Do you trust me yourself?
It seems like a strange question, doesn’t it? I mean… of course you do, why wouldn’t you? You know the inner workings of your mind. You know you don’t have any ulterior motives. You know you have your best interests at heart. But do you trust yourself, really?
Do you believe in your own abilities? Your own strengths? Do you have confidence in your opinions? Your instincts? Life is a collection of consecutive choices – one after the next – do you trust that you will always be okay, even if you don’t have all the answers and make mistakes along the way?
We live in a world where our ability to trust ourselves is constantly being tested. Just take a look at all the “expert” advice that we’re constantly being bombarded with – the underlying message there is that our own knowledge isn’t good enough, that everyone else knows better than us. Fine. That may be true in some cases (I don’t know the first thing about nuclear physics, for example), but when it comes to things we intuitively know? Outside guidance can become a big problem.
Why? Because we begin to question ourselves. We begin to value the advice of “experts” from books, magazines, TV, and the Internet more than we value our own intuition. We stop trusting ourselves. And you don’t even have to look far to find examples of this – it happens all the time in our very own healthy living community.
I first came across healthy living blogs in the early stages of my recovery. I was at a point where my eating habits and beliefs about food had been so messed up for so long, that I really had no idea what or how much to eat, so I turned to outside sources to tell me. I saw girls who ate healthy, exercised daily, and looked great as a result – basically, girls who had the kind of life I wanted – so I began to adopt their habits in hopes of securing the same kind of life for myself.
I started eating foods that I hadn’t eaten before…
I started exercising in ways that I hadn’t before…
I started “doing this” and “doing that” because “look what it did for her!” Unfortunately, what it did for me was not always beneficial. The massive amounts of veggies I ate only made me feel sick and bloated…
The massive amounts of protein I drank did the same…
And the worst part about it was that I was too stubborn to admit it wasn’t working. I mean, there’s nothing inherently wrong with trying out what someone else says works for them – experimenting is how we find what works for us – but there is something wrong with continuing to do it even if it doesn’t serve you well, just because it works for another person. Heck, it might not even work for that person… you never see what goes on behind the scenes or know the whole story.
It would be nice if there was a “one size fits all” diet, but there isn’t. And it would be nice if someone else could tell you how to eat, but they can’t. Really. There’s a massive amount of information out there regarding diet and exercise, yet people are more confused than ever. Why? Because for every “expert” opinion that you come across, there’s another “expert” opinion claiming the exact opposite. Eat carbs. Don’t eat carbs. Eat fat. Don’t eat fat. Eat fruit, don’t eat fruit. And the thing is, they’re all right… for someone. Some people will thrive on a high protein diet, some won’t. Some people will thrive on a low-fat diet, some won’t. We’re all different – it only makes sense that different things are going to work for us.
So with all the choices out there, how do we know what to do? By [literally] going with our gut. By being open to trying new things, but willing to admit when they aren’t working. By remembering that when it comes to our own bodies, we are experts. Yes, we’ll make mistakes and stumble along the way, but at the end of the day, we’ll be just fine – and we need to know that.
Can anyone relate?
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Hey! So I’m someone who, although not with a full blown ED, came very close to getting properly ill, after restricting and obsessively controlling food and completing marathon training and a marathon (I have done another since, it was quicker and better because funnily enough I was fueling up!). However, I still struggle trusting myself-it’s easy to run back to skipping meals as controlling food. Yet what I find works (which will drive many up the wall I know!) is really just eating what I feel like. Some days in a row I really crave oatcakes, rice, bread, basically ALL the carbs. Then others im obsessed with Peanut Butter, avocado or eggs…and then some days just veggies, salads with some tinned fish! Basically I feel better for including all groups in moderation, and on certain days having higher carbs because a) im HUNGRY and b) it gives me proper energy to train and c) how else will I expect my brain and body to function?? Being a final year student is stressful enough as it is, even without factoring in worrying about food, how I look, my work, and my exercise. I train a lot (I love running and the gym!) but am, slowly, accepting when it is ok to not workout (like not running this evening having ALREADY been to a hard spin class and done some heavy weights and core) or feel guilty about cake (for instance, at a wedding this last weekend I started to feel guilty about cake and alcohol…but it was a WEDDING and my friend’s happiness was far more important to me!). Finally, although I have down days, keeping perspective on what food is: its fuel and just food, helps me try to be a better role model and person with Gods grace and with friends and family. My flatmate appears to be struggling with food issues and so being a role model to her in a positive way and not obsessing over food, regardless of how hard it has been recently, is so crucial to make sure everything doesn’t spiral for myself and for her too. (From a person who used to be the one who got skinny comments and hated yet liked it simultaneously, it is hard to realise that I am normal and it is good I am not how I was anymore)
I love your blog having discovered it this evening! Thanks! Keep calm and happy! 🙂
This almost made me cry.. I’m definitely going through a tough time ‘diet’ wise and need to re-evaluate what has worked for me, and what IS working for me..
It’s been a long time coming, not only because everyone doesn’t seem to make sense of the way I’m eating, but also because after reading the book on it (literally, “It Starts With Food”) I’m stil having trouble coming to terms with some stuff.
Not to mention that I felt better, happy, more satisfied, when I was eating borderline SAD/Paleo then strict paleo.. I’m on day 6 of my Whole30 and plan on continue to at least 30 days.. but I have a feeling after that I’ll have a few changes to make to my diet.
Thank you for this post!
I have this same issue. I’ve been in recovery after 9 years of all different types of eating disorders. Considering my family doesn’t have the money for the “expert” opinion I’ve been doing it on my own. The issue with that is going to other resources that say what to do and I’m suddenly in a state of panic when I first began to let go of those tendencies. Doesn’t help that some people around you believe they know it all as well (I am guilty of once being that person as well). But it suddenly hit me once again (after a relapse) that my body knows what it’s doing. It’s just a matter of learning to trust that is the key to getting back your mental health. Especially after relying on a clock or counter to do most of the work for you. And sometimes even people. But I’ve come to learn that that’s not gonna work anymore. My body has always know what was best for me. I just never listened. Now for the sake of my sanity, my relationships, and my life, I’m letting go. Thank you for posting this at the best time possible for me. <3
I can TOTALLY relate to this! Heck when I first started blogging, I was all about running out to the store to buy all these “new-fangled” ingredients I was reading about: gluten-free flours, chia seeds, kombucha, tahini…nevermind the fact that some of those items I had to CONVINCE myself to like. Seriously? How do people eat plain tahini?! Gross!
Nowadays I have to constantly remind myself not to compare my diet to others. It’s an ongoing experiment, but for the most part, I know what works and what doesn’t work for my body. Yeah, sometimes I wish I could eat a high fat diet like some girls out there…filled with gobs of nut butter, coconut milk, and cheese, but frankly, it just doesn’t do it for me. I’m hungry again in a matter of hours! And don’t even get me started on the obscene amounts of veggies I used to eat! 😯 Glad I finally realized that it’s not NORMAL to have to take Beano before every meal! Lol
I definitely listen to my gut. I go to others for advice but in the end it’s completely up to me to make my decisions. I have had a few stressful decisions to make these past few weeks, but my GUT is the one thing I really listen to. My parents, siblings, friends, relatives, whoever… May give some great advice, but yep, ultimately it’s ALL up to me!
One of my readers just shared this post with me and I am happy to have read it..
I think many of us go into things so blind that it does seem like we need to do what is working for HER. I have found my happy place in the land of Crossfit, and cannot imagine doing anything else in that part of my life; I am constantly pushed out of my comfort zone and becoming so much stronger physically and mentally for it.
But food-wise.. I’m lost. I was always the girl that could eat anything and never gain a pound. Great. But when I started to work out more, it didn’t make sense to continue careless eating.. Within a year, I gained 15lbs. 15 good pounds, mostly muscle. But then I found out about paleo eating, and how it’s the “best” way for Crossfitters to eat and perform well.
But now.. I’ve found it’s not working. I’m becoming judgmental and even scared of non-paleo things.. I recently started adding rice back into my diet, but my performance is still not where it should be. I’m lacking carbs but mentally in this rut that I don’t know where the right balance is between what I’m told in one ear and the other.
We are constantly works in progress, I suppose.. figuring out what works best for us!
I can definitely relate to what you are talking about. I have tried foods I never thought I would try and done exercise routines that I just dread doing. I don’t enjoy lifting weights by myself, yet I have forced myself through it because of all the benefits I hear other people raving about. I don’t regret trying any of the things I have tried because in actually it is because of trying new things that I have found the things that work well for me. And since I am always changing I am sure that at some point new ways that work will need to be found 🙂
That’s kind of how I look at it as well – as a learning experience. I definitely found a few things that work for me, and I’m still open to trying new things, but I’m not so stuck on sticking to them if I can see that they’re not doing me any good.
This is a great post! A good lesson that is very hard to learn, especially when there is so much competition and body envy. We need to be okay with what works for US and not judge others for what works for them.
Such a great and important post, Amanda. Thank you.
My body has no awareness of what other people eat and need, nor the lifestyle they promote. My body is aware of its own unique needs and preferences. What makes it feel good, strong and passionate. My “job” is to be still and listen. To not get lost in the jungle of external influences, but listen to the story my body has to tell. Listen, trust and accept my needs.
– Hedda.
I had a brief eating disorder in 9th grade, and I completely stopped trusting myself as I recovered. I figured if I let myself spiral that far downhill, how could I trust myself to eat healthy and recover? Self trust is way more important than I ever thought. I now have to trust myself to eat/do what’s right for my body (and sometimes what might not be ‘right’ like cupcakes). I didn’t trust myself with peanut butter during my disorder because it was too ‘fatty’ and high in calories. Now I have a blog revolving around it! I still have moments where I lack in self trust because it’s so hard, but I can totally relate! Lately I’ve been trying to trust my body when it feels hungry (kind of intuitive eating but not really, if that makes sense). I’ve been trying to listen to my body and trust myself to properly fuel it. I skipped a run the other day because I didn’t feel up to it. I had to trust myself to take care of myself. It’s so hard, but it’s so worth it! I’m so glad you wrote this post! It gave me that little push I needed!
Love this – you made such a great point that there really is no one “right” way to approach healthy living. And the sooner people realize that, the sooner I think a lot of people will be able to make peace with themselves and stop the comparing. I remember when I first started blogging I felt like I should do exactly what all the other bloggers did. But now that I’ve been blogging for almost 4 years (yikes!), I’m so much more comfortable in my own choices, even if they don’t fit the mold.
Oh gosh, looking back at all the things that I have tried and, ultimately, failed with flying colors is kind of absurd. I didn’t fail in the sense that I “couldn’t do it” because let’s face it, you give a girl with an ED a food challenge that seemed to make other people look good and they. will. succeed. HOWEVER, I yoyo’d from massive amounts of veggies, massive amounts of protein, and massive amounts of fat (although, the latter wasn’t all that bad and, in a way, made me overcome some fears). The other two made me so bloated and unsatisfied. Other blogs made me fearful in some ways….fearful of sugar (even certain fruits!), of carbs, of milk! Sometimes I think I was too vulnerable to be reading these blogs when I did. However, now I am able to realize that what works for somebody may not necessarily work for me. I’m a carb girl…I need them. I also need a lot of fruit and a lot of fat. I also love milk. And sugar. Therefore, I’m all about balance now (while still trying to gain weight…what a toughie!).
I also found this quote that I’m semi-obsessed with (okay…really obsessed) and I figured I would share!
“We cannot neglect our bodies, even if we recognize that we must not identify with them exclusively. In our search for the true self, our physical existence is the best place to start….It takes a wise person to both maintain the body and look beyond it.”
Deng Ming Dao, Taoist Chinese master
I can definitely understand the obsession – that’s a great quote. Thanks, Laura.
This is something I still struggle with on occasion! When it comes to honouring cravings and more/less exercise, it can be so difficult to stray from what is considered “normal” and “accepted” to do what YOU need. I actually made a lot of realizations about this on my trip, but you said it best yourself. What works for one person may not work for the next and we need to stop wasting so much time getting caught in the comparison trap!
Oh man this is so relevant for me right now. I am constantly adjusting my eats (due to tummy woes) and exercise (because I get bored) so it pretty unavoidable that social media sometimes manages to sneak it’s way into my brain and affect my thinking. Honestly though, the more I realize that my body is perfectly capable of letting my know what it likes and doesn’t like, the rest just simpyl doesn’t matter. Don’t get me wrong, I loving scrolling (drooling) through food pictures on Instagram and browsing workouts posted by fellow bloggers, but in the end I do me. I definitely agree that it comes down to the fact that every single person is different, and what works for one person won’t necessarily work for another. I am struggling to put together a post on a similar topic at the moment (why so I have so many thoughts?!) so this definitely helped firm up my thoughts. 🙂
Even though I’m a guy, I can completely relate to you. When I first lost weight, I was a sheep and followed whoever told me what to do and how much to eat. Excessive cardio and a huge calorie deficit left me resembling a skeleton. I then tried to ‘gain’ or ‘bulk’ up as my friends who worked out regularly did and copied them in the gym, but even after 2 years, I feel like I’ve gone in circles, weight has stayed the same and no real physical progress. Pair that with the new mental struggle of gaining weight and its a recipe for disaster. The consumption of copious vegetables and ‘clean foods’ and the excessive use of protein powders are also doing me no favours. There is no one right way for anyone but the hard part is finding what works for you- with so much information out there and conflicting statements, its a tough middle ground to find, and as you said- to be able to trust yourself. Great post, as per usual.
Wow, this post definitely rang a bell for me. I started reading HLBs and immediately began exercising hard and eating lots of veggies and drinking lots of protein powders. While at first it was great and I felt better than I had in a long while, eventually I found my body reacting negatively to some of the exercises I was doing and the things I was eating. I always find it so interesting how your body will take care of itself, even if doing so is the exact opposite of what your mind is telling you!
I’m struggling with this a lot and sometimes I feel like I’m the only one. I keep on going to cafeteria at work with big craving of their delicious pizza or sandwich, but after walking around and fighting with my thoughts leave empty handed. I end up buying a little container of cottage cheese and a spoon of almond butter at a store near by. I feel like I’m finally confident with my decision, but when I’m around food I just give up.
You’re definitely not alone Angela – it’s something a lot of people struggle with, but don’t give up.
This is pretty much what I was trying to touch on with my Paleo post. I’ve tried so many “diets” out there–vegetarian, high-protein, low-carb, the list goes on–and in the end, I just nix the labels and eat (1) what I want and (2) what works for me. I need my carbs, but I also need my fats and my protein. Maybe my fats will give me heart disease, maybe my carbs will give me diabetes, maybe my protein will send me into kidney failure–there are pluses and minuses to everything, including food and various ways of eating. A “one size fits all” diet would be so simple…but everyone is so different and has such different requirements. Your body knows best and usually, it’ll tell you exactly what it wants or needs–we just have to listen to it!
It’s so true, and yet we make it SO HARD for ourselves. I’m trying to give myself more credit than I have been for a long time in making decisions that feel right in my gut – because I certainly know when it doesn’t! Life isn’t black and white. It’s time to celebrate the gray. 🙂
This is beautiful and very well articulated AND so true. Thank you for this post Amanda! I can totally relate. I have struggled with so many different diets and foods and eating habits and I still haven’t really found what works for me. It’s different for everybody and there’s no one right way to eat or exercise. It’s all a personal experiment. I tried working out really hard while eating 1600 calories a day and that didn’t work. Then I tried eating whatever I wanted and still workout out really hard and that didn’t work. Then I tried mild workouts and still watched my food and that didn’t work either. Either I gained weight or just stayed the same. It hasn’t been ideal. I still don’t know what works for me…..It’s good to know that someone out there understands.
I can TOTALLY relate! Honestly, blog reading has made me realize a lot of things.
1. There are people out there who eat (or pretend to eat) healthy 100% of the time
2. I will NEVER be one of those people
3. If I try to be one of those people, I’m miserable
4. What “works” for me depends on how I define success. And it took me awhile to define success in a truly healthy way. Now that I do, what works is pretty easy 🙂
You’re amazing and I LOVE how you get into topics like this!
That’s pretty much the same process I went through 🙂
I can definitely relate! I have moments where i’m like “They don’t this – but I want it so bad!” Then I realize how silly it is to deprive myself of something that I want.
Especially since the craving just builds up and starts to get a little overwhelming… I definitely know what you mean, Liz.
How did it take me so long to find your blog?! Day two 🙂 I’m actually in love with this post. I definitely can relate and I think that self-trust is a work in progress. I aim to get better at something every day and find out what is working for me not for anyone else. The comparison trap is a slippery slope!
So amazingly insightful Amanda! This is exactly the type if mindset I try to convey but often have trouble finding the right words to do so. But you’ve hit the nail on the head. And I love what you’ve said about being open minded yet being able to admit when we’re wrong and when things aren’t working. Both are so important yet challenging. But I wish more people would at least try to be more open and authentic instead of trying to maintain some sort of false facade. Thank you again for eloquently bringing up such an important topic.
I totally agree! We need to learn to trust ourselves and try to listen to what our bodies are telling us. It definitely is hard sometimes but eventually we will find our way. We are the only ones who know what we feel, so we have to learn to trust ourselves!
I so agree with you! Just because something appears to be working for someone else, doesn’t mean that it will work for you. And, like you said, we don’t even have the full story just by reading someone’s blog. It may not be working so great for them. As hard as it can be, it is really important to experiment and in the end trust what works best for your body and mind to be the right thing for you.