Hey boos!
Loved reading about all of your quirky habits – it made me feel a lot less crazy. Kidding. Kidding 😉
It seems like everybody has something that they’re pretty particular about when it comes to food, and honestly… I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter that you like to eat with a small spoon? Or that you eat your meals in a certain order?
Nawwww.
Even if those kind of preferences did arise at a time when you struggled with disordered thinking, as long as they’re no longer severe enough to interfere with your daily life, then I’m all for it. You like what you like, and if such simple things can make an experience more enjoyable, then hey… why not? It’s time to quit being so nit-picky and stop labelling every little thing as a problem.
I admit that I can be quite guilty of that myself, but more often than not, the little quirks that I notice don’t worry me because, when I look at the bigger picture, I see that everything is juuuuust fine. Take what happened this morning for example…
I’m sure that you guys know how much I love having my eggy bananafied oats for breakfast. I’ve been adding egg whites to my oats for so long that I couldn’t even remember what oatmeal tasted like without them; until this morning, that is, when I opened the fridge and saw…
No. more. eggs.
And this is exactly why I’m moving out – so people can’t steal my food. Kidding. Kind of.
The point is, no eggs meant no eggy oats, and no eggy oats meant no breakfast 😯
Kidding. Obviously. I wasn’t about to starve myself just because someone (Mom. Dad… I don’t know which one of you it was, but I’m giving you both the stank eye…) was a meanie and took the last egg without telling anyone. So what’s a girl to do when she’s starving and her reason for living getting out of bed in the morning has been unfairly snatched away from her?
Go with the flow and work with what she’s got…
The same, but different.
I cooked my oats as I always do, simply omitting the part where I add in the egg white (le boo 🙁). To make up for the missing protein, I made a frosting by mixing protein powder with almond milk (a la Katie), and poured that over top before going to town with the almond butter and pudding goodness…
Did I enjoy it as much as my regular bowl? No, but it was still good.
Was it the end of the world? No, life went on, as it always does.
Sure, breakfast wasn’t as good as I would have liked it to be, but it was just one meal, and it did the job of satisfying my hunger and letting me go on with my day. Besides, it’s not like I’ll never eat breakfast again (Eee… how horrible would that be?). There’s always tomorrow to have my beloved eggy oats, buttttttt I figured… why wait that long… and cooked up a batch for dinner tonight…
Ahh. My day is complete 😀
Obviously, had the option been available to me, I would have chosen to have my eggy oats at breakfast. That would have been my preference. I like them. I want them. Nothing wrong with that. But if I can’t have them? Then I go with the flow… and that is how I know that I’m recovered – because I’m able to adapt to unplanned circumstances. If something like this would have happened to me when I was in the depths of my eating disorder, you could bet that I would have been in the store buying eggs at 6 AM – there was no way I would have been able to handle such a “life-altering” change in my plans.
But now? Now I roll with the punches.
Another example. The other day, I had just finished eating my pre-workout snack…
[cottage cheese, banana, cinnamon, almond butter protein frosting]
…and was literally lacing up my sneakers so that I could head to the gym and get my workout in, when I got a call from my real estate agent saying that I needed to come in and sign some papers 😯
Could I do it later? No, it needed to be done now. But… but… fiiiiiiiine. Thanks to the joys of dealing with banks and endless amounts of paperwork, I didn’t end up getting my workout in that day, which is something that I would have completely freaked out about in the past. But such is life. Things come up. Plans get changes. Wrenches get thrown. And when that happens, all you can do is…
Go with the flow.
It’s not the end of the world if something doesn’t go the way you planned. There’s always tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. A bad situation can be turned into a good one. A frown turned upside down. You just have to be a little bit flexible and realize that different can still be good, even if it’s not what you originally wanted.
. – . – . – .
How do you handle it when your plans get thrown? Are you a “go with the flow” kind of person? Or do you have a hard time dealing with the changes?
tried pureed (or not) tofu cooked into oats if you are looking for a protein kick! 🙂
This post brings back memories of desperate 3am grocery runs for diet hot chocolate, sugar-free jello, sugar-free syrup, laughing cow cheese and yep, eggs too. 🙂 (Actually though, I was an Egg Beaters-only girl back in those days…Ick.) My disordered thoughts controlled everything I ate, which meant that when I was thrown a curve ball, NOTHING would get in the way of keeping the status quo. I’d go to extremes to get what I “needed” when I “needed” it. Recovering meant letting go of that control. And it was very, very hard. I’d say that I’m able to go with the flow 90% of the time now, which is so freeing and liberating! Living a satisfying life means maintaining the ability to be buoyant…And I find that I’m happiest when I’m riding the waves of life. However there are still times when I’ll drop everything to satisfy those so-called “needs.” The difference now is that these trips don’t result in a fall. 😀
I HATE when something ruins what Im used to. I am such a creature of habit, its pretty bad. I mean if I dont have a banana every day I think I may have a meltdown. My hubby made the mistake of taking the last banana for work and I made sure he picked more up on his way home lol
Hi Amanda,
I have no computer or internet or anything anymore. So my blog reading is rare. But just wanted to ask advice. I had to move into a sharing situation…sharing a kitchen, fridge. I only have 2 small shelves for food and about a 1/4 of a fridge. The downstairs where I sleep (and living room small) is bug-infested. Oye. I have had my breakdowns this past week. Telling myself to suck it up and be thankful and positive. Sharing a kitchen, particularly at this time is real hard. Worse is that there is no TV in the kitchen or nearby and I have no computer for during eating times. I know people say to just eat (no distractions) but that makes me feel crazy or unprodductive. I’d rather watch the news, a silly show, or at least read something on internet.
Sharing a fridge with a another girl with drastic food differences is tough too. Any advice. I’m debating putting in my 60-day notice and trying to move again…but I’m so afraid cause I need to save money. Not sure at this point what to do. I can try to cut back even more on food and and other things to try and afford better place, but worried. I already buy nothing extraneous…all my little cheque does is go to rent, food, car insurance, student loans, phone, gas, etc etc. But either way I’m stuck in this situation for at least 3 months….I feel so overwhelmed and trying to think of this in good way. Any advice or way to relate or similar stories u know of?
Not gonna lie… I HATE “going with the flow.” It drives me crazy not to know what’s happening, and when. But if I’m allowed to have a little temper tantrum about it for a couple of minutes, I usually get over it pretty quickly. It becomes a much bigger problem when someone tries to calm me down… because there are few things worse than being told to calm down!
<3 <3
I used to be really scheduled and have a really hard time breaking free of my “set plan” – but I’ve since gotten over that (for the most part) and actually find that I enjoy just seeing where my day takes me now 🙂
My flatmate stole my pesto yesterday. And I was actually quite ok with it. A couple of years ago that would have driven me mad..
Amanda, you have the best posts EVER.
Haha I’m a MAJOR cranky pants when I can’t have what I want for breakfast. It’s really the only thing that makes me cranky! But don’t get between me and my breakfast! (Oh, I also get cranky if the paper doesn’t get delivered in the morning. I have to read the WSJ!!!)
I am not good with plans when they get changed!
I’m totally a go with the flow kind of person – I certainly have my little quirks and habits, but when something goes awry I just roll with whatever comes my way! 🙂
I always make my oatmeal with protein powder! Without it, I’d be hungry in two minutes 😉
Totally going to try the egg thing tomorrow.
I try and go with the flow, but I do struggle sometimes. It’s not an ED-thing, it’s a Freya-thing – I’ve been like it my whole life. It’s like, a ‘thing’ in my family that Freya Doesn’t Like Change! But I am 1billion times better than I ever used to be, especially over the small things. Life is much easier when one can go with the flow 🙂
You have to go with the flow because it’s life. Life is always changing and it can’t constantly be your way all the time.
Ahhh, that same thing with the workouts happens to me ALL the time! Just as I’m done getting changed something comes up; no fun, but definitely something I can handle. Whenever that happened a year ago, I would beat myself up for it. But no it’s like, no workout? No problem!
I’m not much of a go with the flow kind of girl lol I like my little set routine so when I get thrown out of it I get pretty paranoid. Definitely working on it though 🙂
Must.try.eggy.oats! 😀
I’m still working on going with the flow. I think I’ve gotten much better at it over the past few months. Changes are still challenging though. I like to have things planned out and when they don’t go right, I get anxious and uneasy. I’m definitely still learning and seeing that the world won’t end if this doesn’t happen or I won’t die if that’s different 😀 For example, this morning I was planning on having soy yogurt for breakfast because I wanted something lighter, but I realized I’m craving oats. I went with the flow and made a nice bowl of oats :]
I’m naturally a person who likes routine and structure so going with the flow is something I’ve been working on more recently, and I’m getting much better at it! As you say we can all have our preferences but sometimes you just have to work with what you have!
I rarely have to deal with the hubby taking the last of anything. He knows to keep his hands of certain foods or ask me first if it’s okay to eat. I’m kind of protective. 🙂
I’m awful at going with the flow. Well I’m getting better. It’s a learning process for me. I don’t think I’ll ever be a true go with the flow kind of person. I’ve always always liked things organized and a certain way, even as a kid. Maybe I’ll let it go eventually but it will definitely take some time 😉 .. I’m fine with the exercise now, if I don’t get to workout I just look at it as tomorrow is going to be even better.. or I take a short walk outside.
I used to be AWFUL at going with the flow. Like, awful. I’d ruin someone’s day with my attitude if things didn’t go my way. At my worst, vacations were even bad, because I couldn’t relax – my food was different and I was all discombobulated about it.
Now, I couldn’t care less if things don’t go as planned. A combination of things got me to this point – being dumped by a man I loved (for another woman), my stress fracture, moving back home and getting a real job, the death of a family friend, and acupuncture. Letting go of my compulsions and discipline was the hardest part, but once I did, I felt like a new person. I booked a trip to California and crashed on my Aunt and Uncle’s couch for a week. I took bikram yoga, hot yoga, hatha yoga, I hiked and did pilates – I tried wakeboading! I went out on a Tuesday night just because, and reconnected with some amazing friends from high school. I learned to cook paella on the grill, I dropped $500 on a 5-week class at the Institute of Culinary Education in New York City. And just last week, I booked a trip to London to see a good friend, and we’re spending 5 days driving around the English countryside.
Once I let go of the routine nonsense that used to rule my life, I felt like I started living. As a young 20-something, I feel reborn, as dramatic as that sounds. Here’s to going with the flow!
That’s such a beautiful and inspirational story of growth. I’m sorry that you had to go through so much pain, but it looks like it was a blessing in disguise 🙂
SO many ppl NEED to read this post.
Ahh I hate it when a family member uses up the rest of something in the fridge/pantry without replacing it! One time my dad ate my last banana and I was NOT impressed. 😛 I wish I could say I’m good at going with the flow, but I’m really not. It definitely causes me problems sometimes, so I’m working at being more flexible.
Awesome post! I ususally go with the flow with most parts of my life, but there somethings where I have to feel like I have to have more control.
Eeee it’s so lovely to hear how you’re so free now to just live life each and everyday no matter what happens. You should be so so proud of yourself and you’re such an inspiration, you really are 🙂
As for me, I’m still working on going with the flow. I admit, I still like my routine, but I think most humans have a routine that they’re comfortable with so I don’t see it as a huge problem. University life has definitely challenged me to new circumstances and forced me out of my comfort zone and whilst it has been hard at times, I’ve done it and nothing bad happened – I didn’t suddenly get overweight, I didn’t die, the world didn’t end…life carried on! I know that back in my dark ED days I wouldn’t have been able to cope with that. If anyone touched my precious food I would freak out, if the supermarket didn’t have the certain food product that I needed and felt safe with I’d freak out, if I wasn’t allowed to go out and walk for x amount because my family were taking me somewhere I would freak out, just anything that my ED didn’t like – I would totally freak out and it would feel like my entire day was ruined because of one change. It was so silly!
Silly is right. I would literally drive all over the city if one store didn’t have something I wanted. Talk about a waste of time and life…
mostly I am fairly organised and like to plan my time but I know life doesn’t go that way their is always bumps along the road and when these bumps appear I will go with the flow and if I’ve ran out of my something that I have planned toe at I will un plan it the same with exercise. When I was deep in my ed I would completely freak to the point of nearly crying if the supermarket didn’t have what I was having and their was no way in hell I would miss my workout for the day I woulds have to do it. I’m so glad my life is no longer like that and I can be more fluid.
Your photos are gorgeous and those oats look delicious! I can see why you eat them every day. (You do, right?) 😉
My reaction to changes depends on what they’re about. I don’t plan much in the first place, to be honest, let alone my eats or workout. I do hate it if plans of going somewhere get thrown, though!
Haha! Guilty as charged. I do eat them like 5 days out of 7, yeah 😀
This post made me really happy, so proud of you Amanda 🙂
We can not control every single aspect of life, what we need to do is to learn how to adopt to new or unexpected circumstances. I have definetely come a long way since the days where ED controlled me. Life get’s so much easier and fun when you don’t have to deal with a brain that goes woooop when there is change in the air!
It is as you say, “just” to go with the flow, to realize that you will survive without a work- out or a specific food. There is allways a new day, a new meal.
Love you dear – sorry for being so absent!
<3
<3 <3 Been missing you. Hope that you're doing okay.
Wow I used to be the same- God forbid someone ate my last banana! Fortunately I’m much more able to go with the flow now. LIke you said, it’s just one meal!!
whoops wrong post!
unfortunately, i feel like attempting to ‘go with the flow’ for me, so early into recovery, has been a bit disastrous as going too far from my comfort zone leads to ED behaviours. right now, working things through, i have to stick with the meal plan i’ve got and do what i’ve found to work- soon I’m hoping to get to the stage where I can so easily go with the flow, though. (:
It takes time for sure, and I definitely agree that pushing yourself too hard, too fast can lead to disastrous results – that’s how I ended up relapsing. I found that recovery “stuck” a lot better when I was able to go at my own pace… to push myself to the point where I was challenging myself, but still comfortable. It takes time, but you’ll get there girl!
wow this post was amazing…i used to be exactly how you said.- out the door at 6am for eggs ( my eggy oats used to have 6 whites in them)!! i used to FREAK OUT if i didn;t eat every 3 hours, measured and weighed everything. no more no less. Caused a huge drama everytime we had to eat out. Met up with my friends AFTER dinner if they were going out. I could NEVER go with the flow. it was mentally exhausting. Now i am 100% go with the flow!! and I am healthier and stronger then ever. Having said that I do make sure to plan meals if I am on the run all day- but I know that if by chance I don’t have time to plan or a curve ball gets thrown in my way- its ok. My metabolism wont simply stop working, my muscle won’t dissapear… it will all be O-K!!! and i’m pretty sure I am a lot more pleasant to be around 🙂
So good to know there are others who struggled with the same thing. Kinda sad to think there are probs Tons of people who are still struggling… hope they find this post!
Amy
i’m all for going with the flow – at least i’m learning to be more flexible when my plans change. i realize that because i’m a planner, dreamer, and idealist, i often have a vision in my head of how things are supposed to go or how my day is supposed to be, and when what happens falls short of my expectations, it’s hard for me to reconfigure my expectations. what i’ve learned is to be hopeful about what i want but not to be rigid about it – not to lock myself into any set way of thinking but to be as open as possible, be willing to change, and to work hard but not to expect too much of others. going with the flow is something so important to my life right now – glad you blogged about it!
Although I like to plan, I live in the real world (not just me world… well most of the time 😉 ) and that requires going with the flow. Things happen, things come up, gotta roll with the punches sometimes. It used to bother me more if I had to change plans unexpectedly but I realized that it is good sometime, and sometimes an even better outcome comes from it, ya never know! I also started to think about the future, one day I want to be a mom and having kids def means going with the flow of life. I seriously love ALL of your posts, your awesome girl 🙂