Hi friends! Happy Thur Friday! 😀
Miss one day of posting and my whole concept of time is thrown way off. Eesh. But I was just in no state to post yesterday… Any time I’d sit down at the computer and try to write, I’d only end up frustrated because no words would come. None. My thoughts were muddled. I was tired. I was cranky. It was just a bad day overall, and I think I know why…
… I was out of cantaloupe…
… which would explain why today has been so much better…
I restocked 😀
In all seriousness, though, I’m pretty sure I know why I had such a bad day yesterday; and although it had nothing to do with cantaloupe, it did have something to do with food… or rather, the lack of it…
My guess is that I was simply hungry…
And I say “guess” because I didn’t exactly feel overtly hungry – there was no rumbling stomach or hunger pangs… not even feelings of weakness or fatigue. I mean, I wasn’t exactly bouncing off the walls, but I wasn’t ready to pass out from exhaustion either.
Rather, what I was experiencing was a general feeling of “off-ness”. Irritability. Slight hyperactivity. An inability to concentrate. Minor stomach complaints… Nothing good…
… this, on the other hand, was very good… Baked Apple Pie Oatmeal. It was a stormy night and a dreary day, so it felt comforting to fire up the oven and cozy up in a warm kitchen.
Hunger is a funny thing that shows itself in a variety of ways… one time my stomach will be growling, and the next time I’ll be growling at everyone I see. So, although I always do my best to honor my hunger, the problem is that I don’t always recognize it for what it is; and I think part of that has to do with the fact that it’s hard for me to believe that I might actually need to eat more than I already do…
See, I eat a lot, which is fine – I’ve reconciled myself with the fact that I eat like a horse… But the idea that it might not be enough is extremely difficult to grasp, especially because I’m not exactly running marathons or training for hours a day, so how could I possibly need even more?
And here’s where the back-and-forth begins…
Maybe I don’t. Maybe I nibble from boredom. Maybe my symptoms aren’t those of hunger – maybe it’s something else… But then why do I always seem to feel better after a meal or a snack? Why do my symptoms temporarily clear up? If it’s not hunger, then why am I only able to focus on things other than food after I feel satisfied with what I ate?
Actually, that’s one of the more reliable symptoms of my hunger. When I’m hungry, I can’t think about anything other than food, and I’m not really interested in doing anything other than eating…
Parfait made with blueberries, chia goo, and maple sweetened Greek yogurt.
A few of the other, more come-and-go, signs that I’ve noticed are:
- Increased irritability and moodiness
- Inability to concentrate or focus
- Increased anxiety and hyperactivity
- Inability to relax or sleep
- Feeling heavy and fatigued
- Headaches and vertigo
- Digestive complaints
… and experiencing any of those makes me think that I should grab something extra to eat; but at the same time, it’s hard for me to believe that I actually need it, especially when I start thinking about food a mere hour after I finished a big meal… it’s like “how can I already be hungry again?“
Gah! So frustrating. But I’m still learning, and trying to let it sink in.
What I do know is that I hate feeling that way, and that I’d do anything to fix/prevent it. But what I don’t know is if more food is the right answer. I guess the only way to find out is to eat more and see if it helps; and I already know that it will… I’m just still having a hard time believing it.
. – . – . – .
Can anyone relate? Some advice? Please tell me I’m not some sort of freak of nature 😆
I know how you feel! I am striving to find when I’m hungry too! I used to eat ALL day, but now I’m realizing that I was never hungry when I ate — I just ate to eat. So now, I’m really focusing on what my body is saying — eating when IT says it’s hungry.
Hi Amanda!
If you don’t mind, as a fellow reader, I’d just like to add a few of my own observations. I’ve been there. I can absolutely relate to what you are experiencing. So, as others have mentioned, I think the reason so many ‘healthy food bloggers’ struggle with the ‘full but not mentally full’ feelings, is the high amount of fiber that is being eaten; all day, every day. Veggies, fruit, oatmeal, etc. While they are needed, and do offer substantial satiety and nutrients, for a recovering eating disorder, they are ‘filler.’ For example, back in the day, I would fill-up on water-loaded vegetables and a plain salad for dinner (my only meal of the day) and somehow, it kept me full until the next morning. Yikes! Yet, afterward, I would chew gum all night, while thinking of food, feeling irritable, etc. But…no hunger or rumbling tummy.
Anyways, fast-forward years later, my lovely nutritionist, whom I trusted my life with, always praised the value of fun foods. Foods that trigger a feel-good emotion; youth, comfort, friends or family, holiday, etc. When I was on a high-calorie meal plan, I was encouraged to eat 2 fun foods a day (dessert not included!) but my point is, throughout my weight restoration journey, fun foods were always welcomed, and celebrated.
I’m not saying this will be a cure-all, ‘just eat a fun food everyday!’ but I really think the addition of more variety, less fiber/more density, and perhaps some meals outside of the comfort of your own kitchen…would put your mind at ease.Try going to a bakery for a muffin! You love muffins, right? Or, meeting a friend for dinner at a new restaurant. What about a Sunday brunch? I love brunch; a perfect time to catch up with friends at a leisurely pace before a full week of activities/work. You can still order something safe (or not!) but most times, especially as a recovering anorexic, food is really is more about the mental and emotional state, than the physical state. Also, as a side note, when I go out, I like to order what I would never make at home myself. Salads for always delicious, but…why not try something new, or enjoyable?
Just some food for thought. Wishing you all the best, and I look forward to reading more.
Best,
Alexa
Amanda, I honestly don’t think you ”eat like a horse”! Maybe you do eat often, but from your posts/pictures it seems that your portions are very little, besides being on a lighter side. So maybe you actually just aren’t eating enough (calorie-wise) and that’s why you’re hungry so often …
Just please keep in mind that a big portion of what I eat never makes it onto the blog, especially since I never post my night time snacks, and I plate my meals for visual appeal when I’m taking pictures, not to accurately represent what I eat 🙂
Oh, I definitely didn’t mean to ”accuse” you of eating too little, I just thought you might want to reconsider it as a possibility. 😉
I’ve gotten in the bad habit of convincing myself that I’m not hungry when I think about food and that I’m just bored. Unfortunately this makes me act like a total irritable jerk, which then leads me on a darker path and makes me feel even worse about myself.
It’s really a vicious cycle, and I wish it would stop.
I’m sorry you aren’t feeling 100%. I usually blame irritability and moodiness, inability to concentrate or focus, feeling heavy and fatigued, headaches, and digestive complaints on hormones. I guess it’s sort of the same yet completely different for everyone.
I can relate. There I often dont feel *hungry* but if I’m not careful about eating enough, I’ll get really irritable and anxious. It used to be bad enough that I would get really shaky, mean and panicky when I was a teenager if my blood sugar was too low.
Beautiful Amanda,
you are amazing for being so determined to treat your body the best way possible, even though that means your mind must go through anxiety. Know that I am beyond proud of you for all the steps you’ve taken in recovery, and how you continue to protect your precious health.
As other people have mentioned, eating ” a lot” can at times be a subjective and mental feeling, not necessarily grounded in reality when considering how much your body actually needs. It is extremely difficult to know how much to eat after all these years with restricting, but do not loose hope because you are so well on your way. I know you and your body will reach a peaceful state soon.
I have never shared your opinion of that you eat a lot, to be quite honest ( though I am no expert ). If you compared your meals with mine, which we are not actually supposed to do!, you would find that you don’t eat a lot at all. The same goes with the way I ate before I got sick too. There have been times where I’ve been concerned with especially lunches and dinners, as these seem a bit on the light side when considering how active you are. There is a lot of fruits and veggies in your diet, which is positive, but perhaps you should listen to those who encourage you to try cutting down on it and replace them with more substantial food. Not stop eating it of course, but just eat more calorie- dense food. Cheese, full- fat yoghurts, bread, pasta . . .
Something that works for me is to eat more carbs and fat, and less protein as I find that the latter simply lack the ability to satisfy my body. At times food high in protein, such as yoghurt, can actually leave me feeling even more hungry if not combined with carbs and fat. Your body might simply be one of those who need quite the amount of calorie- dense food to maintain a healthy weight and mind, no shame in that.
Stay strong, my friend. Hope you don’t find my concerns offensive. You know I love you and care deeply about you. What I want for you is nothing but the best.
<3
Hi –
One thing I noticed about your meals (please know I love what you eat and think you do a great job of eating often and well) is that they are very much the same all of the time. Maybe your body is craving variety? I also noticed that when I increased carbs at all of my meals I felt better-sometimes my hunger means for me that I need more variety and more dense foods as opposed to more food….
I thought maybe I was just getting bored with my eats too, but when I tried eating something different, it just seemed like I was even less satisfied. So frustrating.
I used to have a simlar problem and I realized that my hunger wasn’t really hunger but problems with my digestive system. After seeing a number of doctors and homeopaths I think my problems have cleared up and my appetite is back to normal. Or less than normal even. But who really knows what normal is anymore??
thank you for being freaking amazing and awesome!
I have trouble recognizing hunger sometimes too. It can be frustrating, when your like ” I just an elephant two hours ago, how on earth could I be hungry!?”
For me, it varies by day. Somedays I have absolutely no appetite at all and I have to remind myself that I should probably eat something. Others, all I can think about is food and eating because I’m sooo hungry! It sucks with work and stuff, because I’ll pack an average-sized lunch and by the time I get home I’m starving.
My husband gets so moody when he’s hungry!! So when we are out running around all day I always pack snacks and get nuts in my car to avoid hunger moods!
I know exactly what you mean. Determining if I’m truly hungry or not is extremely hard for me. Like evening snacks: I just had dinner, am I really hungry again? Do I really need more, or am I just bored? So HARD.
A good way to deal with this (that I should use more often!) is when you think you’re hungry, try journaling for a while. Are you mostly writing about food, etc, or are you writing about how angry you are that you didn’t get the job you wanted, or how sad you are that your cat died, etc… It might help you figure out if you’re eating emotionally or out of true physical hunger.
Sounds to me like you truly are hungry. Have you been lifting more lately, or eating less dense foods? Sometimes are bodies are just off and need more food. You don’t need to be running a marathon to need to eat more 😉
I’m thinking it’s probably real hunger as well, especially because I’ve never really been an emotional eater. I did start lifting a bit more lately, which would probably explain it… so I’m just going to go with eating more and stop thinking about it so much.
I can totally relate! Some days I’m a hungry beast and eat everything is sight and other times I am not hungry at all. I get freaked out about both circumstances, because I’m always afraid I undereat with my exersize schedule, but sometimes I have the feeling I eat too much for my daily activities. I think listening to your hunger is the only right thing to do. (I wish I could speak in Dutch to you, because then I can explain much, much more) I experience multiple types of hunger, like; growling stomach (usually the case), being lightheaded, getting grumpy, stomach pains, distraction, getting shaky and some other signs. Don’t worry about eating so much, because A; youre diet is the most healthy as can be and B; you probably need it!
I wish I had the answer to your questions, but this is all I can say!
Oh you are soo not alone! I suffer from the exact same thing! I can have eaten a big meal 2hrs before and be irritable 2hours later, but not hungry as such – yet food can make me feel better. Then another day, I could go 5hrs and be fine and chipper! The lack of consistency in my hunger signals always throws me off..like if a meal kept kept me full for 3hours one day, why is it only working for 1.5hours today? Confusing. I wish I had the answers – let me know if you get anything super useful said!
you my dear are not a freak of nature. Everyones hunger signals are totally different and what you experience one day, you may not another. its odd I sometimes get a really bad headache and my eyes hurt yet my stomach isnt growling but as soon as i eat i feel better. Its so odd.
But if your symptoms disappear after eating just keep nourishing your body as and when it wants it, even if its more regular than usual, it could just mean you are being more active, without realizing.
P.s baked apple oatmeal is so good right.
Have a wonderful day, love Jess. xx
First of all, I think it is so great that you even allow yourself to think that the problem might be that you eat too little. Its no secret that Im not in tune with my hunger signals, and I always waint until my tummy REALLY tells me to eat. But, as you say, cranky-ness, sadness, low energy, cravings etc are also strong hunger-signals! Im working on eating even when Im not complitely empty in my tummy!
I hope you figure things out soon Amanda! And Im sure you will- no one is better at hunger-honoring than you!! 😉
Hugs
Girl, I’m right there with ya! I need food or else I become a different person. I can’t concentrate on anything and all I can think about is what I want to eat. But still…sometimes I can’t help but deny my hunger. I feel the hungry, but I disregard it as wanting to eat from boredom. And sometimes I’m hungry because I lack water. So i guess I’m still experimenting as well 🙂
I think if your feeling hungry, eating and not gaining weight, then you must be doing something right! It really does sound like you have a pretty good handle on your bodies signals, and FYI, I find you a total inspiration in terms of seeing how much you eat, its actually really been helping me to get a better handle on my own eating 🙂
I know it’s much more easier said than done, but if you truely think that it’s hunger and not just a random feeling or just being bored than you should just listen to your body and give it the nutrition it needs. Sometimes your body feels like it needs more fuel and that’s okay. sometimes it gets tired of a certain amount and doesn’t think that it’s enough. Try eating an extra snack or having a little more at meals and then see how you feel after 🙂
I can relate too, sometimes I will often feel hungry an hour or so after a meal and other days I will not feel hungry at all. I guess it is challenging to listen to my body. My dietican told me that it can take up to two years for your body to be able to regonise hunger signals again.
thanks for being so honest and sharing about this! i think that the reason that most health bloggers can relate to this is because we are all very acutely aware of our hunger and even begin to question it sometime. but really, it sounds like you know what you should do – my mantra is “go with your gut” – figuratively and literally. you know how your mood/emotional life is being affected, and you seem to know how to remedy that too. i know for myself personally, the last thing i want is for food to get in the way of emotional and mental health, which is probably the most precious thing to me right now. i know it’s hard when you think there is a certain amount you should be eating or cannot wrap your head around the amount of food your body may require, but if you step back for a second, maybe it would be good to ask yourself if it’s worth the mental effort/dilemma thinking about the hunger, and just eating. what most people said about lifting weights is probably true – because i know whenever i do strength-training i am definitely hungrier. and for myself, ive come to a point where i realize i do not want food or hunger to get in the way of my living life – if it means i’m going to be a bit heavier but can actually be happy and social all the time, then so be it!
Thank you for this, girl. Sometimes I need to remember how much life sucks when a lack of food gets in the way, and if I think that might be the case, then I shouldn’t spend so much time deliberating and just do it. Love you <3
I’m in the same boat, I’m hungry an hour aftersome meals, & can only think of food.
I know for myself that I need to increase my intake, and include more fats in my diet.
Hunger is such a strange feeling! Sometimes I can go through the whole day without feeling it, other days I am hungry an hour after eating a huge bowl of oatmeal with so many toppings that it feels like eating 2000 calories in one sitting! I have no problem with eating 2000 calories at all, but I wouldn´t mind if it left me full for at least 3 hours… I experience a lot of those feelings you described, irritability, tiredness, moodiness, slight hyperactivity…I don´t like these feelings, but it is sometimes really hard to distinguish between feelings related to hunger and those related to something else. I just try to eat regulary and if I experience any strange symptoms, I try to stop for a while and remember what my day was like, what was I doing and thinking and try to find some clues to my current state of mind..
I can totally relate! I seem to be unable to understand that yes, my body does know better than I do what I need! Simple concept, but listening to it can be so so hard :/ We will get there though 🙂
I know EXACTLY what you mean. Back in the day when I was running 20 plus miles a week and eating NOT near enough, I would feel awful. I wouldn’t always feel hunger pains persay but I felt just blah.. and I was SO grumpy. And the grumpiness still holds true. If I’m hungry and you are between me and my food, watch out!!!
I can DEFINITELY relate to this! It happens to me most days. Sometimes I simply can’t believe I eat that much food and still manage to be hungry after about 50 minutes of having lunch! Having a good breakfast has definitely helped; getting a big amount of calories at breakfast somehow helps me stay satisfied!
I react the same way when I’m hungry! Honestly, i get sooooo lethargic and moody. So, as a result, I’ve learned to really plan out my eating – snacking throughout the day, etc. It’s taken a while to perfect though!
Wow this sounds like me! Hah. Always making sure I get abgood breakfas helps witht he issue. If I go run or workout in the morning I have 2 breakfasts. One pre workout and one after! I sometimes worry that I’m not really hungry and just eating cause I’m bored anf giving myself too much though, especially when I’m alone. When I get hungry I just feel awful though. My head pounds, I feel dizzy, weak and irritable. When I get like that I can tell that I need a snack! Like ASAP 🙂
I am so glad you posted about this, and from the comments it seems as though so many people can relate too! One problem I have is that I ADORE fruits and veggies, which are of course great, but sometimes I fill up on them but then get hungry again pretty soon. I always go by the “rule” of eating when I am hungry, but sometimes I know I need to eat even before/ or if I don’t get exact hunger pains. Maybe try playing around with the types of food you eat, some people need more grains or protein, adding more beans, pastas, or rice to meals. Also nuts are great since they pack a big punch, if I ever get to too hungry I eat a handful of nuts while prepping my meal, I used to turn to fruit to do that but realized that the nuts were giving me more “value” for the same amount of time/size and held me over longer. I think as long as you continue to be aware of your body, which it seems like you are pro at, and play around with foods, times, amounts, you will find your balance that works for YOU – no matter how much more or less it is then another person.
It’s like you read my mind!!!!! I feel like I never stop eating, yet I get those same symptoms. For instance, today I never once felt stomache-grumbly hungry, yet I couldn’t stop eating! I wasn’t bored at all, but I was either grumpy or could not stop thinking about food. Ugh, it’s so frustrating!
The second-guessing your hunger that you have is something I can completely relate with! I hate not feeling the tell-tale stomach rumblings, but still knowing that I am hungry and do need nutrients and energy, because those rumblings reassure me that it’s okay to have a snack or a meal soon after I already had eaten. I admire you for honoring your hunger though – something I am still working on as well!
If you find yourself feeling hungry a lot, chances are that it’s genuine hunger, which is so, so, SO normal in a body that’s been deprived. But! Perhaps mixing up your days in unexpected ways – catching up with a friend you haven’t seen in a while, trying a new workout class, checking out some new places to shop on your errands, going out with some girlfriends when your first instinct is to stay in – maybe these things will help to fill you up in ways that are less tangible. Sometimes, I feel the way you do, and a combination of eating more, eating in varied ways, and seeking adventure help me to feel peaceful again.
i totally second what evan said – trying to get out and maybe even eating out might help you fill your hunger in varying ways!
Absolutely relate. My stomach isn’t usually too “hungry” when I’m hungry. I start getting the symptoms you listed above… faintness, irritability, light headed. It’s not fun.
I can totally relate to this. I always get this fear that I’m not really hungry, I just want to eat. But why would I want to eat if I’m not hungry? Luckily I’ve gotten better. A lot of times I feel like I’m supposed to be hungry at certain times of day, but I’m really trying to let go of that and just eat when my body tells me it’s ready. It’s definitely weird when you have those days when all you want to do is eat, but there are also (less frequent) days when you don’t feel like eating at all. I have come to the conclusion that they just balance. Yesterday I ate dinner at 4:30, and I was so glad I didn’t force myself to wait because I would have become a nasty little *insert word of choice here*. I feel soooo much better and have way more energy this way, but my body hasn’t changed in any negative way… trusting yourself is hard, but so worth it and I think we all struggle with it!
I am glad you can understand what is going on at least.
Happy weekend love : )
I know I have probably said this before but your photos are ALWAYS amazing, I need your skills! What camera and lens do you have? I just am always in love with the photos, makes me want to eat your parfait you have here through the screen! lol!
Hunger is such a little devil : ) I just try to always listen to my body, sometimes I am hungrier on days I work out hard, less other days, when pms, I am a hungry hippo, lol! I hope you figure it out, and I know you will : ) us bloggers can give you beautiful advice but you will figure out what to do and what your body is saying : )
Love you!!!
I can definitely relate — it’s like a feeling of being unsatisfied (with what you’ve eaten) and you have some craving you can’t pinpoint because you just think about food, food, food. For me, this happens when I ate less than I probably should have for the few days before the day I feel like this.
And judging from the food you eat, it seems like it’s mainly fruits and veggies and some protein in the morning, but almost no carbs like bread or an actual pizza crust… So maybe if you added a complex carb to one of your meals you’d feel more satisfied? Good luck!!!
I know what ya mean. Sometimes its hard to tell if I’m hungry or just bored. And its weird….because anytime I don’t feel well, eating something automatically makes me feel better….even if I just ate a little earlier! Its crazy how are bodies work….but I think if we just try to listen to them as best we can and “honor” them as you said, then every thing will turn out okay! Nobodies perfect and our bodies don’t expect us to be.