’s especially bad around the holidays when I stress about feeding everyone something that all of them will love. It’s a bit ridiculous.
Seriously how is it that every.single.post you write, I feel like you are typing up words that I am thinking in my head? Crazy girl. Amen. <3
haha I wonder what I would do if I found half my sandwich in my closet.
Your last paragraph really says it all. I think thats definitely the relationship I have with food. Depends on the day and how I feel 🙂
I’ve been guilty of putting food on a pedestal… a bad meal could ruin my day. I’m trying to think of food lately as more of fuel & nourishment for my body, but I can’t deny that I love a good tasty meal. It makes me happy. I’m a foodie at heart.
I tend to eat way too quickly… I love my food & just can’t seem to eat it fast enough. lol
I have definitely put food on a pedestal in the past and I know EXACTLY what you mean about how a potentially lackluster meal could ruin the rest of the day. I’ve turned into the worst grump after eating something that I thought would be so much more satisfying than it actually was and I have no idea why or HOW I got that way. Luckily over the last few months, I’ve started to noticed that I’ve gotten more relaxed about it…I mean, it still sucks when something isn’t as tasty as you thought it would be, but hey, it’s not the end of the world…yet! 😉
I usually eat WAY to fast, but I’ve been trying to slow down and be more present during my meals so that I’m more conscious of my satiety…otherwise I’ll end up wolfing it down and then looking for more only to end up with a tummy ache later for overdoing it. And it definitely helps when I stop and sit at the table.
MY most random meal? Haha! Well…when I was heading out for my St. Louis trip, I grabbed a bowl of leftover steamed green beans on my way out the door…I ended up mixing them with roasted garlic & fig spread, hemp seeds, and…wait for it…sweet beef jerky! And it was actually one of the best combos I’ve had! Lol
Your posts always seem to nail me. Like, its perfect for how Im feeling right now. Guess thats because your my brother from another mother. Err, or something like that 😉
Food unfortuntely still has the power to ruin my day. With this whole stomach/chest issue, my workouts have really suffered, so my eating has been way off. Some days I really feel like Im going to go insane, and some days I feel ok. I just try to take it a day at a time, and focus on what Im doing FOR my body and not what Im doing TO it. Make sense? lol
I believe the correct term is “Sister from another mister” 😉
While I do enjoy sitting down to my meals and not rushing through them, I also have no problem with stuffing dry Puffins into my mouth as I run errands (this happened today…). 🙂 I definitely do try to be mindful though and make sure I do not become preoccupied with food as a focal part of my days.
There were a few years when food – and everything to do with it – was my life. That sounds dramatic, but it’s true. It’s also ironic, because food *restriction* was slowly chipping away at my life; turning it into a half-existence. Everything you said in this post – a lack of desire to see friends, elaborate meal preparation, staring at the clock – described me to a ‘T.’ Life today is…well LIFE. It’s so different. Grab n’ go dining is my usual (with the exception of the next two weeks because I’m home at my mom’s), I rarely have time to plan any meals, and I savor the days when I’m able to take a few moments to thumb through a cooking magazine (another obsession of mine back then). Life isn’t perfectly balanced (is it ever?!), but it’s fulfilling.
I’m naturally a fast eater, but I’ve been working hard to slow down, mainly because it helps my digestion. I have IBS, and when I wolf down food, my stomach gets angry. :-s This means I often throw food in my bag, so that I can nibble on-the-go. 😉
I’ve definitely been there and, admittedly, sometimes I still am. It’s frustrating when some days are more preoccupied by food thoughts than others, but I try to remind myself there’s a REASON for it and my body is telling me something. On the days when there is peace from those thoughts, though, it is true freedom and it feels SO good. That’s what keeps propelling me forward – knowing that eventually that will be my reality!
That’s definitely an awesome way to keep yourself motivated 😀 Being greedy for freedom is a good thing.
I remember when I was first recovering I put food on such a high pedestal, it was my main source for happiness. If I had one bad meal, I would freak out and refuse to eat the rest of the day, would get annoyed at everyone, cry and felt let down. I was an emotional wreck at first! It’s crazy how ED can mess with our minds in that matter. I also used to take FOREVER to eat a meal, because I wanted it to last forever. Once it was over, all I could think about was my next meal…what to eat that would make me happier. Oh and another horrible thing was being scared to try new foods in case I didn’t like it and my day would be ruined. Dramatic much? haha. This post is so amazing! I know a lot of use relate strongly to these things! Even though I don’t focus so much on these things anymore, I’ll still admit some of those things are still slightly there.
Amazing perspective here. I remember those days where I had to have the perfect thing because if I was going to eat it, it was going to be worth it. I think it all stems back down to that black and white mentality of it either being perfect or not. Aka going back into that binging type mindset as well. I think now, food is just food. Plain and simple. It has a function to provide enjoyment but more importantly just nourishment so I can live.
You hit the nail on the head with this post. It is clear that many of us can relate so strongly to it and I know i definitely can, too. I think I have more of a balance now but yes, I can have my moments still from time to time. I’m a work in progress though and i’m okay with not being perfect. The fact I acknowledge it and work to counteract it is what matters!
The putting food on a pedestal concept confuses me a little, because I have done that for most (if not all) of my life and, even at an overweight size (so hardly starving or even hungry!) I counted down the seconds until my next meal, right after finishing the previous one…even if I was stuffed to the point of feeling sick. I think food as the focal point of the day only happens when someone is severely depressed and literally has nothing else in their life…or they are using it (this applies more to me than anyone else) to stuff down negative emotions, anxiety, despair and loneliness. The only time those feelings aren’t so prevalent and strong is when I’m eating – I have to deal with them for the rest of the day, and I’m spectacularly crap at dealing with my feelings. Honestly, I was so, so jealous when I read that you just put down a sandwich and forgot about it. That would be my dream; to care so little about food that I could just leave it behind.
You know when inconsiderate people just drop food and leave it in the street half-eaten sometimes while they’re walking along? I have NEVER understood how people can do that. I would be so happy if I could be one of those women who casually ‘forgets’ to each lunch. Even when I was busy 24/7 working two jobs and in college when I was 20, I still found time to binge daily.
I wish I could be more like you.
Ohh man I totally know what you mean! if a meal were less than ideal, I literally wouldn’t eat it. I’d rather not eat than “waste calories” on something less than ideal. Gah. I can’t believe I used to do that. And yeah, at the end of the day, food is just fuel. It should taste awesome and be savored and make you happy most of the time, but at the end of the day you’ve just gotta get something in! I’ve definitely been SO much happier now that I don’t fixate on food – and who knew, I have way more energy to do the things I love! In any case, I’m glad the world didn’t end too – your dinner looks AMAZING! sometimes random combos can really hit the spot.
Bahaha to that sandwich in the closet!! That is awesome! A bad meal doesn’t ruin my day, it bums me out sometimes if it was something I was WHOA excited about. I should probably work on that though. Also if it’s something that doesn’t taste that great, I feel like it was a waste SOMETIMES..not all the time. I do have the ability to just eat in order to push on with the day even if I am eating something that tastes like cardboard.
Oh yes, been there with food. I know how that is, sad how food can be such a big stress when it should be enjoyed!
Happy weekend to you girl and happy holidays if I don’t get the chance to wish you that before christmas! <3
I definitely thing there is a balance. I LOVE food but I think I have a better balance between food as fuel and food as pleasure. I do look forward to most meals and like to make an effort so that they are delicious, satisfying and on the whole, healthy. But at the same time food comes secondary to living life, sometimes I eat because I need to and a meal isn’t ‘perfect’ but I no longer stress because I remember I’ll be eating a lot more in the future!
What a seriously great post and I’ve been trying to digest how I wanted to comment. It isn’t that food is on a pedistol for me, but being diabetic I’ve always had to think carefully about what foods go into my body. If I have to go with something that I don’t approve of, I’ve found that having more sugar for one meal, I can just cut down sugar at a different meal and be okay.
It’s definitely a whole other story when you have a medical condition to manage. I grew up having to read labels and really pay attention to what I eat because of my allergies, but there was a big difference between that kind of normal vigilance and the straight up fear that controlled me during my ED.
Ohhh yes I used to be the exact same way! I used to schedule my life around my meal times and they were pretty much all I looked forward to. And I wanted every meal to be made of only my favourite foods, eaten alone at my computer without any interruptions for at least an hour. It was so sad! Nowadays I still get pleasure out of a good meal and I still sometimes like to spend hours in my kitchen cooking up an elaborate homemade dinner, but I don’t care about my meals being “perfect”. I’m fine with eating a subpar meal at a restaurant or throwing together a boring fast meal in a rush – as you said, it’s just food!
I can completely relate to this post. The days where I’m feeling great, food takes a back seat and I just eat my meals like normal. On days where I’m feeling down, or bored, or “whatever,” food definitely gets placed on that golden pedestal. It’s what brightens or dampens my day… So much rests on food sometimes. Haha. Not good. I think we all have our up and down days though. Thanks for reminding me that both eating to live and living to eat are okay. Whatever works best for an individual,
So true! I wish I could say I’d overcome my “food perfectionism” as in having the perfect timing, sitting down to eat and savouring every bite. But that’s still something that can upset me easily. Okay, I’m taking small steps but feel like I was too slow in my progress.
At least I recently scarved down canned – organic, but still canned! – soup at my sister’s in mere minutes because the family was headed out for the theatre. Then again, having to eat chocolate fondue while standing crowded around a small table at a friend’s: Not cool with me because I had SO looked forward to it and then everybody was stuffing themselves and we were done in minutes. What agitates me is that I feel like I can’t enjoy the experience of eating in these situations. Yes, some snacks have to be eaten in a hurry and that’s okay. But – to me at least – there are special times that require sitting down for true enjoyment.
Here’s to hoping I won’t let the Christmas celebrations be kind of ruined through me overvaluing food once again. Because – as you said – food really is just food and Christmas is just once a year. I really want this year to be better.
Oh, random but: I want your breakfast. I know you’ve been posting it many times before but I’d really like to have it right now :).
“It’s perfectly okay to enjoy food and look forward to eating, as long as it’s not the only thing you look forward to”—> I absolutely love this line! I can’t believe how much importance I once gave food. I still adore it but it’s not my only source of happiness! As much as I love well-thought out, cooked meals I often fall back on quick meals out of convenience…and to be honest, those kind of meals can taste as delicious! I used to get so irritated if my meal wasn’t perfect or didn’t taste “omigod amazing” but I’ve finally realised that it’s NOT a big deal….we have a billion meals in the future that can make up for it!
I still struggle with this. I’ll spend a lot of time figuring out what I want to eat each day…truth is, I usually have an idea pretty quick, but I’ll try to rework it if it’s something I don’t think is “healthy enough” (i.e. waffles for dinner…love it and want it a lot more than I let myself have it…)…needs to change for more than one reason but ultimately for the biggest one you gave…it’s just food and helps me get through the day so I can live life…nothing more or less
Waffles for dinner are amazing. I think I did that for about a week straight once, and it’s still a pretty regular occurrence these days. I know it’s easier said than done, but just let yourself live whenever the cravings strike, and you’ll see that you’ll only be happier for it 🙂
I know you’re right. And I’m noticing that it’s getting easier each time so I’ll keep at it 🙂
Amanda, I love you & the way you can consistently post such amazing posts!! Not only do you throw together random ingredients to make a kick a$$ dinner, but you always leave me smiling!! Have a wonderful holiday weekend.
Oh yes. Mealtimes were king. I was actually completely desperate when they were over. So I went for a workout to make the hours go by….crazy. I am so glad that you are in such a better place today !!!
Luckily I’m not as bad as I used to be, but I still hold food up on a pedestal, especially regarding the quality of my meals. I get disappointed when I eat a less-than-awesome meal because I feel like I could have enjoyed the experience so much more if it had been good. So I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing to want to enjoy food or want quality over quantity or whatever, but I definitely agree that food is just food–it’s meant to be fuel, enjoyable but not the center of the world!
Reading this post made me feel sad. I can admit it. I”m guilty of a lot of the things you talked about. Even though I’m in the middle of my recovery ‘journey’, I still really do put my meals on a pedestal. Staring at the clock, getting ridiculously agitated or angry if I can’t enjoy it in peace (i.e. in solitude with as few people around as possible), on “schedule”. A bad meal is absolutely enough to ruin my day, unfortunately. And yeah, it really does feel like a ‘production’ a lot of the time, whether I’m eating fast because I’m so hungry, or slowly because I’m hungry but at the same time don’t want the meal to end. Even though I’ve made ‘progress’, things like this make me realize that I still have a long way to go.
I have several meals that I throw together in a quick fix. Mostly they’re wraps, or stir-fry dishes. With wraps, I either take a veggie patty I’ve made, or shredded chicken and smash it into a WW pita with sauteed cabbage, or sauteed onions. I eat the wrap with a combo of salsa and hummus on the side for dipping. It’s quite good. I’ve been eating it for months now, and still haven’t gotten tired of it. My stir-fries consist of Tofu Shiritaki noodles, zucchini ribbons, veggies, and occasionally some form of protein like a veggie patty or turkey patty. Then I have a quick sauce I put together with almond butter, soy sauce, sesame oil, lime juice, honey and sriracha. I’m rather proud of this dish since I came up with it myself and it is DELICIOUS, and totally satisfies my craving for lo mein/pad thai.
Don’t be sad. Even if you still have a ways to go, you’ve still come a long ways! It definitely takes times to make peace with food, but as long as you keep working on it (and I know you are!), it will come 🙂
Ugh, the tragedy of the “imperfect meal”. I still struggle with it a bit, but I’m so sick of food being a ritual! Kudos on letting go of that need for perfection I am definitely striving for that!
It’ll come with time, I think 🙂 I struggled with it for a long time, but eventually you kind of just find things that are more important than meal times… And the healthier your body becomes, the less your mind will obsess over food and let you move on to other things.
oh yes m’am! throw an egg on anything and I;ll call it dinner. hehe. love it. food is fuel. that is it. We are lucky to have taste buds, so why waste them? is it just me or does our society focus more on food that people and civilization? I’ve fallen into that trap before.
I used to put food on a pedestal and it would throw off my whole day if I didn’t get to eat my meal exactly how I wanted it! Now, I just throw things together and realize that food is there to nourish me… not Lord over me!
Ugh, the food pedestal. I was definitely there at one time. And the counting down the minutes until the next meal – it was kind of sad. I remember a lot of undergrad classes consisted of me staring at the clock and willing it to go faster so I could get to my “designated” meal time.
And I think that’s the best way to go about it – while I try to make nice dinners for the boy and I and actually sit and relax to eat them (while watching TV most of the time, but I digress), most of the time I’m perfectly happy to throw something easy together for breakfast and lunch.
Great post! I take like 5-10 minutes tops putting together food and I’m such a fast eater it’s gone in no time. Of course, it’s always fun to enjoy a nicer meal at times! A balance of both is my kind of style 😉
I am loving your “random” dinner. Sometimes the best eats are those that occur out of nowhere. Nothing wrong with a little randomness in the food world! It keeps things new and fresh :).
This question actually struck me so hard, I’m not going to answer it. Suffice it to say that life is MUCH better now. 😉
Love you and thank you for your wisdom. <3
I 100% agree with you – but it’s so much easier said than done! I’m so, so envious of you – I wish I had that same free, careless attitude towards eating, but for some crazy odd reason I can never seem to get 100% rid of thoughts about food that always lie at the back of my mind .. Does it come with time??
It’s definitely easier said than done – it took me years to get to where I am now, and there’s still probably some things left to work on. So yeah, it comes with time and a little bit of work 🙂
THIS POST WAS AMAZING and so true. Sometimes I find myself getting caught up in dragging out meals because I’m bored…like I have nothing else to do, so I eat SUPER slow and relish every second. But then there’s times when I shovel it down like I’m in a hotdog eating contest haha Like you said, I think it’s about finding your own individual “normal” and not trying to conform to one way of living.
“it’s not like it’s the end of the world and that’s the last meal you’ll ever eat… there’s always tomorrow” <— LOVEEEEE. There IS always tomorrow, and man, tomorrow always seems to turn out beautiful 🙂
Have a great night Amanda! (and thanks for all the support on my last post! <3)
I like how you wrapped this post up using the end of the world theme! 😀 And you know, you’re right. The best thing about not suffering from an ED (whether you’re 100% recovered or pretty much there – like I consider myself to be) is that food is no longer put on a pedestal. Sounds simple, but it really means that you get to live life in such a different way. I too used to have a crazy, rigid food schedule so that I could try to manage my hunger as best I could, and I always obsessed over the food I ate so that it would be enough to satisfy my hunger, but also fit that certain caloric quota. So stressful, so difficult and exhausting, yet I did it day in and day out for almost 5 years.
Now… I’m hungry: I eat. I’m feeling snacky: I reach for a snack. I ate a huge meal but still feel like something sweet: I eat a dessert. While every once in a while I’ll feel that twinge of guilt creep up because I think maybe I ate too much for the level of activity I had that day, the thoughts quickly dissipate because it’s no longer a part of my life to live it adhering to some wacky, illogical, exhausting schedule.
I’m with you on the “live to eat” and “eat to live” thing. Both sound right to me, and I think it’s pretty balanced. Cause food is just so good, but not enough to solely live for
On another note, I need cream cheese and jelly sandwiches in my life. One of my favorites.
I’m so guilty of putting food on pedestal. I would skip events, plans, parties, ect, just to accomodate my eating schedule. I would skip out on LIFE to EAT! Now, this sounds so silly to me, but back then, it was completely rational. It’s just food. Sometimes, I do have to remind myself to stop the obsession or that I’ll eat again, and I always feel better when I put food back in it’s rightful place.