I have a confession to make.
Not a dark and dirty secret kind of confession, but something I want to get off my chest, nonetheless.
I have a habit.
A habit that many share, but few enjoy. A habit that is met with both resistance and utmost desire. A habit that I managed to curb for many years, but that has recently begun to resurface.
I have a habit… of randomly nibbling throughout the day.
Of taking a bite of this. Of grabbing a spoonful of that.
Just a small taste to satisfy some unknown desire, and then I’m on my way.
. . .
What? You were expecting something more hardcore? Sorry to disappoint, but this isn’t that kind of blog.
My drugs of choice are not only healthier, but also legal.
They include…
Cookies… which I grab random bites of throughout the day.
Trail mix & Dried fruit… which I pick away at whenever I wander into the kitchen.
Almond butter… which… needs no explanation.
Fruits & Veggies… which I often snack on while prepping meals.
Cereal… which I just grab straight from the box and pop into my mouth.
And while many are ashamed of this kind of a habit, and give it nasty names like “mindless” eating, I’m proud of my random nibbling. I fully embrace it. Why? Because it’s just another sign of my healing.
It’s another sign of my freedom.
See, for more years than I care to admit, I was completely obsessed with making sure that I kept track of every. single. morsel of food that made it’s way past my lips. The proof is in the pudding…
… or, in the notebooks in this case…
Looks like a stack of schoolwork, doesn’t it? I almost wish that it were. But no, that there is a written account of everything I ate while I was sick with, and recovering from, my eating disorder. Every. single. thing. Every piece of gum. Every drop of ketchup. Every leaf of lettuce.
Every calorie was meticulously accounted for.
I found comfort in documenting. In planning. In knowing. In exactness. If my food couldn’t be translated into a neat little number that I could put on a page, I simply wouldn’t eat it. And while we’re on the topic of numbers, I confess that I was completely consumed by them. For someone who hates math with a fiery passion, I probably did enough adding, subtracting, and carrying of the 2 throughout all of those dark years to last me a lifetime. Heck, my phone, which is supposed to be used as a tool to keep in touch with friends and family, spent more time being used as a calculator than anything else…
Sad. Sad. Sad.
Which is why being able to walk into the kitchen at random, grab a little something, and pop it in my mouth without worrying about what it adds up to is such a huge deal for me. It means that I’m finally free of that obsessive prison that I put myself in for all those years. It means that I’m finally free to lick the bowl when I finish baking. It means that I’m finally free to go back after a meal and grab an extra handful of this or that if I’m still unsatisfied. It means that I’m finally free…
So you see, the “bad habit” of random nibbling is actually a very good habit for me… one that replaced my true bad habit of meticulously counting calories. And I couldn’t be happier; or more satisfied 😀
And speaking of satisfaction…
Sometimes no amount of random nibbling will do, and you just gotta sit down to enjoy a snack.
Greek yogurt, Kashi Honey Sunshine, banana, almond butter, chocolate pudding.
. – . – . – .
Do you randomly nibble at things when the mood strikes?
Or, are you more of a sit down and eat a planned meal person?
You know what I love about nibbling?! Sample days at Whole Foods:)
You know what I love about nibbling?! Sample days at Whole Foods:)
i always nibble at night..
i feel so guilty for it thought 🙁 but i dont eat much during the day… i know what I SHOULD do.. its just DOING it that is hard.
your chocolate pudding and yogurt mess looks AMAZING
you are beautiful, love xoxo
i always nibble at night..
i feel so guilty for it thought 🙁 but i dont eat much during the day… i know what I SHOULD do.. its just DOING it that is hard.
your chocolate pudding and yogurt mess looks AMAZING
you are beautiful, love xoxo
Wonderful! I can so share the glory with you! It’s great isn’t it 😀
And while many are ashamed of this kind of a habit, and give it nasty names like “mindless” eating, I’m proud of my random nibbling. I fully embrace it. Why? Because it’s just another sign of my healing. <- VERY nicely said!
Since I have such a busy work schedule and have to plan/pack most all of my meals for the day, I don't do a lot of snacking…unless it's the weekend…and/or I'm cooking. Is it just me or do cereal munching straight from the box and baking go hand-in-hand? And THEN you HAVE to lick the bowl…I'm pretty sure that if you don't, you could go to prison…kinda like ripping off the tag on a mattress. Just sayin!
And while many are ashamed of this kind of a habit, and give it nasty names like “mindless” eating, I’m proud of my random nibbling. I fully embrace it. Why? Because it’s just another sign of my healing. <- VERY nicely said!
Since I have such a busy work schedule and have to plan/pack most all of my meals for the day, I don't do a lot of snacking…unless it's the weekend…and/or I'm cooking. Is it just me or do cereal munching straight from the box and baking go hand-in-hand? And THEN you HAVE to lick the bowl…I'm pretty sure that if you don't, you could go to prison…kinda like ripping off the tag on a mattress. Just sayin!
I am a total all day “nibbler” lol and I can relate to those god awful food journals and calculater apps on my phone. Exhausting and stressfull. I am still battleing with this a bit, but I am so happy to see that you are eating with freedom 🙂
hmm I should nibble more!! But usually I plan more- when I’m bored I am a huge snacker!
I like this blog alot (PS) haha
hmm I should nibble more!! But usually I plan more- when I’m bored I am a huge snacker!
I like this blog alot (PS) haha
i agree, i think that being able to nibble here and there shows that you are breaking free 🙂
I definitely nibble on random things throughout the day! hahahaha
I definitely nibble on random things throughout the day! hahahaha
It’s scary when you see the old notebooks filled with quantities & calories consumed. Every gram, with calories cross-referenced to ensure accuracy & I even kept a glossary at the back for reference. Sad.
Also sad that whilst I’ve loosened up A LOT & am eating a healthy amount of calories, I still can’t help but measure ingredients & count their calories through fear of going overboard. Working on it though…
One thing I’m happier with is allowing some picking! I agree that it’s not a bad thing. & “mindless eating”…?! More like INTUITIVE eating. If it’s there & you want it & grab it without necessarily thinking about it, then people should just trust that they genuinely wanted some of that cookie/ fruit/ trail mix! x
Yay! I’m glad you’re able to snack and nibble on random things now – it’s a much happier way to live isn’t it?? I went through my “documenting” phase as well and even now sometimes have a tendency to do it (seeing as everywhere you go you’re faced with ‘keep a food journal!’) but luckily I’m able to resist and know that I’m happier and healthier NOT counting every morsel of food I eat 🙂
I do the EXACT same thing! I have my sit down meals and my sit down snacks etc, but whenever I’m in the kitchen, I’ll have a PB finger, or a bit of cereal, a few almonds..I think I probably eat about 300 cals a day worth of nibbles! You’re right, it does signify freedom – I used to not even be able to have a cherry tomato without counting it, so it’s pretty cool that I can just nibble away 🙂
Wow, those are a lot of notebooks… but then, who am I to talk? I have lists upon lists of archives over at the online MyPlate calorie counter. Nibbling is something I need to work on… meaning, I need to start doing it more. One of my main problems is that the way I see it, if its not a good sit-down meal that will last a long time, its not “worth it.” And whenever if I ever do nibble (like yesterday, I popped ONE chocolate covered espresso bean in my mouth) I somehow feel out of control… like its not “planned” and I’m binging or something.
Wow, those are a lot of notebooks… but then, who am I to talk? I have lists upon lists of archives over at the online MyPlate calorie counter. Nibbling is something I need to work on… meaning, I need to start doing it more. One of my main problems is that the way I see it, if its not a good sit-down meal that will last a long time, its not “worth it.” And whenever if I ever do nibble (like yesterday, I popped ONE chocolate covered espresso bean in my mouth) I somehow feel out of control… like its not “planned” and I’m binging or something.
I used to feel that way a lot, but it gradually went away the healthier I got. When you’re starving, you feel like you have to make the most out of every meal because eating is one of the only things that gives you so much pleasure… so one less-than-enjoyed meal/snack feels like the end of the world. But really, it’s not. There’s always next time to enjoy it 🙂
Just discovered your blog and I love it!! It took me a long time to get to that stage of “random nibbles” but now I don’t even care, or even count, if I decide to take a small handful of something. Yes, I still do feel some lingering thoughts of guilt but I don’t act on them. Thanks for reminding me that I am healing!
We are SO sistas from another mista!! I was thinking of doing a post on this yesterday and I’m so happy you did one!! I am SUCH a nibbler! Specially on dried fruit and nuts..mmmm… I used to be SUCH a controlled eater- one small snack in-between lunch and dinner, nothing more! But now I just eat exactly what I want all the time and it ROCKS!! 😀
LOVE you!! <3
We are SO sistas from another mista!! I was thinking of doing a post on this yesterday and I’m so happy you did one!! I am SUCH a nibbler! Specially on dried fruit and nuts..mmmm… I used to be SUCH a controlled eater- one small snack in-between lunch and dinner, nothing more! But now I just eat exactly what I want all the time and it ROCKS!! 😀
LOVE you!! <3
Insightful post – shows there really are two sides to every coin 🙂 I’m a muncher, but in contrast, I’m trying not to be!
just started reading your blog and wanted to thank you for this!! i’m a recover-er and DO this ALL THE TIME!! same foods as you as well.. now instead of hatin’ on the habit i should look at it as a “normal” habit most ppl don’t think about!!
🙂
Wow! I just checked my bookmarks and realized that I have more calorie counters, glycemic index charts and fitness plans than I thought :/ But I’ve only used a calorie counter like twice for the past 6 months which is nothing compared to the daily tracking of everything I ate and the hours wasted on wondering why the balance was negative but the weight wouldn’t go off. Blah…
Well, after all of this is in the past, I can say I am a nibbler too. And I am not nibbling on ice cubes anymore 😀 . Sometimes I get so carried away that when the time for an actual meal comes, I am not hungry at all. The bag of muesli is my favorite “victim”. it is garnished with some guilt but… it won’t be like this forever, right?
it WILL get better. Promise 🙂
That is GREAT Amanda! Im almost jealous, BUT I know how hard you have worked for this!! Jealous in a good way 😉 You truly deserve it, and I believe your body and mind are happier than ever!!
Ive said it before, and Ill say it again- THANK you so much for being an amazing role model! Love you!!