Knowledge is a beautiful and terrible thing. While enriching our lives and opening us up to all of the wonderful things that our world has to offer, it also robs us of our [sometimes] blissful state of ignorance and innocence. The things we learn can never be unlearned, and each piece of information that we pick up shifts our lives in some way, even if it’s only ever so slightly. Knowledge is powerful stuff.
But knowledge itself is neither good nor bad – it simply is. We can learn things that make us happy and learn things that make us sad, but at the end of the day, facts are facts – it’s how we interpret and react to those facts that makes all the difference…
Before my eating disorder, I was more-or-less ignorant to the majority of things relating to health and nutrition. I had a vague awareness of the fact that I should eat my veggies and exercise on a regular basis, but most of what I knew was what was being touted by popular media – and we all know the high quality of that information. Nevertheless, I was happy and relatively healthy. Ironically, it wasn’t until I became more interested in learning about health that my own health began to decline. Go figure.
I don’t want to go into too much detail here since I’ve already shared most of this in my story, but the CliffsNotes version is that all my hours of research eventually led me to raw veganism, and I became obsessed by the seemingly miraculous health benefits that it offered. I followed a 100% raw vegan for about 8 months, and that was pretty much the beginning of the end…
Long story short, the diet did me no good. It was during my time as a raw vegan that I believe my eating disorder really took flight because it was during that time that I learned to fear food. Anything that wasn’t 100% raw was toxic to my body and harming me in ways that I wasn’t even aware of. Or that’s what I believed back then anyways…
Now, I’m certainly not trying to attack raw foods here. I think they’re wonderful and an essential part of any healthy diet, but I wanted to show you an example of a situation where a seemingly good thing that I learned did me a lot more harm than good, simply because my mind was in a bad place and used that knowledge in a bad way. I used to wish that I could go back to the days where I was ignorant of all things related to calories and micronutrients, but like I said… you can’t unlearn what you already know. You can change how you feel about it, though.
When I started getting more serious about recovery, one of the first things I did was cut myself off from all of my sources of information about raw foods. No more forums; no more books; no more websites. Cold turkey. They were far too triggering and I wasn’t strong enough to resist the temptation to return to habits that were doing me a considerable amount of harm and preventing me from moving forward. I needed that distance to start seeing things objectively, and over time, raw veganism began to lose it’s appeal.
So why am I bringing all of this up? Well, a big portion of my studies with IIN involves exploring different dietary theories, and as luck would have it, one of the first ones we looked at was raw veganism. Womp, womp. Up until this point, I’ve more or less approached any mention of raw foodism with an “in one ear and out the other” mentality, but it’s a little different when you actually have to retain some of what you learn. So I sat there listening to people talk about the miracles of raw foods, and found myself thinking “hmm… maybe I need to try juicing, or sprouting, or un-cooking, or…” you get the idea. I found myself being serenaded, yet again, by the sweet siren song of raw veganism and the health benefits that it promised.
Thankfully, past experience has taught me otherwise, and aside from that initial thought of “heyyyy, maybe I should…” I have no real desire to ever get back into that kind of lifestyle. That’s not to say that it’s a bad one, or that it doesn’t work for some people, but it doesn’t work for me – and that little bit of knowledge is what keeps me on the straight and narrow.
I love learning about health and nutrition, and I love experimenting with my own diet and tweaking it based on what I learn, but at the end of the day I need to remember that not everything I learn necessarily applies to me, and that I need to follow my own food rules if I want to feel my best. It’s good to be open to new concepts and ideas, but incredibly important to be secure in your own beliefs – otherwise it’s far too easy to get lost with all the information out there.
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No questions today, but I’d love to hear your thoughts or personal experiences!
(And happy Friday!)
“The things we learn can never be unlearned, and each piece of information that we pick up shifts our lives in some way, even if it’s only ever so slightly. Knowledge is powerful stuff.” <- I couldn't have said it better myself! I think most eating disorders or disordering eating behaviors stem from this. We learn a few things about nutrition and then we want to know more out of curiosity, but then, the more we learn, the more that curiosity turns to obsession until you reach a point were you know so much that you start to doubt your own judgement for choosing to eat foods you once loved…or at least that was the case for me. Oh how I wish I could just go back to my time of ignorance…because even now, even after getting this far in my journey with healing my relationship with food, some things still come up every once in a while that cause me to hesitate. Honestly, that's the main reason I've chosen not to read certain health articles and I did a pretty big overhaul on my Instagram following once I stopped calorie counting. I hope that one day I'll be able to see things like that and not start to wonder "what if?", but for now, I just need more time away before I can feel totally unaffected by it.
Oh believe me, girl, I completely understand the need to take a step back. I went through the same exact thing, but I can promise you that it IS possible, not necessarily to unlearn things, but to just stop caring. There used to be so many things that I found triggering, but the more time that went on, and the more secure I became in my own beliefs, the easier it was to stay indifferent to outside influence. You’ll get there too!
I have to admit, I’ve been lured in to the raw veganism thing, mostly from the millions of Instagram accounts promoting it’s benefits. With my past history of restriction and current tendency to overdo it with obsessing over every last ingredient, I need to do more research before I end up trying raw veganism, but I think I’d go more towards the route of allowing more plant based raw fats so I don’t feel deprived. However, I don’t think it works for everyone but I’d like to at least try it. Annnnd in the other direction, I love how veganism’s worked for me, but I’ve been considering adding in eggs just for added protein and nutrients. I think nutrition is such a learning process, so we’ll see where my research takes me!
Your title says it all.
This is a big thing for me too since I am currently minoring in nutrition, and am constantly bombarded with the “standard” medical-based nutrition views that are taught in classes, some of which I don’t necessarily agree with. On top of that, there is of course all the information coming form social media, etc. While I enjoy learning from all these sources, It is definitely important to stick to what works for you while doing so.
The points you bring up in this post are really interesting and can be applied at a higher level too, above food and one’s way of viewing it. My favorite quote of yours is “you can’t unlearn what you already know.” Throughout my entire childhood I never knew what a calorie was, nor did I understand nutritional value of certain foods. I was definitely a lover of junk food in every sense possible but never thought anything of it until I got to college and decided to revamp my eating style. Looking back, I obviously wish I kept my ignorance, but in many ways it was a blessing in disguise. I streamlined towards more wholesome foods and haven’t looked back since. Anyway, this has kind of turned into a random stream of thought so I’ll stop now 🙂 Great post! Really got me thinking.
You have incredible self-awareness, Amanda! It’s not an easy thing to sit back and be conscious of your own thoughts, let alone analyze them. It is very easy to be influenced by information, especially when it’s relatively founded. But you are right…raw veganism is not for everyone (myself, included). Good for you for realizing this, too.
I swear, this sounds so much like me, it’s almost scary! This is exactly how my eating disorder started getting really bad. I was always too thin from the age of 19-23 and basically ate very low calorie foods, even though I wasn’t obsessed with eating raw or cooked foods. Then, I too, became romanced by the purity and beauty of the raw food diet. I still to this day think it is the most beautiful, natural way to eat and I’ll always feel this way. The truth is, most raw foods DO NOT agree with me. The exceptions are smoothies, some veggies, but no fruits- period. I also couldn’t tolerate all the nuts and seed dishes either. I adore juicing and still do it on occasion, but I know now that my body wasn’t made for a raw food diet and no matter how much I love the idea of it, the reality is much different.
I completely agree with you about the innocence thing. I’m grateful to be so knowledgeable about food, health and such. I’ve been able to help myself and others through this gift, but I do miss the days when food wasn’t labeled good or bad. Now, I eat more around my mood and digestion than I do anything else, and that’s what keeps me happy- not abiding by a food “religion”.
Great post as always Amanda:) So glad someone else out there suffered and overcame this same thing! More of us need to speak out about it so other girls don’t fall for this same prey.
It -is- a really beautiful way to eat, but I honestly don’t believe that we were made to eat that way. The thing that scares me about raw veganism is the fact that the diet/lifestyle seems to have an almost cult-like following… and those people push it as being a miracle diet, while most people who try it for a prolonged period of time usually end up paying with their health. I don’t know. I don’t think we need to go that extreme to be healthy.
Learning all about different diets it seems that each one has health benefits so I think it’s important to filter them out and tweak them to suit your needs and lifestyle and also play around with different ones until you figure out what makes you the feel the best 🙂
I think blogging has had a lot to do with my food journey. For the longest time I fell into the trap of trying to do what I saw everyone else doing, but it just drove me crazy! Now I’m much more relaxed about what I eat, and I’m WAY happier that way!
“It’s good to be open to new concepts and ideas, but incredibly important to be secure in your own beliefs – otherwise it’s far too easy to get lost with all the information out there.” – Amazingly said.
It is so incredibly easy to get wrapped up in what everyone else is doing and what they may be doing can seem so incredibly healthy or right…but in the end it’s important for us to remember what is truly good for us. Love where you’re coming from Amanda!!
Amanda, you are a great writer!! This post is so very true…it’s something we don’t think about. We’re exposed to so many things today with the media. Both good and bad. I’d love to go back to the time when I didn’t worry about what I ate when I was in high school and junior high, but I’m also thankful I’ve become educated on how what I eat impacts my body. But then you get pulled into believing things that could potentially be harmful to you and unhealthy. Like what you shared with us. Thank you for your honesty and just being so very real.
I can relate to this post so much! I regret ever going on that diet five years ago which took me from one (minor) extreme to the other. Before it, I was generally healthy, a little overweight, but that was due to too much drinking, bad food choices etc. I wish I didn’t fall into the trap of becoming ‘healthy’ which ironically was perhaps more unhealthy than my old ways.
I find certain blogs out there misrepresent themselves and provide unsolicited advice- something which could be quite detrimental to others who read it. Not only that, but whenever a new ‘trend’ hits the blog world, many jump on board without realising all our bodies are different and function in different ways. What I love about your blog and your posts is that 1. You are real. 2. You don’t portray something you are not. 3. You actually back up what you have to say with experience/education. 4. You will be sending me bananas if Australia goes into a banana recession again.
After demoting me as your favourite spoon, I’m not making any promises about the bananas 😛
Consider the title yours!
I became a vegetarian at an early age because I always hated meat (much to the chagrin of my meat and potatoes eastern European family). I didn’t go vegan until after I started recovering from my eating disorder, and it worked well for me. I didn’t feel deprived and I ate a lot of raw foods but was by no means a purist. Now, I alternate between veganism and lacto-ovo. Whenever I have urges, which is rare, I make sure that I don’t tell myself “You can’t have eggs because they aren’t vegan” if I’m craving them. For me, it works to let myself eat what I want and that’s more important to me than being 100% vegan all the time. I think for those of us in recovery, we have to find our own personal sweet spots.
wow I actually had no idea you were a raw vegan. I can’t even imagine that. So so tough to even think about. But I know that our disorders can take out all rationale in our minds so I am not surprised. I think coming out it is hard because you are redefining all your ‘food rules’ and making them actually sustainable and beneficial.
I’ve been there. Vegan, Raw-Vegan…I fell into the tempting trap of “health” and “weight-loss” and “glowing-skin” and “better digestion” and “happiness” that it promised…
Unfortunately, it left me cold, sunken, thin…hungry. I swore by it for a long time but eventually realized that it just wasn’t for me. Raw foods are amazing, don’t get me wrong, they just can’t make up 100% of my diet. I feel so much better just eating what I want, when I want.
Once, again, thank you for being so open and honest. It’s always so beautiful to see how far you’ve come. <3
You too, lady. I hope you give yourself enough credit for how much you’ve overcome 🙂
It’s so so easy to be sucked in to the latest fad diets or “lifestyles” as they are now called. I have never felt so lost because I really don’t know what to believe anymore. From my years of switching from diet to diet, I’ve done way more harm than good. And like you say, I wish I could erase everything I’ve learned. Like Socrates said, “All that I know is that I know nothing”. Knowledge is power? Maybe. But it sure ain’t happiness.